Secondhand Confessions
Join best friends Pugly and Mickey as they sift through the internet's most compelling stories, offering listeners a unique blend of laughter, self-discovery, and therapeutic insights. Their engaging tales of humor and healing make every episode feel like an insightful conversation with friends.
Secondhand Confessions
Episode 5: Betrayal, Betrayal, Betrayal
Text us your confessions and stories.
In this episode, we unravel three gripping tales of boundaries pushed to the brink. Witness the fallout of a roommate feud sparked by clashing views on acceptable home attire. Experience the chilling betrayal of a man manipulating his girlfriend's diet in secret. Brace yourself for a casual game night turned shocking threesome, leaving relationships shattered. These raw, unflinching stories expose the tangled web of caring, control, and betrayal, compelling us to question the very foundations of trust and boundaries.
Share your confessions with us at secondhandconfessions@gmail.com or on Instagram.
Bowel Host
So would you like to be introduced or would you like to remain anonymous or...?
Lovely Guest
I can remain anonymous. I can be that anonymous caller.
Movement Host
I kind of feel like we should say, like, give a moniker to everybody.
Bowel Host
Okay. I'll be Bowel.
Movement Host
I'll be Movement.
Lovely Guest
Stool? [laughs]
Bowel Host
[laughs]
Movement Host
[laughs] Leaky?
Bowel Host
Ew... Leaky?
Movement Host
Leaky Bowel Movement.
Bowel Host
I like more healthy.
Movement Host
Oh okay, healthy. Luscious.
Bowel Host
Luscious bowel movement.
Lovely Guest
Okay…
Bowel Host
Lovely.
Lovely Guest
Lovely bowels. Movements.
Bowel Host
Yes. Everybody wants a lovely bowel movement.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Okay, Lovely.
Movement Host
Okay.
Lovely Guest
I'm Lovely.
Movement Host
Hi, Lovely.
Lovely Guest
Hi, Movement.
Movement Host
[laughs] Thanks for coming on the show.
Movement Host
Thank you so much for having me, I'm so honored to be here.
Bowel Host
We're honored to have you.
Movement Host
Yeah, you had quite a journey too, like from calling in and—
Bowel Host
Oh, I thought you were gonna say from like the esophagus down to the—
Movement Host
Oh no.
Lovely Guest
It was. It took a while.
Bowel Host
Yeah, so if you call in, you're basically guaranteed a slot on the show.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I mean I was a stranger, I've never met either of you. I'm… You just called and said “Come on up.” I said, “Great!”
Bowel Host
This time we’re going in blind. The theme here is going to be unprepared because we are—
Lovely Guest
I feel unprepared.
Bowel Host
We are all in the same boat here.
Lovely Guest
Good.
Bowel Host
The same bowel movement.
Lovely Guest
The same unprepared bowel movement.
Movement Host
Lovely.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, lovely and unprepared.
Bowel Host
Lovely and unprepared do not go together when it comes to bowel movements.
Movement Host
Oh, that’s true.
Lovely Guest
Well, I don't know. It can be quite a relief.
Bowel Host
If you're in the right place. But you know…
Lovely Guest
That’s quite a good point.
Movement Host
Did I ever tell you guys that I've shit myself before?
Bowel Host
Wow…
Lovely Guest
Probably recently.
Movement Host
No.
Lovely Guest
Right now?
Movement Host
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Is this you telling us you need to pause?
Movement Host
No, um, when I got food poisoning while I was in Lebanon from eating like way too much sushi, um, I got really sick and we went to the ER. And they wouldn't let me have a room because I didn't have health insurance there. My mom was like, “We're good for it, we can pay, like, please just let her have a room. She's like literally dying,” and I like shit myself in the waiting room. Then they let me have a room because they're like, “Okay—
Bowel Host
We can't tolerate any more of this!
Movement Host
And I was wearing harem pants. I don't know if that like made it worse.
Lovely Guest
Are those the ones with like, like, um, like a loose middle?
Movement Host
Yeah, a loose groin. Those are the ones with a loose groin. I think that made it better, actually.
Lovely Guest
Hm…
Bowel Host
Good to know. Pro tips.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
That if you, if you feel a leaky bowel… [screeching noise] Oops.
Movement Host
Anyway, so…
Bowel Host
Yeah, should we get started here?
Movement Host
Yeah, I can, I can go ahead.
Bowel Host
Okay, sure.
Movement Host
Okay, so the first story is “Am I the asshole for refusing to wear a bra when my roomie’s bf stays over?” I don't wear a bra at home. I go to college, then library and then work and then gym. I'm out at 7 AM and back at 10 PM. Usually I take a quick shower when I get home, then make a snack and just relax for an hour before bedtime. On weekends, I barely leave the apartment besides the occasional outing with friends or colleagues. My roommate and I are very close, but now she has been biting my head off about me not wearing a bra at home. I was confused. Then she explained that it was about her boyfriend. I laughed in her face and told her to put a bra on his eyes instead. She got very upset, but I told her I wasn't interested in her boyfriend. Not in the slightest. She got offended and said that he wasn't interested in me either, so I said, “Then why are we arguing?” It's only an issue if we were interested in each other. Tell him next time he sees me braless he can pretend that I am a wall. According to her, it wasn't about interest but being invasive, and he felt uncomfortable. Would you think that it was fine if he showed his d? [laughs] I called her stupid because I was in my home. I wouldn't go braless in his home, and if he chose to go naked in his home, the only right I have is to get the hell out of there. She called me the asshole. Am I?
Lovely Guest
Hm… Interesting. Well, I don’t wear a bra in my home.
Bowel and Movement Hosts
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
But I do if strangers come over. But if he's not a stranger… I guess it depends on how often this man is at her home. If he's there a lot, then I feel like she has a right to not wear a bra in her own home.
Movement Host
Yeah. All the time.
Bowel Host
I mean, I don’t know, I feel like, regardless of the amount that he's there, I'm like, I agree with her, it's her place—
Lovely Guest
That is true.
Bowel Host
If he's uncomfortable, he has a right to leave.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I put a bra on because I'm more uncomfortable.
Bowel Host
Yes, exactly.
Lovely Guest
So I feel like if she doesn't feel like she has to, it’s her house.
Bowel Host
Yeah, if she has the confidence, flaunt it.
Movement Host
Yeah. She made a comment saying let's say I get a boyfriend and she goes around the apartment naked, and he comes and complains to me. I would say, “Oh yeah, she's like that. Are you uncomfortable? Let's meet in your place then because this is her home.”
Bowel Host
That's what I essentially said, just he can leave.
Lovely Guest
The other thing is there is people are too uncomfortable with boobs.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
And I'm uncomfortable with my boobs without a bra because I feel like everybody's uncomfortable.
Bowel Host
Me too. I am of the “enslave the nipple” mentality.
Lovely Guest
That's right, I forgot that you are.
Bowel Host
#enslavethenipple
Lovely Guest
What ever happened to those bumper stickers? Weren’t we gonna get that?
Bowel Host
I don't know. Is that not… Probably somebody has already come up with that phrase—
Lovely Guest
But have they copyrighted it as we’re doing right now? Hashtag TM.
Movement Host
It costs like $500+ to copyright something.
Lovely Guest
Never mind. Let that nipple be free.
Movement Host
[laughs] Neutral nipple.
Lovely Guest
What were you saying?
Movement Host
I was saying that last night, like, I was talking about like the whole free the nipple thing, and I was like I think you should be able to free the nipple in certain places, like everyone. And I think everyone should just enslave the nipple in certain places as well, like men included. Like if you're just like out on a normal street, why are you not wearing a shirt? But maybe it's because I'm from a conservative country or something… [laughs] But I think that's like in France as well. Like you're not allowed to go shirtless if you're a man unless you're at the beach or something like that.
Bowel Host
So like a public space that isn't designated for activities that require more shirtlessness?
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
You should be required to wear a shirt?
Lovely Guest
Well that’s… Wasn't there a debate on Instagram about that? You know, why are male nipples allowed but biologically born female nipples are not? Or I guess any nipples are not. No, no, no.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Reverse.
Bowel Host
Reverse, reverse.
Lovely Guest
Reverse, reverse. Lovely’s confused.
Bowel Host
Oh, Lovely.
Movement Host
Oh, Lovely. [laughs] Um… Yeah. I just, I think the thing that I, that bugs me is the fact that, like, she didn’t call out her boyfriend. Like she was like…
Bowel Host
Exactly! And how does she know, first of all, that he's not attracted to the roommate?
Movement Host
I don't know.
Bowel Host
Did she straight up ask?
Movement Host
I don't know if she said that, but she just told the roommate…
Bowel Host
She's like, because the roommate said, “I’m not attracted to your boyfriend,” she’s like, “Oh well, he's not attracted to you either.”
Movement Host
Yeah, that's kind of the vibes it gives off.
Lovely Guest
Mhm.
Bowel Host
Um, but like if my boyfriend were like, “Oh my God, your roommate doesn't wear a bra?” I'd be like, “Shut the **** up,” like don't look if you don't want to see that. Like don't look. Like this is her house. But like if she were like walking around naked and that made him uncomfortable, that's a little bit different. I'd be like, “Yeah, let's go to your place.”
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Yeah. And also, she's not even like shirtless, like, it's just her natural boob shape?
Lovely Guest
That's true.
Movement Host
Like her normal boob shape is out in the open?
Lovely Guest
Yeah, good point, good point.
Movement Host
[dog sounds] We have a visitor.
Bowel Host
Alright, you ready for another one?
Lovely Guest
Yes.
Bowel Host
My (31F) husband (32M) has been killing my houseplants with bleach.
Lovely Guest
I'm intrigued.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Bowel Host
Alright, this one's from r/relationship_advice. She says: I have many, many houseplants and even some that were quite expensive and were gifts from my sister. Within the last six months, at least a third of my plants have died. I've had houseplants my whole life due to my late mother's own love of houseplants, and I know a lot about plants. The death of the plants didn't seem related to lack of light or inconsistent watering or lack of nutrients or even root rot! They just died very suddenly. I tried not to let it upset me too much because plants die, and it was not any of the expensive ones, until now. My sister gave me a five-leaf monstera albo rooted plant for my birthday two months ago.
Movement Host
Ooooh.
Lovely Guest
Wow.
Bowel Host
It was beautiful. Some might even say lovely. This morning, I was crying pretty hard about it as I un-potted it and took a look at the roots, and I was looking hard at this plant and roots to see if its death was pest-related. And that's when I noticed a smell. I sniffed my potting mix, and I smelled bleach. The only other adult person in my home with unlimited, unobserved access to my plants is my husband. I wasn't able to talk to him for several hours, but when I could speak to him, I very calmly but very directly asked if he had done something to my plants. He denied it at first. I said I smelled bleach in the potting mix of the albo my sister had gotten me, and that the only person that could have put it there was him, and he caved. He said he was putting small amounts of bleach into the fertilizer water jugs I prepare. I started crying. I asked him why. Why would you do this? You know I love these plants. Why would you destroy them? He didn't really answer, nor did he really apologize. The trust I had in him is absolutely gone. I think maybe counseling can help us, but he is the one that did this, but I'm the one that would have to set up the counseling. The angry part of me just wants to be done with this relationship. I know that might seem overboard, as we're married and share a child, but I feel now that I'm not safe around my husband.
Movement Host
Oh my God… The drama. I mean, I don't want to like diminish that these plants are important to her, but it’s just a little bit intense.
Bowel Host
It does speak to me as like unhinged behavior. Who thinks to do something so—
Movement Host
Yeah, like would he do that to her when if she started annoying him?
Lovely Guest
And I want to know why. Like, like her. I would like to know. I mean, maybe he's jealous. Maybe she… She does sound like she really enjoys spending time with these plants. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to ask for more time and attention for himself?
Movement Host
Yeah, but how did they get through all of this into like marriage and stuff and have a kid and—
Lovely Guest
That’s a really good point.
Movement Host
—and he can’t do that.
Lovely Guest
Maybe he's also partaking in the bleach drinking, and it's changed his behavior.
Bowel Host
That would be a twist. It does remind me, though, do you guys remember Auburn has these big *** trees in Toomer’s Corner that are, like, very like, sacred to the sport. When they win, they toilet paper the trees.
Lovely Guest
That’s what you do to sacred trees.
Bowel Host
Yeah. I mean, it’s just a tradition. But they hold this tradition whenever they win the games, and there was a game that they won against Alabama, I believe, and an Alabama fan poisoned the tree. It was a big scandal.
Lovely Guest
What happened to the tree?
Bowel Host
I think it was deteriorating after that.
Lovely Guest
Is it dead?
Bowel Host
I don’t know if it’s fully dead or if it just was a little bit ill.
Lovely Guest
Okay, so not tree murder.
Bowel Host
I don’t know, it could be tree murder.
Lovely Guest
Tree felony.
Bowel Host
Whatever it was, it was intended murder.
Lovely Guest
Attempted manslaughter, that's it. Attempted treeslaughter.
Movement Host
No, murder.
Bowel Host
But like isn't that, isn't that an unhinged reaction, though, to just a loss of a ****ing football game or whatever it was?
Movement and Lovely
Yeah.
Bowel Host
And this—we don't even know the rationale or the justification.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, it's hard for me to give a clear opinion when I don't know the reasoning.
Movement Host
Yeah. What if it were like a cat or a dog that she spent all her time with, like would he poison them?
Bowel Host
That's what I wonder because poisoning something is like… Who comes to that conclusion as like, “Oh, this is the way I'm going to get my revenge, I'm going to poison something that means something to her.”
Movement Host
Why is it revenge? Like why would it go so far as to be revenge? That's my question. It's not revenge. It's like he's jealous, he wants attention, like, okay, give the plant away.
Lovely Guest
I want to know how old the child is, because I do feel like there can be a pattern in cis-hetero relationships sometimes where as soon as the first child comes about, the man gets a little bit jealous because he's not getting attention. But I've never heard it get to the point where he starts poisoning the plants.
Bowel Host
Yeah, that's an interesting approach. I think, too, she mentioned, “Oh well, I wonder if counseling will help,” and I'm like, is counseling going to help psychopathy? I don’t know.
Movement Host
Is it psychopathy? [laughs]
Lovely Guest
Okay, would you be mad if you found out your partner was… Would you be more mad or confused? I think I'd be more confused.
Movement Host
Yeah, I would be too.
Bowel Host
I think I'd be both. I'd be mad confused.
Lovely Guest
[laughs] Mad confused.
Bowel Host
Maaad confused, man.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Bowel Host
I would be both because he knows it means a lot, and that's just kind of a **itty thing to do when you know that.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
True.
Bowel Host
The edit here says I thank everyone for giving advice. The townhome we live in is mine and my sister's—our inheritance from my mother. My husband has an office/den/gaming room that is his personal space, and there are no plants there. There are also no plants in the kitchen. I'm not a plant hoarder. Like he has a room for himself, I also have a sunroom and that's where the concentration of plants live. He has no reason to go in there. It's not access to our backyard or anything. I saw some people saying maybe he's sick of bugs, but I don't have a fungus gnat problem. I did see one person ask why did I not smell the bleach when I was watering? And I can only say my nose wasn't all up in there, maybe? I also usually use a natural systemic in my fertilizer water called SNS-209 that smells heavily of rosemary, but I ran out of that last month and haven't replaced it yet. After our conversation yesterday, I needed space. I spent the night in my daughter's room on a trundle bed. Weird detail, but okay. I'm going to text my husband today. He usually communicates easier and opens up more via text rather than face-to-face. I'm going to ask for a reason, and I'll see what he says.
Movement Host
Oh my God, if it’s all confined to one room and it’s like, you know, her room, her sunroom. I don’t understand why he would be…
Bowel Host
In there?
Movement Host
Upset. No, I really don’t. It makes me feel like he's not upset about the plants, he's upset at her, and he's taking it out on the plants.
Bowel Host
I am curious about this reason. I want, I want to get to the bottom of this as well.
Movement Host
Yeah. Does she update?
Bowel Host
There is another edit.
Movement Host
Oh, okay, I was like, “Oh no, there’s no update!”
Lovely Guest
Oh, good, well don’t keep us in suspense.
Bowel Host
Edit two. It says: sorry, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to update on a separate post? My husband won't be welcome in my home anymore, and I need to find a lawyer ASAP on Monday.
Movement Host
[gasps] Oh my God…
Bowel Host
I did text him, and he admitted again to putting bleach in my fertilizer water. He says it wasn't every jug I ever made, so that explains why it wasn't all my plants dying, but randomly over the past six months. His exact words were that I deserved to be knocked down a peg.
Lovely Guest
[gasps]
Movement Host
What?!
Bowel Host
What a **tch.
Movement Host
Oh my God!
Lovely Guest
That really… That's quite… [chair noise] Sorry. That's readjusting my chair kind of shock. Wow!
Bowel Host
Yeah, it's like you're speechless, so you have to do some kind of movement to like get the words out.
Lovely Guest
I do, and I'm still speechless. That’s…
Movement Host
That's crazy.
Bowel Host
She says also: After the text communication, I went home from work early, and I entered his office. I usually respect his space absolutely. I don't even go in there to grab dirty dishes. I don't know what I was looking for, but the hundreds of comments saying he was working up to something worse or already was doing something else really worried me. I went in there, and I found a drawer full of my daughter's dolls and dollhouse furniture and little toys. I bought her that dollhouse for her fourth birthday last year, and she's loved it. (So we at least get the age now. She's four or five.) She takes such good care of her toys, but something always ends up missing, and it's always my husband who notices. He lectures her about keeping track of her things and how he won't let her play with her dollhouse if she keeps losing things. He keeps going until she starts to sob.
Movement Host
Maybe you were right about the psychopathy.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I'm alarmed by this level of behavior.
Bowel Host
When I hear this going on, I always, always step in and ask him to go take a break. I assumed he was losing his cool. I’ve told him this is not how to deal with this with a kid, and he says he just wants her to grow up responsible. I now see it was some weird scheme or setup or something? He would steal the stuff and stash it away and point out it was gone to berate our daughter ‘til she cried.
Lovely Guest
[gasps]
Movement Host
Oh my God.
Bowel Host
My sister and her husband and her husband’s dad came over this afternoon and they’ve changed the locks. I’ve texted him to tell him he isn’t coming back and that he can come on Saturday morning to grab his essential things, but that my brother-in-law and another man would be there to watch. (Good for her.)
Movement and Lovely
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Sorry if this is unclear or if things seem missing. This Reddit post isn't super my priority. I will probably not be updating again. Thank you to everyone worried about my safety.
Movement Host
Oh my God. You know, when you first read the post, I was like, wow, like, I get the plants are important to her, but this is a little bit dramatic. But now I’m like…
Lovely Guest
That’s not dramatic.
Bowel Host
This is a key lesson though. When something is important to somebody and somebody actively sabotages that thing, it’s a sign that something’s off.
Movement Host
I think it’s like one of the biggest red flags.
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Movement Host
Yeah, I was thinking maybe he is jealous of the time she spends with the plants and okay, maybe they should go to counseling or something like that.
Bowel Host
Well, we never did get a reason, like we never got his supposed motivation for doing this.
Lovely Guest
Well, based on what he was doing, I mean it sounds like it was control issues. Especially with taking his daughter's toys, I mean…
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
What was he doing? He was pretending that she had lost them or was misplacing them, and then revealing that they, you know, “Oh well, I found it in the cupboard”—
Movement Host
No, I don't think he was revealing that. I think—
Bowel Host
Oh.
Movement Host
I think he was just berating her for losing them and trying to, you know, “make her more responsible.” Very weird.
Bowel Host
Unhinged is my word. To like, not diagnose, but like this man, something's wrong.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
And I don't know that counseling is going to…
Lovely Guest
Help.
Bowel Host
What, what, what does he get out of this?
Movement Host
That's my question is: what do you guys think his… not… We all know like what he's doing, but his why in his head? Do you guys think that he thinks he's like doing a good thing for his daughter for real? Like not the plant thing, but the thing with his daughter. Do you guys think that he's just trying to control her, or he thinks he's really teaching her a lesson?
Lovely Guest
Maybe I think that's probably the excuse he's telling himself.
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
But it sounds like it's just anger that he's not like, because he's probably not talking about his feelings.
Bowel Host
I think that he probably is caught off guard by this choice of hers to leave him, and I think he’s justified in his mind that this is completely rational to be taking these toys and pretending that they're gone, because, well, what if she did lose it? She needs to learn her lesson that it's not going to be replaced.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
She needs to learn how to be responsible. And then, you know, his exact words were that “I deserve to be knocked down a peg.” Why? Why does she deserve that?
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
That's why I'm thinking anger. Unresolved anger from something.
Bowel Host
But we never get that reason, and I guess this wasn't her priority.
Lovely Guest
Probably mommy issues.
Movement Host
[laughs] Probably.
Lovely Guest
I feel like it's usually mommy issues.
Movement Host
Probably. Yeah.
Movement Host
Or, like, you know, what's that phenomenon called where, like, the boss, like, takes out their anger at you because they have a lot of pressure on them, and then you go home and take out your anger on your wife because you have a lot of pressure on you, and then the mom takes her anger out at the child…
Bowel Host
Cyclical abuse? Or cycle of abuse?
Lovely Guest
Mmm…
Bowel Host
Or generational trauma.
Lovely Guest
Generational trauma.
Bowel Host
Generational trauma.
Movement Host
Generational trauma.
Movement and Lovely
Generational trauma.
Lovely Guest
Generational trauma.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Bowel Host
Yeah, again, I go back to the Auburn guy. I think that's just like people who do this like is there? Maybe this is the better question: is there a good reason for poisoning someone's plants? Is there ever a good reason?
Lovely Guest
Maybe if it's an invasive species.
Movement Host
[laughs] That is actually a really good reason.
Lovely Guest
That's destroying other plants.
Bowel Host
So maybe that—I mean, we don't have his side of the story.
Lovely Guest
That's true, he could have thought this plant is taking over.
Bowel Host
And, you know, my wife needs to be knocked down a peg because she is overgrowing these invasive plants.
Lovely Host
There you go.
Bowel Host
But we did get the name of the plant, the monstera whatever it was.
Lovely Host
Those are quite expensive.
Movement Host
Monstera is, like it's expensive and common, but I think the one that she has is more expensive.
Bowel Host
The albo or albo, I don't know. It's five leaves, by the way.
Lovely Guest
I don't know. It's a five-leaf albo monstera.
Bowel Host
She could’ve called it the windowleaf, which is much easier to pronounce. Would’ve appreciated that.
Movement Host
Maybe she does need to be knocked down a peg.
Bowel Host
Maybe she does. This highfalutin lady. And her monstera albo.
Lovely Guest
Sorry, lady. Your psycho husband—we're on his side.
Bowel Host
Yeah, he ain't psycho, he's just right.
Lovely Host
He's justified. We stand for the poison of plants.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Jk, jk.
Bowel Host
We are pro plant.
Lovely Guest
Yes.
Movement Host
We're anti-psychopath husbands.
Lovely Guest
Yes!
Bowel Host
Let me see if there's any interesting comments going on on this one. Let me see just what the top comment was. The top comment on this story was: “I don't know your partner. Hopefully you do, but proceed with great caution. You may want to give this a read.” And they link to another post, which is titled I found out my partner has been putting slugs in my food. I don't know how to forgive him.
Movement Host
Yeah, I don’t think I would… Like why would you forgive someone who did that?
Lovely Guest
Again, I’m… Why?
Bowel Host
You know, I assume he knows that she wasn't, she didn't discover this until just now. Like how long has he been doing this and then feeling like some kind of silent victory or something? Like wouldn't you think if he was trying to control that he would want some acknowledgement of his efforts or something by her? Like, “Oh my God, my plants keep dying on me. What am I doing wrong?” Does she ever say that at any point to him?
Movement Host
Probably.
Lovely Guest
I would assume so.
Movement Host
‘Cause she was saying like lately like…
Bowel Host
Over the past six months, or something like that.
Lovely Guest
Yeah. Wait, what is this slug thing?
Bowel Host
There's another article, I mean…
Movement Host
[laughs]
Bowel Host
I mean there's another um, there's another post um that they linked to. Should we, should we go through it?
Movement Host
Yeah, see how long it is.
Bowel Host
This is an update, there's an original and an update.
Lovely Guest
‘Kay.
Bowel Host
I found out my partner has been putting slugs in my food. I don't know how to forgive him. I, (22F) have been with my partner (24M) for four years now. I have never known him to do anything like this, but I noticed he started acting a little strange around a month, maybe a month and a half ago. He started putting fruit on the floor in the garden, and I thought it was a bit weird, but he said he was feeding the mice family that have nested in our shed.
Movement Host
What?
Bowel Host
So I thought it was sweet and helped him do so.
Movement Host
Why would you feed mice—
Lovely Guest
Fruit?
Movement and Lovely
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Do mice like fruit?
Movement Host
I don't know what mice eat. Like cheese?
Lovely Guest
I thought they ate wood. Wait, no, I'm thinking of—
Movement Host
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
What am I thinking of?
Movement Host
Are you thinking of um—
Lovely Guest
Like a woodchuck?
Movement Host
No, uh, what are they called?
Lovely Guest
They're ant beavers.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Don’t laugh at that.
Bowel Host
Little baby beavers.
Movement Host
Wait, but why would he… Why would she think that's cute? Honestly, I’m sorry, like—
Lovely Guest
You don't think that's cute?
Bowel Host
Mice are much cuter than rats, so I can kind of see it.
Lovely Guest
I think mice are cute.
Bowel Host
Like of the rodent family, rodentia family…
Movement Host
Yeah, but you don’t want to have a mouse problem.
Lovely Guest
Okay, you don't.
Bowel Host
In your garden.
Lovely Guest
I want a mouse problem.
Bowel Host
It's in the garden though. If they're feeding them outside, maybe they’ll stay out there.
Movement Host
Oh, maybe.
Lovely Guest
Yeah. Maybe they’re pest control.
Bowel Host
Yeah. Maybe so.
Movement Host
Okay.
Bowel Host
Anyways… He started being really nice to me around two weeks ago and was making me food, baking me cakes and stuff, which he never usually cooks ever, so I was so happy he found a hobby. I did notice sometimes I felt sick and dizzy after eating, and I just put it down to lack of sleep and hormones. Anyways, a friend of my partner's came into my work today (I work in a café) and said he needed to speak to me when I was free. I was free as there wasn't any customers at this time. He told me that my partner has been collecting slugs from the garden on fruit that he has been putting out there and putting them in my food, blending them up. He even sent this friend of his pictures of a bag of slugs he had collected and the picture of blended slugs.
Movement Host
[gasps] Oh my God…
Bowel Host
I feel really sick to my stomach. I don't understand why he would do this. This is so out of character of him. I asked him why he was doing it, and he accused me of snooping through his messages, which I would never do, and got so angry at me for not being able to “take a joke.”
Movement Host
What the ****?
Lovely Guest
How is that a joke?
Bowel Host
I feel disgusting. I love him to pieces, but I just don't understand his way of thinking just now. Am I overreacting? I don't know what to do, I feel lost.
Movement Host
You're underreacting.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I agree. What if they were poisonous slugs?
Movement Host
Yeah!
Bowel Host
Well, they seem to have had some effect on her—the fact that she felt sick and dizzy after eating.
Movement Host
And what's the joke here? Like what's the joke? What's the prank?
Bowel Host
Hahahaha, you ate slugs!
Movement Host
What? That's like 5-year-old humor.
Bowel Host
If that. I think they might even be a little grossed out by it.
Lovely Guest
Slugs are pretty nasty. We had a slug problem at our house.
Bowel Host
Oh, really?
Lovely Guest
They would be inside our house, like, especially when it would rain. We would just see them slugging across the walls and the floors. And they're nasty, they're big.
Movement Host
First of all, though, good on his friend for telling her. That's a real one.
Lovely Guest
Yep.
Bowel Host
Mhm. Yeah.
Movement Host
You don't see that happening too often.
Bowel Host
Not too often, no you don’t.
Lovely Guest
I think the moral is: be suspicious if a man cooks for you.
Movement Host
[laughs] Yeah. No, if he starts being like when she said he started being really nice to me, I was like, “What?” That’s such a weird—
Bowel Host
I don't think she said that. I think she said he started having hobbies all of a sudden.
Movement Host
No, she literally said…
Bowel Host
Oh, she did say that?
Lovely Guest
No, I think she did say something about—
Movement Host
Yeah. She started… Or he started being very nice to me—
Lovely Guest
Which also, if you love him to death but he just started being nice, come on now.
Bowel Host
Yeah, around two weeks ago… Was making me food, baking cakes and stuff, which he never usually—Why would you put slugs in cake? Wouldn't slugs kind of ruin the essence of the cake?
Lovely Guest
Yeah… I want to know how she didn't see—
Bowel Host
Slug mucus?
Movement Host
He really blended them in.
Bowel Host
Slug mucin or whatever y'all call that stuff that you put on your face?
Movement Host
Snail mucin.
Bowel Host
Oh. [laughs] Oh, well the update says: “Edit: I am receiving messages telling me to kill myself. Please don't do that, as I am highly sensitive just now.” The second part is: “I went to urgent care last night in the early hours of the morning and waited and was finally seen around 6 AM-ish. I had some tests, and I have a high level of metaldehyde in my blood. I was kept in for monitoring, and I have some ulcers in my stomach.”
Movement and Lovely
[gasps]
Bowel Host
I was aware of this anyways, as I was hospitalized about two months ago for a burst ulcer. Originally, I thought it was stress, but they now said it could be because of the poisoning.
Movement Host
Oh my God!
Lovely Guest
What’s metaldelyde? Metaldehyde?
Movement Host
Some kind of metal aldehyde?
Movement Host
I don't know what metaldehyde—
Bowel Host
Metallic aldehyde?
Movement Host
I think meth, meth, like m-e-t-h, methyldehyde.
Bowel Host
It doesn't say that, but maybe she misspelled.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
I could have an infection of some kind, as my temperature is high, but they haven't found anything that could be causing that yet. They’ve checked my heart, and it's fine. I'm due to have heart surgery this year though, but they're delaying it due to ulcers and infections and the fact that I keep getting sick, which is okay. I have an appointment to see my cardiologist on the 20th of April. I contacted the police and wrote a statement and was asked some questions. Anyone who knows me in real life, please don't post mine or my partner's name, as the police said it would destroy the investigation. (Not the exact words they used, but I'm unsure; I was in a daze.) My ex refused to say anything to the police or to me; however, he did say he would speak to his friend and only him. He then spoke to me. I was not alone. I was with a friend and his friend too. He confessed to doing random experiments on me and tests, starting a few months after we moved in together.
Movement Host
[gasps]
Bowel Host
It started with spitting on my toast and then the week later, he replaced my propranolol (beta blockers) with salt—empty capsules.
Movement Host
[gasps] Oh my God.
Bowel Host
I want to add he was my medication holder, as I have a history of suicide attempts, so he handled my meds and gave them to me, and that's when he thought it would be funny.
Now, this is like another reason not to tell people to kill themselves, first of all. Let me just point that out, because maybe they do have a history of trying. I mean, even if they don't have a history, maybe don't say that.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Good point.
Movement Host
What the ****?
Bowel Host
He also admitted to these things: swapping my Linda McCartney vegetarian sausages with real meat. (I have IBS and struggle to digest meat, so I became a vegetarian.) He also replaced my Quorn nuggets with his real ones. She spelled corn weird. It was Q-U-O-R-N.
Lovely Guest
I thought you were just shocked by seeing the word corn nuggets.
Movement Host
Maybe that's the brand that doesn't have actual corn or something for people who have sensitivities.
Bowel Host
Gotcha. Well it wasn't capitalized so it looked like it was just a misspelling. But anyways, one of my pet giant African land snails went missing in summer, and I assumed it escaped, as I left the lid open on their box. But he said it had died, so he scraped it out and put it in my curry.
Movement and Lovely
[gasps]
Bowel Host
I vaguely remember the day he did this, as he laughed whenever I went to eat the curry, and I got really paranoid, so I put it in the kitchen and stormed off. He then brought it upstairs and told me to taste, and I did, and I realized he added loads of… something… X-hilly? Chili?
Lovely Guest
Chili?
Movement Host
How is it spelled?
Bowel Host
X-H-I-L-L-I. Loads of… chili?
Lovely Guest
Zheelee?
Bowel Host
Maybe chili. Loads of chili. And he said he was laughing because he put chili powder in and too much came out. Now I think he must have put the chili in to cover the fact that he put my snail in there.
Movement Host
Oh my God!
Bowel Host
He also said he rubbed my toothbrush on the toilet but then washed it as he thought that was too far. I feel like this is all a dream. It just seems too dramatic to feel real. I’m unsure what’s happening on the legal front. He says he didn’t know why he did this and that he does love me truly and that he felt compelled to do it, which I understand as I suffer from OCD and get compulsions and impulsions. What the? No.
Movement Host
But not to hurt people!
Bowel Host
No!
Lovely Guest
What’s an impulsion?
Bowel Host
I don't know. Oh, impulses.
Lovely Guest
Then what's the difference between an impulsion and a compulsion?
Bowel Host
There's no clinical term “impulsion.”
Lovely Guest
Oh, okay.
Bowel Host
That's okay. I don't think English is a first language, from what I'm gathering.
Movement and Lovely
Oh.
Bowel Host
—and that he really loves taking care of me and he feels it’s his purpose, and he didn’t mean to cause serious harm.
Lovely Guest
This is giving, um… What's her name? Rose something? The one…
Lovely Guest
Gypsy Rose Blanchard?
Movement Host
Gypsy Rose Blanchard.
Lovely Guest
Did y'all hear she's separated now?
Movement Host
Oh. I didn’t know that.
Bowel Host
Wow, is he still in jail? Or prison?
Lovely Guest
He was in prison?
Bowel Host
Wasn't he?
Lovely Guest
Oh no, not that guy.
Bowel Host
Oh.
Lovely Guest
She got married.
Bowel Host
To someone—not the murderer.
Lovely Guest
No, no.
Bowel Host
Oh, okay, they, they were long—I never watched the full documentary.
Lovely Guest
Neither did I.
Bowel Host
I've listened to a podcast that wasn't quite as updated.
Movement Host
This is like giving me trust issues, honestly.
Lovely Guest
Is this real?
Bowel Host
I believe this could happen.
Movement Host
I believe it. Yeah.
Bowel Host
The fact that she has all these details. Who comes up with that?
Lovely Guest
AI.
Movement Host
And the fact that it started when they moved in together and that's when he gained control over her. Like, and he was like, “Well, I can experiment on her,” like he, literally it's like a power thing.
Bowel Host
I think the lesson from this update, though, is that when you discover one of these things, you can guarantee there’s 10 more in the background that you haven’t discovered.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, there’s more things going on. My… What I’m wondering is why was spitting on toast an experiment?
Bowel Host
Exactly.
Lovely Guest
What was that gonna result—
Bowel Host
Maybe he was trying to see if, if our DNA mixes, what happens?
Lovely Guest
[laughs]
Movement Host
Or like, I think the experiments are always to see if she would notice.
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Ohhh, that makes sense.
Movement Host
That's what I thought.
Bowel Host
Who gets off on that?
Movement Host
Psychopaths. [laughs]
Lovely Guest
Yeah, there's some consistencies in these stories.
Movement Host
Yeah. This is weird! This is very weird.
Lovely Guest
I also want to know how… her snail??
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Her snail. Her personal snail.
Lovely Guest
Wow. Okay…
Movement Host
She ate her pet.
Bowel Host
He promises he never did any of this to our animals. But like you say, the snail, if he, if what she says is true here, yeah, a snail is a **** animal.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, let's not negate the snails.
Bowel Host
She said: “I think he could just be stressed, as I have mental health issues that could have caused something in him to break from too much stress.” Why are you blaming this on yourself? What is that?
Movement Host
That’s a giant African snail.
Bowel Host
Oh.
Movement Host
Look how big they can get.
Lovely Guest
Jeez Louise. My goodness, that’s a big snail.
Bowel Host
Oh God. I might have to murder that too.
Movement and Bowel
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Have you seen pictures of a shoebill stork? They are scary.
Bowel Host
Do you think she owns one?
Lovely Guest
No. But I saw a picture the other day, and it really freaked me out.
Movement Host
Is it a snail?
Lovely Guest
No, it's a bird. It's a giant bird that cracks skulls with its beak.
Movement Host
Oh my God, that's scary. [reacts to picture of a shoebill stork] Ohhh.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Ooohhh! I have seen this before. It looks menacing.
Lovely Guest
It looks terrifying. I don't mess with birds. Or the ocean. But yeah, I feel I'm sorry for her. I hope she has a good support system.
Movement Host
Like what did she say in the first—before she updated? “I know he loves me, so I’m trying to reconcile this” or something?
Bowel Host
Well, she also says, “I know I have OCD, so I can kind of relate.”
Lovely Guest
I mean, even if you can relate, you can still, you know, not forgive somebody for doing those things.
Bowel Host
Right, yeah. Just because you're compelled to do something does not mean you have to do it.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Yikes.
Lovely Guest
Even if you felt like you had to, you can still be like, “No thanks.”
Movement Host
[laughs]
Bowel Host
I think if I were in this situation, I would have no trust left, which, at that point, what's the point?
Movement Host
Like she's about to have heart surgery and he's experimenting on her.
Bowel Host
There's another post—
Movement Host
He gave her ****ing ulcers so she can't have her surgery.
Lovely Guest
Yeah. The salts—that's… That's probably—
Movement Host
I know, and, and he replaced her beta blockers with it too, so like not only is it a salt, but also… Like what? That's crazy!
Bowel Host
[sighs] Yeah. There's several other posts. This is on r/BestofRedditorUpdates because they have updated with all of the subsequent updates.
Movement Host
Mhm.
Bowel Host
The next post was: “Just found a jar with four slugs under the sink my partner must have forgot about. I think they are dead, so can be old ones. I feel physically sick,” and then there's a picture of the several dead slugs in the jar.
Lovely Guest
Oh, there are—
Movement Host
Oh my God.
Lovely Guest
That's how we know. Oh, it is real!
Bowel Host
Once this escalates to a living thing—plant or animal—
Movement Host
Yeah…
Bowel Host
I think we can decide this is definitively… You're gone.
Movement Host
Can you show us?
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
[gasps in reaction to picture]
Movement Host
Ewww. That's gross. Are they blended already, or no? It’s just the three?
Lovely Guest
Wow…
Bowel Host
I think it said four.
Movement Host
Or four… Yikes. That’s so unfortunate that when you have health issues or disabilities, like you have to be even more careful than like people who don’t when choosing your partner. And you have to have those trust issues, like you have to like literally not trust anybody.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Wow.
Bowel Host
In the comments of that post, many are asking if she's gone to the doctor. She has, and it is revealed that he did more than feed her slugs. It says in quotes “He promised he never did any of this to your animals, but your dog recently had lungworm, and he admitted to making you eat your pet snail. He replaced your heart medication with salt and tampered with your food, knowing that you have IBS. There is nothing funny about that. He has endangered your health and those of your pets. Stress doesn't make anyone do this. He is not safe for you or your pets. These are not the actions of someone who loves taking care of you. They are cruelty. Please, stop blaming yourself. I understand your struggles with both mental and physical health and the need for someone to love and care for you, but if you value your life and those, of the animals you adopted, he can never be trusted again.”
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Agreed.
Movement Host
Absolutely. What the heck?
Bowel Host
Somewhere during all of this, the OP posts this comment: “Hi, he was diagnosed with ASPD yesterday and admitted everything to me and how I was his way of looking normal to the outside world.”
Movement Host
What?
Lovely Guest
What's ASPD?
Bowel Host
Antisocial personality disorder.
Movement Host
Oh.
Lovely Guest
Ohhhh.
Bowel Host
So we're getting some—
Lovely Guest
Wait. Is that the big one?
Bowel Host
The big one?
Movement Host
Oh, I thought you were saying like—
Lovely Guest
The uh-oh one?
Bowel Host
The maliciousness?
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Okay…
Movement Host
So he's already been diagnosed?
Bowel Host
Apparently he was diagnosed yesterday. “And he admitted everything to me and how I was his way of looking normal to the outside world. He manipulated me by giving me everything I wanted as a BPD sufferer: love, affection, compliments. He began testing me emotionally at first with cheating to see how I would react, but I forgave him and then began with food and stuff to see how long until I got sick. I'm still baffled. The person I knew, I never really knew at all. He is a psychopath, and he gives ASPD sufferers a bad name. He knew I was vulnerable due to my mental and physical illnesses. He became my carer but was torturing me at the same time, and I was unaware of any of this. He rescued me from an abusive situation and then put me into a new one. That is how he works.”
Lovely Guest
I've heard of that happening a lot, where people will leave one abusive relationship and then—
Bowel Host
Enter into a new one.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, or they get taken, kind of swept into it.
Bowel Host
Yeah. It's because of the love bombing in the initial stages.
Lovely Guest
That’s it! The love bombing.
Bowel Host
Yeah, you gotta watch out for that.
Movement Host
And it's crazy, like when you look at a lot of couples that, um, they're not necessarily healthy for each other, but like, they work together, if that makes sense. Like they complement each other in a certain way, and when people are unhealthy in a certain way, like you said she has borderline personality?
Bowel Host
Mhm.
Movement Host
And then he's like someone who is going to take advantage of her and love bomb her and stuff, so it probably worked for a long time. And like he was saying, uh, I wanted to test to see how long you would take it, where someone who doesn't like… who isn't like her would maybe in the first, like when she, when they got cheated on, would be like, “You're done,” but whereas she just wanted to be like loved and stuff.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Yeah. So she overlooked it.
Lovely Guest
Man, that is…. That bums me out.
Bowel Host
Her next update says: “I'm struggling to eat/fear of food/no appetite. I recently left a weird relationship where my partner was contaminating my food, etc.” Casual. Anyways, ever since I have struggled to eat, I moved on to a ground floor flat, and sometimes I will find slugs around the house. I am terrified of them. I keep throwing food away because I don't know what the slugs have gone on. I'm scared of getting sick. I can't cope or breathe right now. I've tried everything to stop slugs getting in: copper tape, salt, non-toxic pellets, but they still somehow find their way into my flat. I feel like nature's tormenting me. Any advice, please? I've tried speaking to my doctor, but they won't really listen, and the doctors I see said it was a good thing as I was overweight anyways.
Movement Host
What?!
Bowel Host
I was just discharged from the mental health team I was currently on. What is wrong with these people?!
Movement Host
Yeah…
Lovely Guest
That's definitely… Yikes.
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Movement Host
Um, my advice to her would be to buy like a single serving food—
Bowel Host
And a camera.
Lovely Guest
Mmm.
Movement Host
A camera. Um, a lot of salt to put around the house, don't they, doesn't that kill slugs?
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Um… Move. [laughs]
Lovely Guest
Pest control.
Bowel Host
Far away. Far away.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Get people, get health care professionals who will advocate for you rather than say you need to lose weight anyway.
Lovely Guest
Absolutely.
Bowel Host
Please. If you have the option—I don’t know where this person's from; it seems like they keep calling it a flat, so I assume it's not America, but—
Lovely Guest
The UK, maybe.
Bowel Host
Mhm.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I've heard there are slugs over there.
Bowel and Movement
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
I mean, we have slugs here too, but…
Bowel Host
A slug problem? Infestation. The last post that she posts is: “I am alive. Hello, everyone. Sorry for those who I didn't get to message back. My messages have been so full. I'm alive but have been sick with coronavirus. Thank you to those who reached out to me. You all made me feel less alone. :) Hope everyone is well.” And that was the end of smolbean197.
Lovely Guest
Smol? Smolbean…
Movement Host
[laughs]
Bowel Host
Smolbean.
Lovely Guest
Well, smolbean, we wish you all the best.
Bowel Host
We do.
Movement Host
I hope that means like she was able to move past everything.
Bowel Host
I agree, and get over the health issues and the slugs appearing in the new flat.
Movement Host
Yeah. I would honestly start seeing slugs everywhere.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Yeah, maybe this is like a psychotic break—
Movement Host
Maybe.
Bowel Host
—after all the stress she's gone through.
Movement Host
Yeah. [chuckles]
Bowel Host
It can happen. You never know.
Movement and Lovely
[laughs]
Movement Host
Alright. Next story?
Lovely Guest
Yeah! I had an unexpected threesome with my best friend and my boyfriend. Am I wrong to feel extremely betrayed by them both? Oof!
Movement Host
Eek.
Bowel Host
Yikes.
Lovely Guest
Let's see. Just the other night I was hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend in her apartment. It started out innocently enough, with us playing games and watching movies. Then we started playing never have I ever? And the questions were pretty sexual. She then asked, “Never have I ever had a threesome?” And both me and my boyfriend said no. Her entire vibe changed, to the point it was scary, and she looked at us both. She said, “What if we did something crazy?”
Movement Host
Okay…
Lovely Guest
I kind of laughed because no part of me could have ever fathomed what she meant. But then she scooted closer to my boyfriend and started kissing him.
Movement Host
Oh my God.
Lovely Guest
Wow… He wasn't stopping her. I just froze. It felt surreal, like a dream/nightmare. There they were, making out, like it was the most natural thing in the world. I think I had a trauma response of sorts and kind of… tricked myself into thinking this was normal?
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
I can’t explain it. But it's like my brain wasn't ready to feel the extent of what was happening, so it tricked itself. They started undressing each other, and on instinct, I undressed myself too.
Movement Host
Oh my God.
Bowel Host
On instinct for this… unparalleled situation.
Lovely Guest
This isn't a sex sub, so I won't go into the dirty details, but a full-fledged threesome occurred between us. The next morning, I woke up at first believing I had dreamt it, but there they were, naked on the floor together.
Bowel and Movement
What?!
Lovely Guest
I still couldn't process what the hell occurred, so I just kind of ran out. When it finally hit me, I had a full-fledged breakdown.
Bowel Host
There's a lot of full-fledged.
Movement Host
She likes to fledge fully.
Bowel Host
No half-fledges here.
Movement Host
No.
Lovely Guest
Only the full ones. I've gotten calls and texts from both of them asking if I'm okay. I haven't responded. I can't respond. I've thrown up twice from the intrusive memories. I didn't want this. Why did I go along with this? Why didn't I stop it? Why did she start it? Questions just keep swimming in my brain.
Bowel Host
Full-fledgedly.
Lovely Guest
It keeps going.
Movement Host
There's more?
Lovely Guest
Oh, there's a lot more. I don't know what the hell to do. Last text from my boyfriend was, “I hope you aren't upset. I think that was such a special event in our relationship, even though it was insane.” He's knocked on my door and I haven't opened it.
Bowel Host
In our relationship?
Lovely Guest
Mm-hmm.
Movement Host
Yeah…
Lovely Guest
I have no idea where to go from here. I still love him, but I can't look at him the same. I mean, I ****ing saw his **** go in and out of my best friend.
Movement Host
Yikes.
Lovely Guest
Not to mention her. I feel like I've been betrayed in the most disgusting way, even though I let it happen/participated. Am I right to feel like they did wrong in the worst way?
Movement Host
Yes, you're right, because what the heck? They didn't even like ask for permission. They didn't talk about it, like they immediately just went into it. What the ****?
Bowel Host
Yeah, there was no… Yeah, she said he hadn't, he didn't at all push her away?
Movement Host
Yeah! Probably as if they have already made out before or like done more stuff, like…
Bowel Host
There was some comfort there, or comfortability, I guess, that allowed this to happen so casually.
Movement Host
Yeah. What the heck? [laughs]
Bowel Host
Also to call this like a milestone in their relationship when it wasn't like again, like communicated beforehand or like…
Movement Host
And the fact that it's her best friend, like not some random person.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I don't know… I don't know, I'm stunned.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Should we read the update?
Movement Host
Mhm.
Lovely Guest
Update: Hey guys, I figured I should add this to my post rather than respond to a bunch of people with it. I met up with my boyfriend about the situation. In a nutshell, this is what I got out of him, and I asked a lot of questions. One: No, he hasn't been sleeping with her the whole time. That night was the first time. Two: he didn't actively want to sleep with her, but he wouldn't have said no either.
Bowel Host
He didn't say no. We know that.
Lovely Guest
He very much didn't. He put this down to being a horny guy.
Bowel Host
Well, that's problematic, though.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
If he can just use this as an excuse of like, “Oh well, they offered, so I had to say yes.”
Lovely Guest
That's true.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Three: He thought that the vibe was super sexual even before she came on to him and that he expected it to happen and thought I did too. He mentioned how sexual the questions were and her straight up saying we were turning her on with our answers. She did say this, but I thought she was joking. Four: He didn't push her away because he thought it would be a fun experience for all of us. Five: He admitted to being turned on by her boldness and doing it in front of me. Six: He thought that if she did it so easily, it meant she and I talked about it beforehand and that's why we invited him.
Movement Host
Okay.
Lovely Guest
Seven: They didn't have sex after I left, but they did express regret over possibly hurting me, and he left as soon as he could. And then there is more, but it’s a lot.
Movement Host
Oh my God. I don't know… Like what was he thinking? What was, what was her best friend thinking? What were they all thinking?
Bowel Host
I think they all had different thoughts is my guess.
Movement Host
I can understand why she was like shocked and didn't say anything and just like tried to act normal. I mean, it's not a perfect response, obviously, but like I can understand why.
Bowel Host
People dissociate.
Movement Host
Yeah, but then like, why didn't they… like they weren't dissociating? They were fully aware of what they were doing. Like why didn't they think, “Oh, let me make sure it's okay with my best friend or my girlfriend,” like… What the ****?
Bowel Host
And he says like, um, I thought you guys had discussed it beforehand without me.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Wouldn't you think that your girlfriend would come to you and say, hey, we've had this, we have this idea. Like she would relay that to you? What kind of relationship do you have where that's not the case?
Movement Host
And would he be willing to do that with one of his buddies?
Lovely Guest
True.
Bowel Host
Yeah, no, he wouldn't. Would he assume that too? That like, oh, because we're having a sexual you know conversation, or conversation about our sexual histories or whatever, like that automatically means we're setting up for a threesome?
Movement Host
That's another thing about men too. Like they think if a woman is comfortable talking about sex in front of you, that means she wants you. Or like if a woman is comfortable around you, she wants you. Like, oh, then this must mean that they talked about it and we're gonna have sex.
Lovely Guest
Well, after that long list, she said: I asked if I could see his phone to see if he'd been talking to her. He admitted that they did message a bit after the ordeal, but it was nothing serious. I asked if I could see and he got kind of panicky, which made my heart drop. He was like let me remind you that I was still in the mindset that it was a special moment for us.
Movement Host
I'm so tired of hearing “for us.” Or “for our relationship.”
Movement Host
Just the whole phrase “special moment for us.”
Lovely Guest
Special moment.
Bowel Host
Who is us? Who is he referring to?
Lovely Guest
All three of them, probably. So I knew I was going to get sick from what I saw, but I needed the full truth out of the situation, so I asked anyway. He showed me their DMs. They went something like—You want to do this with me?
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Okay, good. You can be her, I'll be him.
Movement Host
“Let me know if you get in touch with the girlfriend.”
Lovely Guest
“I will. Can I be honest, though?”
Movement Host
“Of course.”
Lovely Guest
“Last night was the best night of my life.”
Movement Host
Oh my God. [laughs] “Me too. I feel bad, that the girlfriend might feel bad, but God, it was so hot.”
Lovely Guest
Wow… “I'll be sad if we can't do that again.”
Movement Host
“You're everything the girlfriend said you were.” Oh my God…
Bowel Host
What?
Lovely Guest
“She talks about me like that? I'm embarrassed. Lol.”
Movement Host
He’s like blushing. [laughs] “All the time. I low-key wanted to see for myself.”
Lovely Guest
[gasps]
Bowel Host
You definitely wanted to see for yourself.
Lovely Guest
After that he started complimenting her skills and stuff, which I quickly skimmed over because I knew I'd get sick if I fully processed them. I skimmed over the rest of the conversation, really, because at this point, I just couldn't handle seeing anything else of that nature.
Bowel Host
God, the betrayal.
Movement Host
Yeah…
Lovely Guest
[belches] Excuse me.
Bowel and Movement
[laughs]
Bowel Host
We're keeping that in.
Lovely Guest
[laughs] I'm sorry, it’s the burger.
Movement Host
Perfect timing.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
It's the ranch. I scrolled up in their DMs and only saw occasional memes and reposts, so I'm pretty confident that last night was the first time. It still doesn't make me feel better, though, considering while I was having a literal breakdown, they were complimenting each other's sex skills and bodies. I told him to leave, and he begged me to forgive him for everything, but I told him to go **** off again, since he loved it so much. At this point I'll probably block them both and just focus on healing and moving on, because I know I'm not the kind of person to get over that at all. Thanks everyone for your advice and support. It truly made me feel worlds better.
Bowel Host
Who does get over that?
Lovely Guest
Nobody.
Movement Host
That best friend is such a snake.
Lovely Guest
That's my thing is like I don't think I would… How does that? How is that your best friend?
Bowel Host
It's not, not anymore.
Lovely Guest
How was it ever? Like do people do that?
Movement Host
So you shouldn't be talking about now like your sex life in front of your friends, because maybe your best friend will like go in like—
Bowel Host
Only talk about the problematic parts of the sex.
Movement Host
Yeah. [laughs]
Movement Host
He is so—
Bowel Host
Small. Smolbean.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Smolbean197.
Bowel Host
Mhm.
Movement Host
1.97 inch.
Bowel Host
Sluggish.
Movement Host
[laughs] Shut up! Oh God. Whew! Yeah, that's crazy.
Lovely Guest
Mhm.
Movement Host
Why—I think the um, the pattern today, or the theme is trust issues. Like don't trust anybody.
Lovely Guest
I know this is scaring me.
Movement Host
Yeah. I do believe that they hadn't talked before or like they hadn't done anything before.
Bowel Host
You do believe that?
Movement Host
Mhm.
Bowel Host
Well, yeah, because he wouldn't be talking about how that was the greatest night, because they would have done it before.
Movement Host
Or she would have said, like I was, you know low-key wanting to see what she was talking about.
Bowel Host
Mhm.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Yeah, that's a good point. But maybe they've done lead-up stuff before.
Lovely Guest
Maybe they flirted.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Bowel Host
Flirted, made out.
Lovely Guest
That’s so bold. I just can’t get over…
Movement Host
Now I understand, like why, like you know, in cis-hetero relationships, like women are so like you can't have girlfriends to their boyfriends.
Lovely Guest
I have girlfriends. Not girlfriends girlfriends, but girl friends.
Bowel Host
No, you wouldn't be able to have boy friends.
Movement Host
No, no, no, no, hold on, can you wait? Like, why they don't like their boyfriends having girl friends?
Lovely Guest
Oh, I see, I see, I see.
Bowel Host
But this is such an interesting scenario because you think if you invite your boyfriend to hang out with your friend with you present, that nothing's going to happen.
Movement Host
Yeah. [laughs]
Bowel Host
Like you think that's like sort of an immunity.
Movement Host
Yeah. Chaperone's present!
Lovely Guest
My thing is, I guess that just shows that you really need to have different taste in people than your friends.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Or have better friends.
Bowel Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Who do you think she should be more mad at? The friend or her boyfriend?
Bowel Host
Both. But probably the boyfriend more.
Movement Host
Yeah because they had a…
Bowel Host
They had a more of a commitment, I would think. That's the impression I get. She never explicitly says it, but…
Movement Host
Do you guys not feel like in platonic relationships you have commitments?
Lovely Guest
Yeah. If you say so.
Movement Host
Like a boyfriend versus a husband is different. I feel like a boyfriend and a best friend, you almost have the same level of commitment.
Bowel Host
Except… I mean, there's the sex in the—
Movement Host
No, but that's like an element of the relationship, it's not a commitment.
Bowel Host
There's the commitment of remaining faithful sexually which is unique to that—
Movement Host
Yeah, but your best friend, you have a commitment to not sleep with their boyfriend. [laughs]
Bowel Host
What if they don't have one though?
Movement Host
You know, you just don't do that, you don't cross that line. So like—Huh?
Bowel Host
But if they don't have a boyfriend, then you don't have that commitment.
Movement Host
You don't sleep with someone they're interested in.
Lovely Guest
Mmm, there you go.
Bowel Host
Okay…
Movement Host
So I feel like it’s the same. I feel like I would be—
Lovely Guest
You don't sleep with anybody.
Movement Host
—equally—Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Just don't sleep.
Movement Host
But yeah, so like I feel like she should be the same amount of mad at both of them. If this is truly her best friend.
Bowel Host
Really? I feel like there's still more obligation to the boyfriend to remain loyal.
Lovely Guest
I feel like it's a, it's betrayal in different ways. So yes, equally betrayed, but just in different ways.
Bowel Guest
The fact that it's a double betrayal—
Lovely Guest
And it depends on how long she's been dating this guy too, because if this is her best friend of years and years, I mean… Whew!
Bowel Host
I'm trying to see if she had any comments. She did post on this, post some comments on this.
Lovely Guest
Did she?
Bowel Host
Mhm. She mentioned that she was going to meet up with the boyfriend to discuss. He was trying to his best to involve us both after I joined in. I mean, that's not inviting her.
Movement Host
Yeah, that's weird. The fact that she woke up and they were on the floor together.
Bowel Host
Yes.
Movement Host
That was like I screamed, like, what?!
Bowel Host
You did not.
Movement Host
Like, in my head, I screamed.
Bowel Host
I silently screamed.
Movement Host
Internally screamed.
Lovely Guest
This is an interesting comment: “My wife and I have had threesomes. This wasn't a threesome. This was cheating, planned or building for a good while. Your boyfriend betrayed you big time.” Yeah, it does, if you're going to have an open relationship, or if you're going to open your relationship for a night—
Movement Host
You got to talk about it.
Lovely Guest
You got to talk about it. Communication is key.
Bowel Host
Boundaries are important.
Lovely Guest
Yeah. We like communication.
Bowel Host
And the fact that he has to preface showing the phone to her with all these things about, “Oh well, it was just such a special night for us, so just remember that when you read everything,” it's like, yeah, if someone has to say that to you, you don't even need to go through the phone, just end it.
Movement Host
Yeah. I feel like this is controversial. A lot of people have different opinions on this, like do you forgive a cheater? Should you forgive a cheater? Because, like, if you forgive them once, are they not just gonna do it again?
Bowel Host
I think there's different profiles of cheating.
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
Like what?
Bowel Host
Like there's the more mature cheating, where it's like—
Lovely Guest
The better way.
Bowel Host
Where it's like a one-time thing and it's over and done, and it's like they come out to you and reveal what they did.
Movement Host
The lesser of two evils.
Bowel Host
Yeah, and it never happens again because they feel the guilt of it—
Movement Host
Yeah, and they grow from it.
Bowel Host
Versus—yeah—someone who's like concealing it and being deceitful and not loyal and all these things kind of put together.
Movement Host
Multiple times.
Bowel Host
Multiple times.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, I mean, I think it just depends on your personal boundaries. For some people, I think cheating is that's it. Like one, done, bye. But it just depends.
Bowel Host
Yeah. Could you all tolerate it?
Movement Host
I don't think I could.
Lovely Guest
I don't know. I couldn’t tolerate the slugs, that's for sure.
All
[laughs]
Movement Host
Well, I say that. I’ve never been through it, but I think it's harder to like to actually go through it and still say, especially if you're invested and you really love that person.
Bowel and Lovely
Mhm.
Lovely Guest
Because that is the other thing is that, you know… Isn't that part of most people's marriage vows? It's like I'll stick with ya.
Movement Host
Yeah.
Lovely Guest
If the other person says I'm committed to you even if you cheat.
Bowel Host
Unconditional love, I don't know about that. There should be some conditions.
Movement Host
Yeah, like—
Lovely Guest
Isn't all love conditional?
Movement Host
Yeah…
Bowel Host
Kind of, unless it's enabling. I feel like that's unconditional.
Lovely Guest
We don't allow people to murder us. Therefore, it is conditioned, right?
Movement Host
Like I would still love you even if you murdered me?
Lovely Guest
That's ultimate love. That's the goal.
Bowel Host
That is not the goal.
Movement and Lovely
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Let's aim for that.
Bowel Host
Wow…
Movement Host
Is love that requires you to go beyond your boundaries still love?
Bowel Host
No… That’s controlling. Manipulation. Control.
Movement Host
Mhm.
Lovely Guest
Love that forces you to go beyond your boundaries?
Movement Host
Well, like you're constantly going against your boundaries for. Is that love?
Lovely Guest
But then there's also the counter of… Well, I guess it depends on what kind of boundaries ‘cause you also say, you know, your partner will help you grow.
Movement Host
That's true.
Lovely Guest
Make you grow, I guess.
Bowel Host
Make?
Lovely Guest
Well, not force, but like—
Bowel Host
Encourage.
Lovely Guest
—you each… Right. You each, you know, because you're different.
Bowel Host
Yeah. Hopefully.
Lovely Guest
And things happen.
Bowel Host
Yeah. she did say in a comment on the post: “Okay, let me try to explain how I felt in the moment. When they started going at it with no hesitation like it was natural, I started blaming myself. Because how could they do this so easily and effortlessly if I didn’t give them some sign that it was okay? I immediately blamed myself. I don’t know what I did, but I obviously did something, because they seemed to think that it was completely okay. I was also like so ****ing scared of admitting to myself that my best friend and my boyfriend were about to get it on in front of me that I convinced myself in the moment that I wanted it. Because if I wanted it, it wouldn’t be a betrayal. It was like I was desperately convincing myself everything was okay.”
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
That's so sad.
Bowel Host
Yeah. I get where she's coming from when she describes it that way.
Lovely Guest
Yeah. I mean, that makes sense.
Bowel Host
That's such a ****ing shitty situation to be put in.
Lovely Guest
If you're listening and you want new friends…
Movement Host
[laughs] I feel like, um, this is worse than cheating, honestly. The fact that he, like, made her watch and participate in it.
Bowel Host
And wake up the next day and see them together and not your boyfriend next to you.
Movement Host
Yeah. Yeah.
Lovely Guest
Yeah, that's…
Movement Host
****ed up.
Lovely Guest
You couldn’t come back from that.
Bowel Host
Yeah. There's no redeeming yourself.
Movement Host
Because like maybe people who can like forgive cheating and like the other person does grow and stuff, like at least you don't have that image in your mind. But like, if you see it, like you literally sorry, you literally participate in it all night. Oh my God, I could never forget that.
Bowel Host
No, and he can't either.
Movement Host
Yeah. [laughs]
Bowel Host
Apparently. It's an unforgettable moment for all.
Movement Host
Best night of his life.
Lovely Guest
A special moment.
Movement Host
I bet you, like how much you guys want to bet that they're going to get together?
Lovely Guest
Yeah, they probably will.
Bowel Host
I'll bet.
Lovely Guest
I’ll bet.
Movement Host
Is there another update?
Bowel Host
No updates, sorry. Guess it wasn't a priority for this one either.
Lovely Guest
She's moved on. Good.
Bowel Guest
Yeah, that was eight days ago on r/amiwrong. So was she wrong?
Movement Host
No… Wait, for what? Feeling betrayed? No!
Bowel Host
Feeling betrayed, yeah.
Lovely Guest
Absolutely not.
Movement Host
I feel betrayed for her! [laughs]
Lovely Guest
Yeah.
Movement Host
I feel betrayed by all men because of this douchebag, and I feel betrayed by all best friends.
Bowel Host
Oh. Well that's news to me.
Movement Host
[laughs]
Lovely Guest
Wow…
Bowel Host
Don't worry, don't worry, no need to worry.
All
[laughs]
Movement Host
Um… Yeah. Good luck to you. Get that **** out of your life.
Lovely Guest
To all of these people. Hopefully there will be no slugs in your future.
Bowel Host
No slugs, no threesomes—
Lovely Guest
No bleach.
Bowel Host
No bleach.
Movement Host
Cleanse. You got to do cleanses. Cleanse your social life. Cleanse your bowels. Yeah, seriously. I really hope that woman gets her heart surgery and stops having ulcers. I’m worried about her.
Bowel Host
Yeah. And heart problems. Oh, you already said that.
Movement Host
Yeah. [laughs] I think that's our cue.