Episode 5: Betrayal, Betrayal, Betrayal

Bowel Host

So would you like to be introduced or would you like to remain anonymous or...? 

Lovely Guest

I can remain anonymous. I can be that anonymous caller. 

Movement Host

I kind of feel like we should say, like, give a moniker to everybody. 

Bowel Host

Okay. I'll be Bowel. 

Movement Host

I'll be Movement. 

Lovely Guest

Stool? [laughs] 

Bowel Host

[laughs]

Movement Host

[laughs] Leaky? 

Bowel Host

Ew... Leaky? 

Movement Host

Leaky Bowel Movement. 

Bowel Host

I like more healthy. 

Movement Host

Oh okay, healthy. Luscious.

Bowel Host

Luscious bowel movement. 

Lovely Guest

Okay… 

Bowel Host

Lovely. 

Lovely Guest

Lovely bowels. Movements. 

Bowel Host

Yes. Everybody wants a lovely bowel movement. 

Movement Host 

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Okay, Lovely. 

Movement Host

Okay. 

Lovely Guest

I'm Lovely. 

Movement Host

Hi, Lovely. 

Lovely Guest

Hi, Movement. 

Movement Host

[laughs] Thanks for coming on the show.

Movement Host

Thank you so much for having me, I'm so honored to be here. 

Bowel Host

We're honored to have you. 

Movement Host

Yeah, you had quite a journey too, like from calling in and— 

Bowel Host

Oh, I thought you were gonna say from like the esophagus down to the— 

Movement Host

Oh no. 

Lovely Guest

It was. It took a while.

Bowel Host

Yeah, so if you call in, you're basically guaranteed a slot on the show.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I mean I was a stranger, I've never met either of you. I'm… You just called and said “Come on up.” I said, “Great!”

Bowel Host

This time we’re going in blind. The theme here is going to be unprepared because we are—

Lovely Guest

I feel unprepared.

Bowel Host

We are all in the same boat here.

Lovely Guest

Good.

Bowel Host

The same bowel movement. 

Lovely Guest

The same unprepared bowel movement. 

Movement Host

Lovely.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, lovely and unprepared. 

Bowel Host

Lovely and unprepared do not go together when it comes to bowel movements. 

Movement Host

Oh, that’s true.

Lovely Guest

Well, I don't know. It can be quite a relief. 

Bowel Host

If you're in the right place. But you know… 

Lovely Guest

That’s quite a good point. 

Movement Host

Did I ever tell you guys that I've shit myself before?

Bowel Host

Wow…

Lovely Guest

Probably recently. 

Movement Host

No. 

Lovely Guest

Right now? 

Movement Host

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Is this you telling us you need to pause? 

Movement Host

No, um, when I got food poisoning while I was in Lebanon from eating like way too much sushi, um, I got really sick and we went to the ER. And they wouldn't let me have a room because I didn't have health insurance there. My mom was like, “We're good for it, we can pay, like, please just let her have a room. She's like literally dying,” and I like shit myself in the waiting room. Then they let me have a room because they're like, “Okay—

Bowel Host

We can't tolerate any more of this! 

Movement Host

And I was wearing harem pants. I don't know if that like made it worse.

Lovely Guest

Are those the ones with like, like, um, like a loose middle?

Movement Host

Yeah, a loose groin. Those are the ones with a loose groin. I think that made it better, actually. 

Lovely Guest

Hm…

Bowel Host

Good to know. Pro tips. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest 

That if you, if you feel a leaky bowel… [screeching noise] Oops. 

Movement Host 

Anyway, so…

Bowel Host

Yeah, should we get started here? 

Movement Host

Yeah, I can, I can go ahead. 

Bowel Host

Okay, sure. 

Movement Host

Okay, so the first story is “Am I the asshole for refusing to wear a bra when my roomie’s bf stays over?” I don't wear a bra at home. I go to college, then library and then work and then gym. I'm out at 7 AM and back at 10 PM. Usually I take a quick shower when I get home, then make a snack and just relax for an hour before bedtime. On weekends, I barely leave the apartment besides the occasional outing with friends or colleagues. My roommate and I are very close, but now she has been biting my head off about me not wearing a bra at home. I was confused. Then she explained that it was about her boyfriend. I laughed in her face and told her to put a bra on his eyes instead. She got very upset, but I told her I wasn't interested in her boyfriend. Not in the slightest. She got offended and said that he wasn't interested in me either, so I said, “Then why are we arguing?” It's only an issue if we were interested in each other. Tell him next time he sees me braless he can pretend that I am a wall. According to her, it wasn't about interest but being invasive, and he felt uncomfortable. Would you think that it was fine if he showed his d? [laughs] I called her stupid because I was in my home. I wouldn't go braless in his home, and if he chose to go naked in his home, the only right I have is to get the hell out of there. She called me the asshole. Am I?

Lovely Guest

Hm… Interesting. Well, I don’t wear a bra in my home. 

Bowel and Movement Hosts

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

But I do if strangers come over. But if he's not a stranger… I guess it depends on how often this man is at her home. If he's there a lot, then I feel like she has a right to not wear a bra in her own home.

Movement Host

Yeah. All the time. 

Bowel Host

I mean, I don’t know, I feel like, regardless of the amount that he's there, I'm like, I agree with her, it's her place—

Lovely Guest

That is true.

Bowel Host

If he's uncomfortable, he has a right to leave. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I put a bra on because I'm more uncomfortable.

Bowel Host

Yes, exactly.

Lovely Guest

So I feel like if she doesn't feel like she has to, it’s her house. 

Bowel Host

Yeah, if she has the confidence, flaunt it.

Movement Host

Yeah. She made a comment saying let's say I get a boyfriend and she goes around the apartment naked, and he comes and complains to me. I would say, “Oh yeah, she's like that. Are you uncomfortable? Let's meet in your place then because this is her home.” 

Bowel Host

That's what I essentially said, just he can leave. 

Lovely Guest

The other thing is there is people are too uncomfortable with boobs. 

Movement Host

Yeah. 

Lovely Guest

And I'm uncomfortable with my boobs without a bra because I feel like everybody's uncomfortable. 

Bowel Host

Me too. I am of the “enslave the nipple” mentality. 

Lovely Guest

That's right, I forgot that you are. 

Bowel Host

#enslavethenipple

Lovely Guest

What ever happened to those bumper stickers? Weren’t we gonna get that? 

Bowel Host

I don't know. Is that not… Probably somebody has already come up with that phrase—

Lovely Guest

But have they copyrighted it as we’re doing right now? Hashtag TM.

Movement Host

It costs like $500+ to copyright something. 

Lovely Guest

Never mind. Let that nipple be free.

Movement Host

[laughs] Neutral nipple.

Lovely Guest

What were you saying?

Movement Host

I was saying that last night, like, I was talking about like the whole free the nipple thing, and I was like I think you should be able to free the nipple in certain places, like everyone. And I think everyone should just enslave the nipple in certain places as well, like men included. Like if you're just like out on a normal street, why are you not wearing a shirt? But maybe it's because I'm from a conservative country or something… [laughs] But I think that's like in France as well. Like you're not allowed to go shirtless if you're a man unless you're at the beach or something like that. 

Bowel Host

So like a public space that isn't designated for activities that require more shirtlessness? 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

You should be required to wear a shirt? 

Lovely Guest

Well that’s… Wasn't there a debate on Instagram about that? You know, why are male nipples allowed but biologically born female nipples are not? Or I guess any nipples are not. No, no, no.

Movement Host

[laughs] 

Lovely Guest

Reverse.

Bowel Host

Reverse, reverse.

Lovely Guest

Reverse, reverse. Lovely’s confused. 

Bowel Host

Oh, Lovely. 

Movement Host

Oh, Lovely. [laughs] Um… Yeah. I just, I think the thing that I, that bugs me is the fact that, like, she didn’t call out her boyfriend. Like she was like… 

Bowel Host

Exactly! And how does she know, first of all, that he's not attracted to the roommate? 

Movement Host

I don't know.

Bowel Host

Did she straight up ask?

Movement Host

I don't know if she said that, but she just told the roommate… 

Bowel Host

She's like, because the roommate said, “I’m not attracted to your boyfriend,” she’s like, “Oh well, he's not attracted to you either.”

Movement Host

Yeah, that's kind of the vibes it gives off. 

Lovely Guest

Mhm. 

Bowel Host

Um, but like if my boyfriend were like, “Oh my God, your roommate doesn't wear a bra?” I'd be like, “Shut the **** up,” like don't look if you don't want to see that. Like don't look. Like this is her house. But like if she were like walking around naked and that made him uncomfortable, that's a little bit different. I'd be like, “Yeah, let's go to your place.” 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Yeah. And also, she's not even like shirtless, like, it's just her natural boob shape? 

Lovely Guest

That's true.

Movement Host

Like her normal boob shape is out in the open?

Lovely Guest

Yeah, good point, good point. 

Movement Host

[dog sounds] We have a visitor.

Bowel Host

Alright, you ready for another one? 

Lovely Guest

Yes.

Bowel Host

My (31F) husband (32M) has been killing my houseplants with bleach. 

Lovely Guest

I'm intrigued.

Movement Host

[laughs]

Bowel Host

Alright, this one's from r/relationship_advice. She says: I have many, many houseplants and even some that were quite expensive and were gifts from my sister. Within the last six months, at least a third of my plants have died. I've had houseplants my whole life due to my late mother's own love of houseplants, and I know a lot about plants. The death of the plants didn't seem related to lack of light or inconsistent watering or lack of nutrients or even root rot! They just died very suddenly. I tried not to let it upset me too much because plants die, and it was not any of the expensive ones, until now. My sister gave me a five-leaf monstera albo rooted plant for my birthday two months ago. 

Movement Host

Ooooh.

Lovely Guest

Wow.

Bowel Host

It was beautiful. Some might even say lovely. This morning, I was crying pretty hard about it as I un-potted it and took a look at the roots, and I was looking hard at this plant and roots to see if its death was pest-related. And that's when I noticed a smell. I sniffed my potting mix, and I smelled bleach. The only other adult person in my home with unlimited, unobserved access to my plants is my husband. I wasn't able to talk to him for several hours, but when I could speak to him, I very calmly but very directly asked if he had done something to my plants. He denied it at first. I said I smelled bleach in the potting mix of the albo my sister had gotten me, and that the only person that could have put it there was him, and he caved. He said he was putting small amounts of bleach into the fertilizer water jugs I prepare. I started crying. I asked him why. Why would you do this? You know I love these plants. Why would you destroy them? He didn't really answer, nor did he really apologize. The trust I had in him is absolutely gone. I think maybe counseling can help us, but he is the one that did this, but I'm the one that would have to set up the counseling. The angry part of me just wants to be done with this relationship. I know that might seem overboard, as we're married and share a child, but I feel now that I'm not safe around my husband. 

Movement Host

Oh my God… The drama. I mean, I don't want to like diminish that these plants are important to her, but it’s just a little bit intense. 

Bowel Host

It does speak to me as like unhinged behavior. Who thinks to do something so—

Movement Host

Yeah, like would he do that to her when if she started annoying him? 

Lovely Guest

And I want to know why. Like, like her. I would like to know. I mean, maybe he's jealous. Maybe she… She does sound like she really enjoys spending time with these plants. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to ask for more time and attention for himself?

Movement Host 

Yeah, but how did they get through all of this into like marriage and stuff and have a kid and—

Lovely Guest

That’s a really good point.

Movement Host

—and he can’t do that. 

Lovely Guest

Maybe he's also partaking in the bleach drinking, and it's changed his behavior. 

Bowel Host

That would be a twist. It does remind me, though, do you guys remember Auburn has these big *** trees in Toomer’s Corner that are, like, very like, sacred to the sport. When they win, they toilet paper the trees.

Lovely Guest

That’s what you do to sacred trees. 

Bowel Host

Yeah. I mean, it’s just a tradition. But they hold this tradition whenever they win the games, and there was a game that they won against Alabama, I believe, and an Alabama fan poisoned the tree. It was a big scandal. 

Lovely Guest

What happened to the tree? 

Bowel Host

I think it was deteriorating after that. 

Lovely Guest

Is it dead? 

Bowel Host

I don’t know if it’s fully dead or if it just was a little bit ill. 

Lovely Guest

Okay, so not tree murder.

Bowel Host

I don’t know, it could be tree murder.

Lovely Guest

Tree felony. 

Bowel Host

Whatever it was, it was intended murder. 

Lovely Guest

Attempted manslaughter, that's it. Attempted treeslaughter.

Movement Host

No, murder. 

Bowel Host

But like isn't that, isn't that an unhinged reaction, though, to just a loss of a ****ing football game or whatever it was?

Movement and Lovely 

Yeah.

Bowel Host

And this—we don't even know the rationale or the justification. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah, it's hard for me to give a clear opinion when I don't know the reasoning.

Movement Host

Yeah. What if it were like a cat or a dog that she spent all her time with, like would he poison them?

Bowel Host

That's what I wonder because poisoning something is like… Who comes to that conclusion as like, “Oh, this is the way I'm going to get my revenge, I'm going to poison something that means something to her.” 

Movement Host

Why is it revenge? Like why would it go so far as to be revenge? That's my question. It's not revenge. It's like he's jealous, he wants attention, like, okay, give the plant away. 

Lovely Guest

I want to know how old the child is, because I do feel like there can be a pattern in cis-hetero relationships sometimes where as soon as the first child comes about, the man gets a little bit jealous because he's not getting attention. But I've never heard it get to the point where he starts poisoning the plants. 

Bowel Host

Yeah, that's an interesting approach. I think, too, she mentioned, “Oh well, I wonder if counseling will help,” and I'm like, is counseling going to help psychopathy? I don’t know.

Movement Host

Is it psychopathy? [laughs]

Lovely Guest

Okay, would you be mad if you found out your partner was… Would you be more mad or confused? I think I'd be more confused. 

Movement Host

Yeah, I would be too. 

Bowel Host

I think I'd be both. I'd be mad confused.

Lovely Guest

[laughs] Mad confused.

Bowel Host

Maaad confused, man. 

Movement Host

[laughs]

Bowel Host

I would be both because he knows it means a lot, and that's just kind of a **itty thing to do when you know that. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

True. 

Bowel Host

The edit here says I thank everyone for giving advice. The townhome we live in is mine and my sister's—our inheritance from my mother. My husband has an office/den/gaming room that is his personal space, and there are no plants there. There are also no plants in the kitchen. I'm not a plant hoarder. Like he has a room for himself, I also have a sunroom and that's where the concentration of plants live. He has no reason to go in there. It's not access to our backyard or anything. I saw some people saying maybe he's sick of bugs, but I don't have a fungus gnat problem. I did see one person ask why did I not smell the bleach when I was watering? And I can only say my nose wasn't all up in there, maybe? I also usually use a natural systemic in my fertilizer water called SNS-209 that smells heavily of rosemary, but I ran out of that last month and haven't replaced it yet. After our conversation yesterday, I needed space. I spent the night in my daughter's room on a trundle bed. Weird detail, but okay. I'm going to text my husband today. He usually communicates easier and opens up more via text rather than face-to-face. I'm going to ask for a reason, and I'll see what he says. 

Movement Host

Oh my God, if it’s all confined to one room and it’s like, you know, her room, her sunroom. I don’t understand why he would be…

Bowel Host

In there?

Movement Host

Upset. No, I really don’t. It makes me feel like he's not upset about the plants, he's upset at her, and he's taking it out on the plants. 

Bowel Host

I am curious about this reason. I want, I want to get to the bottom of this as well.

Movement Host

Yeah. Does she update?

Bowel Host

There is another edit. 

Movement Host 

Oh, okay, I was like, “Oh no, there’s no update!”

Lovely Guest

Oh, good, well don’t keep us in suspense. 

Bowel Host

Edit two. It says: sorry, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to update on a separate post? My husband won't be welcome in my home anymore, and I need to find a lawyer ASAP on Monday.

Movement Host

[gasps] Oh my God…

Bowel Host

I did text him, and he admitted again to putting bleach in my fertilizer water. He says it wasn't every jug I ever made, so that explains why it wasn't all my plants dying, but randomly over the past six months. His exact words were that I deserved to be knocked down a peg. 

Lovely Guest

[gasps]

Movement Host

What?! 

Bowel Host

What a **tch. 

Movement Host

Oh my God! 

Lovely Guest

That really… That's quite… [chair noise] Sorry. That's readjusting my chair kind of shock. Wow!

Bowel Host

Yeah, it's like you're speechless, so you have to do some kind of movement to like get the words out. 

Lovely Guest

I do, and I'm still speechless. That’s…

Movement Host

That's crazy.

Bowel Host

She says also: After the text communication, I went home from work early, and I entered his office. I usually respect his space absolutely. I don't even go in there to grab dirty dishes. I don't know what I was looking for, but the hundreds of comments saying he was working up to something worse or already was doing something else really worried me. I went in there, and I found a drawer full of my daughter's dolls and dollhouse furniture and little toys. I bought her that dollhouse for her fourth birthday last year, and she's loved it. (So we at least get the age now. She's four or five.) She takes such good care of her toys, but something always ends up missing, and it's always my husband who notices. He lectures her about keeping track of her things and how he won't let her play with her dollhouse if she keeps losing things. He keeps going until she starts to sob. 

Movement Host

Maybe you were right about the psychopathy.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I'm alarmed by this level of behavior. 

Bowel Host

When I hear this going on, I always, always step in and ask him to go take a break. I assumed he was losing his cool. I’ve told him this is not how to deal with this with a kid, and he says he just wants her to grow up responsible. I now see it was some weird scheme or setup or something? He would steal the stuff and stash it away and point out it was gone to berate our daughter ‘til she cried.

Lovely Guest

[gasps]

Movement Host

Oh my God. 

Bowel Host

My sister and her husband and her husband’s dad came over this afternoon and they’ve changed the locks. I’ve texted him to tell him he isn’t coming back and that he can come on Saturday morning to grab his essential things, but that my brother-in-law and another man would be there to watch. (Good for her.) 

Movement and Lovely

Yeah.

Bowel Host

Sorry if this is unclear or if things seem missing. This Reddit post isn't super my priority. I will probably not be updating again. Thank you to everyone worried about my safety. 

Movement Host

Oh my God. You know, when you first read the post, I was like, wow, like, I get the plants are important to her, but this is a little bit dramatic. But now I’m like…

Lovely Guest

That’s not dramatic.

Bowel Host

This is a key lesson though. When something is important to somebody and somebody actively sabotages that thing, it’s a sign that something’s off. 

Movement Host

I think it’s like one of the biggest red flags. 

Bowel Host

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Yeah, I was thinking maybe he is jealous of the time she spends with the plants and okay, maybe they should go to counseling or something like that. 

Bowel Host

Well, we never did get a reason, like we never got his supposed motivation for doing this.

Lovely Guest

Well, based on what he was doing, I mean it sounds like it was control issues. Especially with taking his daughter's toys, I mean…

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

What was he doing? He was pretending that she had lost them or was misplacing them, and then revealing that they, you know, “Oh well, I found it in the cupboard”—

Movement Host

No, I don't think he was revealing that. I think—

Bowel Host

Oh. 

Movement Host

I think he was just berating her for losing them and trying to, you know, “make her more responsible.” Very weird. 

Bowel Host

Unhinged is my word. To like, not diagnose, but like this man, something's wrong. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

And I don't know that counseling is going to…

Lovely Guest

Help.

Bowel Host

What, what, what does he get out of this? 

Movement Host

That's my question is: what do you guys think his… not… We all know like what he's doing, but his why in his head? Do you guys think that he thinks he's like doing a good thing for his daughter for real? Like not the plant thing, but the thing with his daughter. Do you guys think that he's just trying to control her, or he thinks he's really teaching her a lesson?

Lovely Guest

Maybe I think that's probably the excuse he's telling himself. 

Bowel Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

But it sounds like it's just anger that he's not like, because he's probably not talking about his feelings. 

Bowel Host

I think that he probably is caught off guard by this choice of hers to leave him, and I think he’s justified in his mind that this is completely rational to be taking these toys and pretending that they're gone, because, well, what if she did lose it? She needs to learn her lesson that it's not going to be replaced. 

Movement Host

Yeah. 

Bowel Host

She needs to learn how to be responsible. And then, you know, his exact words were that “I deserve to be knocked down a peg.” Why? Why does she deserve that?

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

That's why I'm thinking anger. Unresolved anger from something. 

Bowel Host

But we never get that reason, and I guess this wasn't her priority.

Lovely Guest

Probably mommy issues.

Movement Host

[laughs] Probably.

Lovely Guest

I feel like it's usually mommy issues.

Movement Host

Probably. Yeah. 

Movement Host

Or, like, you know, what's that phenomenon called where, like, the boss, like, takes out their anger at you because they have a lot of pressure on them, and then you go home and take out your anger on your wife because you have a lot of pressure on you, and then the mom takes her anger out at the child…

Bowel Host

Cyclical abuse? Or cycle of abuse?

Lovely Guest

Mmm… 

Bowel Host

Or generational trauma.

Lovely Guest

Generational trauma.

Bowel Host

Generational trauma.

Movement Host

Generational trauma.

Movement and Lovely

Generational trauma.

Lovely Guest

Generational trauma.

Movement Host

[laughs]

Bowel Host

Yeah, again, I go back to the Auburn guy. I think that's just like people who do this like is there? Maybe this is the better question: is there a good reason for poisoning someone's plants? Is there ever a good reason? 

Lovely Guest

Maybe if it's an invasive species.

Movement Host

[laughs] That is actually a really good reason.

Lovely Guest

That's destroying other plants. 

Bowel Host

So maybe that—I mean, we don't have his side of the story. 

Lovely Guest

That's true, he could have thought this plant is taking over. 

Bowel Host

And, you know, my wife needs to be knocked down a peg because she is overgrowing these invasive plants. 

Lovely Host

There you go.

Bowel Host

But we did get the name of the plant, the monstera whatever it was.

Lovely Host

Those are quite expensive. 

Movement Host

Monstera is, like it's expensive and common, but I think the one that she has is more expensive. 

Bowel Host

The albo or albo, I don't know. It's five leaves, by the way. 

Lovely Guest

I don't know. It's a five-leaf albo monstera. 

Bowel Host

She could’ve called it the windowleaf, which is much easier to pronounce. Would’ve appreciated that.

Movement Host

Maybe she does need to be knocked down a peg. 

Bowel Host

Maybe she does. This highfalutin lady. And her monstera albo.

Lovely Guest

Sorry, lady. Your psycho husband—we're on his side. 

Bowel Host

Yeah, he ain't psycho, he's just right. 

Lovely Host

He's justified. We stand for the poison of plants. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Jk, jk.

Bowel Host

We are pro plant. 

Lovely Guest

Yes.

Movement Host

We're anti-psychopath husbands. 

Lovely Guest

Yes! 

Bowel Host

Let me see if there's any interesting comments going on on this one. Let me see just what the top comment was. The top comment on this story was: “I don't know your partner. Hopefully you do, but proceed with great caution. You may want to give this a read.” And they link to another post, which is titled I found out my partner has been putting slugs in my food. I don't know how to forgive him. 

Movement Host

Yeah, I don’t think I would… Like why would you forgive someone who did that?

Lovely Guest

Again, I’m… Why?

Bowel Host

You know, I assume he knows that she wasn't, she didn't discover this until just now. Like how long has he been doing this and then feeling like some kind of silent victory or something? Like wouldn't you think if he was trying to control that he would want some acknowledgement of his efforts or something by her? Like, “Oh my God, my plants keep dying on me. What am I doing wrong?” Does she ever say that at any point to him? 

Movement Host

Probably.

Lovely Guest

I would assume so. 

Movement Host

‘Cause she was saying like lately like… 

Bowel Host

Over the past six months, or something like that. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. Wait, what is this slug thing? 

Bowel Host

There's another article, I mean…

Movement Host

[laughs]

Bowel Host

I mean there's another um, there's another post um that they linked to. Should we, should we go through it? 

Movement Host

Yeah, see how long it is.

Bowel Host

This is an update, there's an original and an update. 

Lovely Guest

‘Kay.

Bowel Host

I found out my partner has been putting slugs in my food. I don't know how to forgive him. I, (22F) have been with my partner (24M) for four years now. I have never known him to do anything like this, but I noticed he started acting a little strange around a month, maybe a month and a half ago. He started putting fruit on the floor in the garden, and I thought it was a bit weird, but he said he was feeding the mice family that have nested in our shed. 

Movement Host

What?

Bowel Host

So I thought it was sweet and helped him do so.

Movement Host

Why would you feed mice—

Lovely Guest

Fruit?

Movement and Lovely

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Do mice like fruit? 

Movement Host

I don't know what mice eat. Like cheese? 

Lovely Guest

I thought they ate wood. Wait, no, I'm thinking of—

Movement Host

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

What am I thinking of? 

Movement Host

Are you thinking of um—

Lovely Guest

Like a woodchuck? 

Movement Host

No, uh, what are they called? 

Lovely Guest

They're ant beavers. 

Movement Host

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Don’t laugh at that.

Bowel Host

Little baby beavers.

Movement Host

Wait, but why would he… Why would she think that's cute? Honestly, I’m sorry, like— 

Lovely Guest

You don't think that's cute? 

Bowel Host

Mice are much cuter than rats, so I can kind of see it.

Lovely Guest

I think mice are cute.

Bowel Host

Like of the rodent family, rodentia family…

Movement Host

Yeah, but you don’t want to have a mouse problem.

Lovely Guest

Okay, you don't.  

Bowel Host

In your garden. 

Lovely Guest

I want a mouse problem. 

Bowel Host

It's in the garden though. If they're feeding them outside, maybe they’ll stay out there.

Movement Host

Oh, maybe.

Lovely Guest 

Yeah. Maybe they’re pest control.

Bowel Host

Yeah. Maybe so.

Movement Host

Okay.

Bowel Host

Anyways… He started being really nice to me around two weeks ago and was making me food, baking me cakes and stuff, which he never usually cooks ever, so I was so happy he found a hobby. I did notice sometimes I felt sick and dizzy after eating, and I just put it down to lack of sleep and hormones. Anyways, a friend of my partner's came into my work today (I work in a café) and said he needed to speak to me when I was free. I was free as there wasn't any customers at this time. He told me that my partner has been collecting slugs from the garden on fruit that he has been putting out there and putting them in my food, blending them up. He even sent this friend of his pictures of a bag of slugs he had collected and the picture of blended slugs. 

Movement Host

[gasps] Oh my God…

Bowel Host

I feel really sick to my stomach. I don't understand why he would do this. This is so out of character of him. I asked him why he was doing it, and he accused me of snooping through his messages, which I would never do, and got so angry at me for not being able to “take a joke.” 

Movement Host

What the ****? 

Lovely Guest

How is that a joke? 

Bowel Host

I feel disgusting. I love him to pieces, but I just don't understand his way of thinking just now. Am I overreacting? I don't know what to do, I feel lost. 

Movement Host

You're underreacting. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I agree. What if they were poisonous slugs?

Movement Host

Yeah!

Bowel Host

Well, they seem to have had some effect on her—the fact that she felt sick and dizzy after eating. 

Movement Host

And what's the joke here? Like what's the joke? What's the prank?

Bowel Host

Hahahaha, you ate slugs!

Movement Host

What? That's like 5-year-old humor. 

Bowel Host

If that. I think they might even be a little grossed out by it. 

Lovely Guest

Slugs are pretty nasty. We had a slug problem at our house.

Bowel Host

Oh, really? 

Lovely Guest

They would be inside our house, like, especially when it would rain. We would just see them slugging across the walls and the floors. And they're nasty, they're big. 

Movement Host

First of all, though, good on his friend for telling her. That's a real one. 

Lovely Guest

Yep.

Bowel Host

Mhm. Yeah.

Movement Host

You don't see that happening too often. 

Bowel Host

Not too often, no you don’t.

Lovely Guest

I think the moral is: be suspicious if a man cooks for you.

Movement Host

[laughs] Yeah. No, if he starts being like when she said he started being really nice to me, I was like, “What?” That’s such a weird— 

Bowel Host

I don't think she said that. I think she said he started having hobbies all of a sudden.

Movement Host

No, she literally said…

Bowel Host

Oh, she did say that?

Lovely Guest

No, I think she did say something about—

Movement Host

Yeah. She started… Or he started being very nice to me—

Lovely Guest

Which also, if you love him to death but he just started being nice, come on now.

Bowel Host

Yeah, around two weeks ago… Was making me food, baking cakes and stuff, which he never usually—Why would you put slugs in cake? Wouldn't slugs kind of ruin the essence of the cake?

Lovely Guest

Yeah… I want to know how she didn't see—

Bowel Host

Slug mucus? 

Movement Host

He really blended them in.

Bowel Host

Slug mucin or whatever y'all call that stuff that you put on your face?

Movement Host

Snail mucin.

Bowel Host

Oh. [laughs] Oh, well the update says: “Edit: I am receiving messages telling me to kill myself. Please don't do that, as I am highly sensitive just now.” The second part is: “I went to urgent care last night in the early hours of the morning and waited and was finally seen around 6 AM-ish. I had some tests, and I have a high level of metaldehyde in my blood. I was kept in for monitoring, and I have some ulcers in my stomach.”

Movement and Lovely

[gasps]

Bowel Host

I was aware of this anyways, as I was hospitalized about two months ago for a burst ulcer. Originally, I thought it was stress, but they now said it could be because of the poisoning.

Movement Host

Oh my God! 

Lovely Guest

What’s metaldelyde? Metaldehyde?

Movement Host

Some kind of metal aldehyde? 

Movement Host

I don't know what metaldehyde—

Bowel Host

Metallic aldehyde? 

Movement Host

I think meth, meth, like m-e-t-h, methyldehyde. 

Bowel Host

It doesn't say that, but maybe she misspelled. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

I could have an infection of some kind, as my temperature is high, but they haven't found anything that could be causing that yet. They’ve checked my heart, and it's fine. I'm due to have heart surgery this year though, but they're delaying it due to ulcers and infections and the fact that I keep getting sick, which is okay. I have an appointment to see my cardiologist on the 20th of April. I contacted the police and wrote a statement and was asked some questions. Anyone who knows me in real life, please don't post mine or my partner's name, as the police said it would destroy the investigation. (Not the exact words they used, but I'm unsure; I was in a daze.) My ex refused to say anything to the police or to me; however, he did say he would speak to his friend and only him. He then spoke to me. I was not alone. I was with a friend and his friend too. He confessed to doing random experiments on me and tests, starting a few months after we moved in together.

Movement Host

[gasps]

Bowel Host

It started with spitting on my toast and then the week later, he replaced my propranolol (beta blockers) with salt—empty capsules. 

Movement Host

[gasps] Oh my God.

Bowel Host

I want to add he was my medication holder, as I have a history of suicide attempts, so he handled my meds and gave them to me, and that's when he thought it would be funny. 

Now, this is like another reason not to tell people to kill themselves, first of all. Let me just point that out, because maybe they do have a history of trying. I mean, even if they don't have a history, maybe don't say that. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Good point. 

Movement Host

What the ****?

Bowel Host

He also admitted to these things: swapping my Linda McCartney vegetarian sausages with real meat. (I have IBS and struggle to digest meat, so I became a vegetarian.) He also replaced my Quorn nuggets with his real ones. She spelled corn weird. It was Q-U-O-R-N. 

Lovely Guest

I thought you were just shocked by seeing the word corn nuggets. 

Movement Host

Maybe that's the brand that doesn't have actual corn or something for people who have sensitivities. 

Bowel Host

Gotcha. Well it wasn't capitalized so it looked like it was just a misspelling. But anyways, one of my pet giant African land snails went missing in summer, and I assumed it escaped, as I left the lid open on their box. But he said it had died, so he scraped it out and put it in my curry.

Movement and Lovely

[gasps]

Bowel Host

I vaguely remember the day he did this, as he laughed whenever I went to eat the curry, and I got really paranoid, so I put it in the kitchen and stormed off. He then brought it upstairs and told me to taste, and I did, and I realized he added loads of… something… X-hilly? Chili? 

Lovely Guest

Chili?

Movement Host

How is it spelled?

Bowel Host

X-H-I-L-L-I. Loads of… chili?

Lovely Guest

Zheelee?

Bowel Host

Maybe chili. Loads of chili. And he said he was laughing because he put chili powder in and too much came out. Now I think he must have put the chili in to cover the fact that he put my snail in there. 

Movement Host

Oh my God!

Bowel Host

He also said he rubbed my toothbrush on the toilet but then washed it as he thought that was too far. I feel like this is all a dream. It just seems too dramatic to feel real. I’m unsure what’s happening on the legal front. He says he didn’t know why he did this and that he does love me truly and that he felt compelled to do it, which I understand as I suffer from OCD and get compulsions and impulsions. What the? No.

Movement Host

But not to hurt people!

Bowel Host

No!

Lovely Guest

What’s an impulsion? 

Bowel Host

I don't know. Oh, impulses. 

Lovely Guest

Then what's the difference between an impulsion and a compulsion?

Bowel Host

There's no clinical term “impulsion.” 

Lovely Guest

Oh, okay.

Bowel Host

That's okay. I don't think English is a first language, from what I'm gathering. 

Movement and Lovely

Oh. 

Bowel Host

—and that he really loves taking care of me and he feels it’s his purpose, and he didn’t mean to cause serious harm. 

Lovely Guest

This is giving, um… What's her name? Rose something? The one… 

Lovely Guest

Gypsy Rose Blanchard?

Movement Host

Gypsy Rose Blanchard.

Lovely Guest

Did y'all hear she's separated now? 

Movement Host

Oh. I didn’t know that. 

Bowel Host

Wow, is he still in jail? Or prison?

Lovely Guest

He was in prison? 

Bowel Host

Wasn't he? 

Lovely Guest

Oh no, not that guy. 

Bowel Host

Oh. 

Lovely Guest

She got married.

Bowel Host

To someone—not the murderer.

Lovely Guest

No, no. 

Bowel Host

Oh, okay, they, they were long—I never watched the full documentary.

Lovely Guest

Neither did I. 

Bowel Host

I've listened to a podcast that wasn't quite as updated. 

Movement Host

This is like giving me trust issues, honestly. 

Lovely Guest

Is this real? 

Bowel Host

I believe this could happen. 

Movement Host

I believe it. Yeah.

Bowel Host

The fact that she has all these details. Who comes up with that? 

Lovely Guest

AI.

Movement Host

And the fact that it started when they moved in together and that's when he gained control over her. Like, and he was like, “Well, I can experiment on her,” like he, literally it's like a power thing.

Bowel Host

I think the lesson from this update, though, is that when you discover one of these things, you can guarantee there’s 10 more in the background that you haven’t discovered.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, there’s more things going on. My… What I’m wondering is why was spitting on toast an experiment? 

Bowel Host

Exactly. 

Lovely Guest

What was that gonna result— 

Bowel Host

Maybe he was trying to see if, if our DNA mixes, what happens? 

Lovely Guest

[laughs]

Movement Host

Or like, I think the experiments are always to see if she would notice. 

Bowel Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Ohhh, that makes sense. 

Movement Host

That's what I thought. 

Bowel Host 

Who gets off on that? 

Movement Host

Psychopaths. [laughs]

Lovely Guest

Yeah, there's some consistencies in these stories. 

Movement Host

Yeah. This is weird! This is very weird.

Lovely Guest

I also want to know how… her snail??

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

Her snail. Her personal snail. 

Lovely Guest

Wow. Okay…

Movement Host

She ate her pet. 

Bowel Host

He promises he never did any of this to our animals. But like you say, the snail, if he, if what she says is true here, yeah, a snail is a **** animal.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, let's not negate the snails. 

Bowel Host

She said: “I think he could just be stressed, as I have mental health issues that could have caused something in him to break from too much stress.” Why are you blaming this on yourself? What is that?

Movement Host

That’s a giant African snail. 

Bowel Host

Oh.

Movement Host

Look how big they can get.

Lovely Guest

Jeez Louise. My goodness, that’s a big snail. 

Bowel Host

Oh God. I might have to murder that too.

Movement and Bowel

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Have you seen pictures of a shoebill stork? They are scary. 

Bowel Host

Do you think she owns one? 

Lovely Guest

No. But I saw a picture the other day, and it really freaked me out. 

Movement Host

Is it a snail? 

Lovely Guest

No, it's a bird. It's a giant bird that cracks skulls with its beak. 

Movement Host

Oh my God, that's scary. [reacts to picture of a shoebill stork] Ohhh. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Ooohhh! I have seen this before. It looks menacing.

Lovely Guest

It looks terrifying. I don't mess with birds. Or the ocean. But yeah, I feel I'm sorry for her. I hope she has a good support system.

Movement Host

Like what did she say in the first—before she updated? “I know he loves me, so I’m trying to reconcile this” or something?

Bowel Host

Well, she also says, “I know I have OCD, so I can kind of relate.”

Lovely Guest

I mean, even if you can relate, you can still, you know, not forgive somebody for doing those things. 

Bowel Host

Right, yeah. Just because you're compelled to do something does not mean you have to do it. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Yikes.

Lovely Guest

Even if you felt like you had to, you can still be like, “No thanks.”

Movement Host

[laughs] 

Bowel Host

I think if I were in this situation, I would have no trust left, which, at that point, what's the point? 

Movement Host

Like she's about to have heart surgery and he's experimenting on her. 

Bowel Host

There's another post—

Movement Host

He gave her ****ing ulcers so she can't have her surgery. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. The salts—that's… That's probably— 

Movement Host

I know, and, and he replaced her beta blockers with it too, so like not only is it a salt, but also… Like what? That's crazy! 

Bowel Host

[sighs] Yeah. There's several other posts. This is on r/BestofRedditorUpdates because they have updated with all of the subsequent updates.

Movement Host

Mhm.

Bowel Host

The next post was: “Just found a jar with four slugs under the sink my partner must have forgot about. I think they are dead, so can be old ones. I feel physically sick,” and then there's a picture of the several dead slugs in the jar. 

Lovely Guest

Oh, there are—

Movement Host

Oh my God. 

Lovely Guest

That's how we know. Oh, it is real! 

Bowel Host

Once this escalates to a living thing—plant or animal—

Movement Host

Yeah…

Bowel Host

I think we can decide this is definitively… You're gone. 

Movement Host

Can you show us? 

Bowel Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

[gasps in reaction to picture]

Movement Host

Ewww. That's gross. Are they blended already, or no? It’s just the three? 

Lovely Guest

Wow…

Bowel Host

I think it said four.

Movement Host

Or four… Yikes. That’s so unfortunate that when you have health issues or disabilities, like you have to be even more careful than like people who don’t when choosing your partner. And you have to have those trust issues, like you have to like literally not trust anybody. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Wow.

Bowel Host

In the comments of that post, many are asking if she's gone to the doctor. She has, and it is revealed that he did more than feed her slugs. It says in quotes “He promised he never did any of this to your animals, but your dog recently had lungworm, and he admitted to making you eat your pet snail. He replaced your heart medication with salt and tampered with your food, knowing that you have IBS. There is nothing funny about that. He has endangered your health and those of your pets. Stress doesn't make anyone do this. He is not safe for you or your pets. These are not the actions of someone who loves taking care of you. They are cruelty. Please, stop blaming yourself. I understand your struggles with both mental and physical health and the need for someone to love and care for you, but if you value your life and those, of the animals you adopted, he can never be trusted again.”

Movement Host

Yeah. 

Bowel Host

Agreed.

Movement Host

Absolutely. What the heck?

Bowel Host

Somewhere during all of this, the OP posts this comment: “Hi, he was diagnosed with ASPD yesterday and admitted everything to me and how I was his way of looking normal to the outside world.”

Movement Host

What?

Lovely Guest

What's ASPD? 

Bowel Host

Antisocial personality disorder.

Movement Host

Oh.

Lovely Guest

Ohhhh.

Bowel Host

So we're getting some—

Lovely Guest

Wait. Is that the big one? 

Bowel Host

The big one?

Movement Host

Oh, I thought you were saying like—

Lovely Guest

The uh-oh one?

Bowel Host

The maliciousness? 

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Bowel Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Okay… 

Movement Host

So he's already been diagnosed? 

Bowel Host

Apparently he was diagnosed yesterday. “And he admitted everything to me and how I was his way of looking normal to the outside world. He manipulated me by giving me everything I wanted as a BPD sufferer: love, affection, compliments. He began testing me emotionally at first with cheating to see how I would react, but I forgave him and then began with food and stuff to see how long until I got sick. I'm still baffled. The person I knew, I never really knew at all. He is a psychopath, and he gives ASPD sufferers a bad name. He knew I was vulnerable due to my mental and physical illnesses. He became my carer but was torturing me at the same time, and I was unaware of any of this. He rescued me from an abusive situation and then put me into a new one. That is how he works.”

Lovely Guest

I've heard of that happening a lot, where people will leave one abusive relationship and then—

Bowel Host

Enter into a new one.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, or they get taken, kind of swept into it.

Bowel Host

Yeah. It's because of the love bombing in the initial stages. 

Lovely Guest

That’s it! The love bombing.

Bowel Host

Yeah, you gotta watch out for that.

Movement Host

And it's crazy, like when you look at a lot of couples that, um, they're not necessarily healthy for each other, but like, they work together, if that makes sense. Like they complement each other in a certain way, and when people are unhealthy in a certain way, like you said she has borderline personality?

Bowel Host

Mhm.

Movement Host

And then he's like someone who is going to take advantage of her and love bomb her and stuff, so it probably worked for a long time. And like he was saying, uh, I wanted to test to see how long you would take it, where someone who doesn't like… who isn't like her would maybe in the first, like when she, when they got cheated on, would be like, “You're done,” but whereas she just wanted to be like loved and stuff.

Lovely Guest

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Yeah. So she overlooked it. 

Lovely Guest

Man, that is…. That bums me out.

Bowel Host

Her next update says: “I'm struggling to eat/fear of food/no appetite. I recently left a weird relationship where my partner was contaminating my food, etc.” Casual. Anyways, ever since I have struggled to eat, I moved on to a ground floor flat, and sometimes I will find slugs around the house. I am terrified of them. I keep throwing food away because I don't know what the slugs have gone on. I'm scared of getting sick. I can't cope or breathe right now. I've tried everything to stop slugs getting in: copper tape, salt, non-toxic pellets, but they still somehow find their way into my flat. I feel like nature's tormenting me. Any advice, please? I've tried speaking to my doctor, but they won't really listen, and the doctors I see said it was a good thing as I was overweight anyways. 

Movement Host

What?! 

Bowel Host

I was just discharged from the mental health team I was currently on. What is wrong with these people?!

Movement Host

Yeah…

Lovely Guest

That's definitely… Yikes. 

Bowel Host

Yeah. 

Movement Host

Um, my advice to her would be to buy like a single serving food—

Bowel Host

And a camera. 

Lovely Guest

Mmm.

Movement Host 

A camera. Um, a lot of salt to put around the house, don't they, doesn't that kill slugs? 

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Movement Host

Um… Move. [laughs]

Lovely Guest

Pest control.

Bowel Host

Far away. Far away. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Movement Host

Get people, get health care professionals who will advocate for you rather than say you need to lose weight anyway.

Lovely Guest

Absolutely.

Bowel Host

Please. If you have the option—I don’t know where this person's from; it seems like they keep calling it a flat, so I assume it's not America, but—

Lovely Guest

The UK, maybe. 

Bowel Host

Mhm.

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I've heard there are slugs over there. 

Bowel and Movement

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

I mean, we have slugs here too, but… 

Bowel Host

A slug problem? Infestation. The last post that she posts is: “I am alive. Hello, everyone. Sorry for those who I didn't get to message back. My messages have been so full. I'm alive but have been sick with coronavirus. Thank you to those who reached out to me. You all made me feel less alone. :) Hope everyone is well.” And that was the end of smolbean197.

Lovely Guest

Smol? Smolbean…

Movement Host

[laughs]

Bowel Host

Smolbean. 

Lovely Guest

Well, smolbean, we wish you all the best.

Bowel Host

We do. 

Movement Host

I hope that means like she was able to move past everything.

Bowel Host

I agree, and get over the health issues and the slugs appearing in the new flat. 

Movement Host

Yeah. I would honestly start seeing slugs everywhere. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Bowel Host

Yeah, maybe this is like a psychotic break—

Movement Host

Maybe.

Bowel Host

—after all the stress she's gone through. 

Movement Host

Yeah. [chuckles]

Bowel Host

It can happen. You never know.

Movement and Lovely

[laughs]

Movement Host

Alright. Next story?

Lovely Guest

Yeah! I had an unexpected threesome with my best friend and my boyfriend. Am I wrong to feel extremely betrayed by them both? Oof!

Movement Host

Eek.

Bowel Host

Yikes.

Lovely Guest

Let's see. Just the other night I was hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend in her apartment. It started out innocently enough, with us playing games and watching movies. Then we started playing never have I ever? And the questions were pretty sexual. She then asked, “Never have I ever had a threesome?” And both me and my boyfriend said no. Her entire vibe changed, to the point it was scary, and she looked at us both. She said, “What if we did something crazy?” 

Movement Host

Okay…

Lovely Guest

I kind of laughed because no part of me could have ever fathomed what she meant. But then she scooted closer to my boyfriend and started kissing him. 

Movement Host

Oh my God. 

Lovely Guest

Wow… He wasn't stopping her. I just froze. It felt surreal, like a dream/nightmare. There they were, making out, like it was the most natural thing in the world. I think I had a trauma response of sorts and kind of… tricked myself into thinking this was normal?

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

I can’t explain it. But it's like my brain wasn't ready to feel the extent of what was happening, so it tricked itself. They started undressing each other, and on instinct, I undressed myself too.

Movement Host

Oh my God.

Bowel Host

On instinct for this… unparalleled situation. 

Lovely Guest

This isn't a sex sub, so I won't go into the dirty details, but a full-fledged threesome occurred between us. The next morning, I woke up at first believing I had dreamt it, but there they were, naked on the floor together. 

Bowel and Movement

What?!

Lovely Guest

I still couldn't process what the hell occurred, so I just kind of ran out. When it finally hit me, I had a full-fledged breakdown. 

Bowel Host

There's a lot of full-fledged.

Movement Host

She likes to fledge fully. 

Bowel Host

No half-fledges here. 

Movement Host

No. 

Lovely Guest

Only the full ones. I've gotten calls and texts from both of them asking if I'm okay. I haven't responded. I can't respond. I've thrown up twice from the intrusive memories. I didn't want this. Why did I go along with this? Why didn't I stop it? Why did she start it? Questions just keep swimming in my brain. 

Bowel Host

Full-fledgedly. 

Lovely Guest 

It keeps going. 

Movement Host

There's more?

Lovely Guest

Oh, there's a lot more. I don't know what the hell to do. Last text from my boyfriend was, “I hope you aren't upset. I think that was such a special event in our relationship, even though it was insane.” He's knocked on my door and I haven't opened it.

Bowel Host

In our relationship? 

Lovely Guest

Mm-hmm.

Movement Host

Yeah…

Lovely Guest

I have no idea where to go from here. I still love him, but I can't look at him the same. I mean, I ****ing saw his **** go in and out of my best friend.

Movement Host

Yikes. 

Lovely Guest

Not to mention her. I feel like I've been betrayed in the most disgusting way, even though I let it happen/participated. Am I right to feel like they did wrong in the worst way? 

Movement Host

Yes, you're right, because what the heck? They didn't even like ask for permission. They didn't talk about it, like they immediately just went into it. What the ****? 

Bowel Host

Yeah, there was no… Yeah, she said he hadn't, he didn't at all push her away?

Movement Host

Yeah! Probably as if they have already made out before or like done more stuff, like…

Bowel Host

There was some comfort there, or comfortability, I guess, that allowed this to happen so casually. 

Movement Host

Yeah. What the heck? [laughs]

Bowel Host

Also to call this like a milestone in their relationship when it wasn't like again, like communicated beforehand or like…

Movement Host

And the fact that it's her best friend, like not some random person. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I don't know… I don't know, I'm stunned. 

Movement Host

Yeah. 

Lovely Guest

Should we read the update? 

Movement Host

Mhm.

Lovely Guest

Update: Hey guys, I figured I should add this to my post rather than respond to a bunch of people with it. I met up with my boyfriend about the situation. In a nutshell, this is what I got out of him, and I asked a lot of questions. One: No, he hasn't been sleeping with her the whole time. That night was the first time. Two: he didn't actively want to sleep with her, but he wouldn't have said no either. 

Bowel Host

He didn't say no. We know that.

Lovely Guest

He very much didn't. He put this down to being a horny guy. 

Bowel Host

Well, that's problematic, though. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

If he can just use this as an excuse of like, “Oh well, they offered, so I had to say yes.”

Lovely Guest

That's true.

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Three: He thought that the vibe was super sexual even before she came on to him and that he expected it to happen and thought I did too. He mentioned how sexual the questions were and her straight up saying we were turning her on with our answers. She did say this, but I thought she was joking. Four: He didn't push her away because he thought it would be a fun experience for all of us. Five: He admitted to being turned on by her boldness and doing it in front of me. Six: He thought that if she did it so easily, it meant she and I talked about it beforehand and that's why we invited him.

Movement Host 

Okay. 

Lovely Guest

Seven: They didn't have sex after I left, but they did express regret over possibly hurting me, and he left as soon as he could. And then there is more, but it’s a lot. 

Movement Host

Oh my God. I don't know… Like what was he thinking? What was, what was her best friend thinking? What were they all thinking? 

Bowel Host

I think they all had different thoughts is my guess.

Movement Host

I can understand why she was like shocked and didn't say anything and just like tried to act normal. I mean, it's not a perfect response, obviously, but like I can understand why.

Bowel Host

People dissociate. 

Movement Host

Yeah, but then like, why didn't they… like they weren't dissociating? They were fully aware of what they were doing. Like why didn't they think, “Oh, let me make sure it's okay with my best friend or my girlfriend,” like… What the ****? 

Bowel Host

And he says like, um, I thought you guys had discussed it beforehand without me. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

Wouldn't you think that your girlfriend would come to you and say, hey, we've had this, we have this idea. Like she would relay that to you? What kind of relationship do you have where that's not the case? 

Movement Host

And would he be willing to do that with one of his buddies? 

Lovely Guest

True.

Bowel Host

Yeah, no, he wouldn't. Would he assume that too? That like, oh, because we're having a sexual you know conversation, or conversation about our sexual histories or whatever, like that automatically means we're setting up for a threesome? 

Movement Host

That's another thing about men too. Like they think if a woman is comfortable talking about sex in front of you, that means she wants you. Or like if a woman is comfortable around you, she wants you. Like, oh, then this must mean that they talked about it and we're gonna have sex.

Lovely Guest

Well, after that long list, she said: I asked if I could see his phone to see if he'd been talking to her. He admitted that they did message a bit after the ordeal, but it was nothing serious. I asked if I could see and he got kind of panicky, which made my heart drop. He was like let me remind you that I was still in the mindset that it was a special moment for us. 

Movement Host

I'm so tired of hearing “for us.” Or “for our relationship.” 

Movement Host

Just the whole phrase “special moment for us.” 

Lovely Guest

Special moment. 

Bowel Host

Who is us? Who is he referring to? 

Lovely Guest

All three of them, probably. So I knew I was going to get sick from what I saw, but I needed the full truth out of the situation, so I asked anyway. He showed me their DMs. They went something like—You want to do this with me?

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Okay, good. You can be her, I'll be him. 

Movement Host

“Let me know if you get in touch with the girlfriend.” 

Lovely Guest

“I will. Can I be honest, though?”

Movement Host

“Of course.”

Lovely Guest

“Last night was the best night of my life.” 

Movement Host

Oh my God. [laughs] “Me too. I feel bad, that the girlfriend might feel bad, but God, it was so hot.” 

Lovely Guest

Wow… “I'll be sad if we can't do that again.”

Movement Host

“You're everything the girlfriend said you were.” Oh my God… 

Bowel Host

What? 

Lovely Guest

“She talks about me like that? I'm embarrassed. Lol.” 

Movement Host

He’s like blushing. [laughs] “All the time. I low-key wanted to see for myself.”

Lovely Guest

[gasps]

Bowel Host

You definitely wanted to see for yourself. 

Lovely Guest

After that he started complimenting her skills and stuff, which I quickly skimmed over because I knew I'd get sick if I fully processed them. I skimmed over the rest of the conversation, really, because at this point, I just couldn't handle seeing anything else of that nature.

Bowel Host

God, the betrayal. 

Movement Host

Yeah…

Lovely Guest

[belches] Excuse me.

Bowel and Movement

[laughs]

Bowel Host

We're keeping that in.

Lovely Guest

[laughs] I'm sorry, it’s the burger.

Movement Host

Perfect timing. 

Movement Host

Yeah. 

Lovely Guest

It's the ranch. I scrolled up in their DMs and only saw occasional memes and reposts, so I'm pretty confident that last night was the first time. It still doesn't make me feel better, though, considering while I was having a literal breakdown, they were complimenting each other's sex skills and bodies. I told him to leave, and he begged me to forgive him for everything, but I told him to go **** off again, since he loved it so much. At this point I'll probably block them both and just focus on healing and moving on, because I know I'm not the kind of person to get over that at all. Thanks everyone for your advice and support. It truly made me feel worlds better. 

Bowel Host

Who does get over that? 

Lovely Guest

Nobody. 

Movement Host

That best friend is such a snake. 

Lovely Guest

That's my thing is like I don't think I would… How does that? How is that your best friend? 

Bowel Host

It's not, not anymore. 

Lovely Guest

How was it ever? Like do people do that?

Movement Host

So you shouldn't be talking about now like your sex life in front of your friends, because maybe your best friend will like go in like—

Bowel Host

Only talk about the problematic parts of the sex. 

Movement Host

Yeah. [laughs]

Movement Host

He is so— 

Bowel Host

Small. Smolbean.

Movement Host

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Smolbean197.

Bowel Host

Mhm.

Movement Host

1.97 inch.

Bowel Host

Sluggish. 

Movement Host

[laughs] Shut up! Oh God. Whew! Yeah, that's crazy.

Lovely Guest

Mhm.

Movement Host

Why—I think the um, the pattern today, or the theme is trust issues. Like don't trust anybody. 

Lovely Guest

I know this is scaring me.

Movement Host

Yeah. I do believe that they hadn't talked before or like they hadn't done anything before. 

Bowel Host

You do believe that? 

Movement Host

Mhm.

Bowel Host

Well, yeah, because he wouldn't be talking about how that was the greatest night, because they would have done it before. 

Movement Host

Or she would have said, like I was, you know low-key wanting to see what she was talking about. 

Bowel Host

Mhm.

Movement Host

Yeah.

Bowel Host

Yeah, that's a good point. But maybe they've done lead-up stuff before.

Lovely Guest

Maybe they flirted. 

Movement Host

Yeah. 

Bowel Host

Flirted, made out. 

Lovely Guest

That’s so bold. I just can’t get over…

Movement Host

Now I understand, like why, like you know, in cis-hetero relationships, like women are so like you can't have girlfriends to their boyfriends. 

Lovely Guest

I have girlfriends. Not girlfriends girlfriends, but girl friends. 

Bowel Host

No, you wouldn't be able to have boy friends.

Movement Host

No, no, no, no, hold on, can you wait? Like, why they don't like their boyfriends having girl friends? 

Lovely Guest

Oh, I see, I see, I see. 

Bowel Host

But this is such an interesting scenario because you think if you invite your boyfriend to hang out with your friend with you present, that nothing's going to happen. 

Movement Host

Yeah. [laughs]

Bowel Host

Like you think that's like sort of an immunity. 

Movement Host

Yeah. Chaperone's present! 

Lovely Guest

My thing is, I guess that just shows that you really need to have different taste in people than your friends. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Or have better friends.

Bowel Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

Who do you think she should be more mad at? The friend or her boyfriend? 

Bowel Host

Both. But probably the boyfriend more.

Movement Host

Yeah because they had a…

Bowel Host

They had a more of a commitment, I would think. That's the impression I get. She never explicitly says it, but…

Movement Host

Do you guys not feel like in platonic relationships you have commitments? 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. If you say so.

Movement Host

Like a boyfriend versus a husband is different. I feel like a boyfriend and a best friend, you almost have the same level of commitment. 

Bowel Host

Except… I mean, there's the sex in the—

Movement Host

No, but that's like an element of the relationship, it's not a commitment. 

Bowel Host

There's the commitment of remaining faithful sexually which is unique to that— 

Movement Host

Yeah, but your best friend, you have a commitment to not sleep with their boyfriend. [laughs] 

Bowel Host

What if they don't have one though? 

Movement Host

You know, you just don't do that, you don't cross that line. So like—Huh? 

Bowel Host

But if they don't have a boyfriend, then you don't have that commitment. 

Movement Host

You don't sleep with someone they're interested in.

Lovely Guest

Mmm, there you go.

Bowel Host 

Okay… 

Movement Host

So I feel like it’s the same. I feel like I would be—

Lovely Guest

You don't sleep with anybody.

Movement Host

—equally—Yeah. 

Lovely Guest

Just don't sleep.

Movement Host

But yeah, so like I feel like she should be the same amount of mad at both of them. If this is truly her best friend.

Bowel Host

Really? I feel like there's still more obligation to the boyfriend to remain loyal. 

Lovely Guest

I feel like it's a, it's betrayal in different ways. So yes, equally betrayed, but just in different ways. 

Bowel Guest

The fact that it's a double betrayal—

Lovely Guest

And it depends on how long she's been dating this guy too, because if this is her best friend of years and years, I mean… Whew!

Bowel Host

I'm trying to see if she had any comments. She did post on this, post some comments on this.

Lovely Guest

Did she? 

Bowel Host

Mhm. She mentioned that she was going to meet up with the boyfriend to discuss. He was trying to his best to involve us both after I joined in. I mean, that's not inviting her. 

Movement Host

Yeah, that's weird. The fact that she woke up and they were on the floor together. 

Bowel Host

Yes. 

Movement Host

That was like I screamed, like, what?! 

Bowel Host

You did not.

Movement Host

Like, in my head, I screamed.

Bowel Host

I silently screamed. 

Movement Host

Internally screamed. 

Lovely Guest

This is an interesting comment: “My wife and I have had threesomes. This wasn't a threesome. This was cheating, planned or building for a good while. Your boyfriend betrayed you big time.” Yeah, it does, if you're going to have an open relationship, or if you're going to open your relationship for a night—

Movement Host

You got to talk about it. 

Lovely Guest

You got to talk about it. Communication is key. 

Bowel Host

Boundaries are important. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. We like communication.

Bowel Host

And the fact that he has to preface showing the phone to her with all these things about, “Oh well, it was just such a special night for us, so just remember that when you read everything,” it's like, yeah, if someone has to say that to you, you don't even need to go through the phone, just end it.

Movement Host

Yeah. I feel like this is controversial. A lot of people have different opinions on this, like do you forgive a cheater? Should you forgive a cheater? Because, like, if you forgive them once, are they not just gonna do it again? 

Bowel Host

I think there's different profiles of cheating. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Movement Host 

Like what? 

Bowel Host

Like there's the more mature cheating, where it's like— 

Lovely Guest

The better way.

Bowel Host

Where it's like a one-time thing and it's over and done, and it's like they come out to you and reveal what they did.

Movement Host

The lesser of two evils. 

Bowel Host

Yeah, and it never happens again because they feel the guilt of it—

Movement Host

Yeah, and they grow from it.

Bowel Host

Versus—yeah—someone who's like concealing it and being deceitful and not loyal and all these things kind of put together.

Movement Host

Multiple times.

Bowel Host

Multiple times. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah, I mean, I think it just depends on your personal boundaries. For some people, I think cheating is that's it. Like one, done, bye. But it just depends.

Bowel Host 

Yeah. Could you all tolerate it? 

Movement Host

I don't think I could. 

Lovely Guest

I don't know. I couldn’t tolerate the slugs, that's for sure.

All

[laughs]

Movement Host

Well, I say that. I’ve never been through it, but I think it's harder to like to actually go through it and still say, especially if you're invested and you really love that person.

Bowel and Lovely

Mhm.

Lovely Guest

Because that is the other thing is that, you know… Isn't that part of most people's marriage vows? It's like I'll stick with ya. 

Movement Host

Yeah.

Lovely Guest

If the other person says I'm committed to you even if you cheat.

Bowel Host

Unconditional love, I don't know about that. There should be some conditions. 

Movement Host

Yeah, like—

Lovely Guest

Isn't all love conditional? 

Movement Host

Yeah…

Bowel Host

Kind of, unless it's enabling. I feel like that's unconditional. 

Lovely Guest

We don't allow people to murder us. Therefore, it is conditioned, right? 

Movement Host

Like I would still love you even if you murdered me?

Lovely Guest

That's ultimate love. That's the goal. 

Bowel Host

That is not the goal.

Movement and Lovely

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Let's aim for that. 

Bowel Host

Wow…

Movement Host

Is love that requires you to go beyond your boundaries still love?

Bowel Host

No… That’s controlling. Manipulation. Control.

Movement Host

Mhm.

Lovely Guest

Love that forces you to go beyond your boundaries?

Movement Host

Well, like you're constantly going against your boundaries for. Is that love? 

Lovely Guest

But then there's also the counter of… Well, I guess it depends on what kind of boundaries ‘cause you also say, you know, your partner will help you grow. 

Movement Host

That's true.

Lovely Guest

Make you grow, I guess. 

Bowel Host

Make? 

Lovely Guest

Well, not force, but like—

Bowel Host

Encourage.

Lovely Guest

—you each… Right. You each, you know, because you're different. 

Bowel Host

Yeah. Hopefully. 

Lovely Guest

And things happen. 

Bowel Host

Yeah. she did say in a comment on the post: “Okay, let me try to explain how I felt in the moment. When they started going at it with no hesitation like it was natural, I started blaming myself. Because how could they do this so easily and effortlessly if I didn’t give them some sign that it was okay? I immediately blamed myself. I don’t know what I did, but I obviously did something, because they seemed to think that it was completely okay. I was also like so ****ing scared of admitting to myself that my best friend and my boyfriend were about to get it on in front of me that I convinced myself in the moment that I wanted it. Because if I wanted it, it wouldn’t be a betrayal. It was like I was desperately convincing myself everything was okay.”

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Movement Host

That's so sad. 

Bowel Host

Yeah. I get where she's coming from when she describes it that way. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah. I mean, that makes sense.

Bowel Host

That's such a ****ing shitty situation to be put in. 

Lovely Guest

If you're listening and you want new friends…

Movement Host

[laughs] I feel like, um, this is worse than cheating, honestly. The fact that he, like, made her watch and participate in it. 

Bowel Host

And wake up the next day and see them together and not your boyfriend next to you.

Movement Host

Yeah. Yeah. 

Lovely Guest

Yeah, that's…

Movement Host

****ed up. 

Lovely Guest

You couldn’t come back from that.

Bowel Host

Yeah. There's no redeeming yourself. 

Movement Host

Because like maybe people who can like forgive cheating and like the other person does grow and stuff, like at least you don't have that image in your mind. But like, if you see it, like you literally sorry, you literally participate in it all night. Oh my God, I could never forget that. 

Bowel Host

No, and he can't either. 

Movement Host

Yeah. [laughs]

Bowel Host

Apparently. It's an unforgettable moment for all. 

Movement Host

Best night of his life.

Lovely Guest

A special moment.

Movement Host

I bet you, like how much you guys want to bet that they're going to get together?

Lovely Guest

Yeah, they probably will.

Bowel Host

I'll bet.

Lovely Guest

I’ll bet.

Movement Host

Is there another update?

Bowel Host

No updates, sorry. Guess it wasn't a priority for this one either. 

Lovely Guest

She's moved on. Good.

Bowel Guest

Yeah, that was eight days ago on r/amiwrong. So was she wrong?

Movement Host

No… Wait, for what? Feeling betrayed? No!

Bowel Host

Feeling betrayed, yeah.

Lovely Guest

Absolutely not. 

Movement Host

I feel betrayed for her! [laughs] 

Lovely Guest

Yeah.

Movement Host

I feel betrayed by all men because of this douchebag, and I feel betrayed by all best friends. 

Bowel Host

Oh. Well that's news to me.

Movement Host

[laughs]

Lovely Guest

Wow…

Bowel Host

Don't worry, don't worry, no need to worry.

All

[laughs]

Movement Host

Um… Yeah. Good luck to you. Get that **** out of your life. 

Lovely Guest

To all of these people. Hopefully there will be no slugs in your future. 

Bowel Host

No slugs, no threesomes—

Lovely Guest

No bleach. 

Bowel Host

No bleach. 

Movement Host

Cleanse. You got to do cleanses. Cleanse your social life. Cleanse your bowels. Yeah, seriously. I really hope that woman gets her heart surgery and stops having ulcers. I’m worried about her.

Bowel Host

Yeah. And heart problems. Oh, you already said that. 

Movement Host

Yeah. [laughs] I think that's our cue.