Mickey: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Secondhand Confessions.

Pugly:  Welcome back.

Mickey: This is… We have names now, just so you guys know. I'm Mickey.

Pugly:  Hello, Mickey. I'm Pugly.

Mickey: Hi, Pugly.

Poppy:  Hi, Pugly and Mickey.

Mickey: Hi, our special guest. We'd like to welcome our special guest, Poppy.

Poppy:  Hi! I'm Poppy!

Mickey: Long-awaited special guest. We've been wanting to have you on here for a while, and we just figured out the set up for long distance, so welcome home.

Poppy:  Yeah. I mean, it actually took a few extra steps, but I've really been looking forward to this because I've just never been on a podcast. But I also love listening to podcasts.

Mickey: Welcome home.

Poppy:  Yeah. So…

Pugly:  Do you have a favorite episode of ours?

Poppy:  Honestly, I really enjoyed the first one because it caught me by the most surprise. Like I just never expected you two to just start that, you know? I don't know.

Pugly:  Yeah, we're more of dreamers and less of—

Mickey: Doers?

Pugly:  Yeah. [laughs] 

Poppy:  Yeah. No, like I was really impressed by that creativity and figuring out how to make it work. So that one just was my favorite because it's the most sentimental to me.

Mickey: Aww, something is sentimental. And that was all Pugly—making it work—that was Pugly. I just show up and talk.

Pugly: That’s a crucial part of the podcast, so if we didn’t have your voice, we would be nothing.

Mickey:  

You would be nothing.

All:

[laughs]

Pugly: That’s true.

[Theme song]

Mickey: [laughs] Well, what do you have for us today? I hear you have a multi-part series.

Pugly:  Yeah, this is a series that starts with a—I almost said “article,” but I mean to say “story.” A story titled “My wife is addicted to the gym, and it’s ruining our marriage,” which was posted on the r/TrueOffMyChest subreddit on January 31st of this year.

Mickey: That’s rough.

Pugly:  Yeah. 

Mickey: Gyms ruining marriages. It’s an epidemic.

Poppy:  I’m just going to go ahead and say it: It’s not looking good.

All:

[laughs]

Pugly:  Why is that?

Poppy:  I don’t know. It’s already kind of eww when a guy is too addicted to the gym. And then when you… I don’t know, I’m just thinking about it. Like it just… It didn’t sound good to me, like it sparked my interest. I’m ready to hear about it.

Pugly:  Any other thoughts or predictions on what’s about to happen?

Mickey: I would think that there’s probably like a cute guy at the gym.

Poppy:  Yeah!

Mickey: Or that she’s like never wanting to hang out with him. One of those.

Poppy:  Oof. See?

Pugly:  Yeah. Those are good predictions there.

Poppy:  I think someone ends up heartbroken.

Pugly:  Mmm… Alright, well let’s dive in.

Mickey: Okay.

Pugly:  My wife is 30 years old, and she’s always worked out and been in shape. But lately I feel like it’s becoming excessive. She used to regularly work out at a gym when she was in college. At some point, she stopped going to the gym—I think lately just due to her schedule—and preferred to work out at home or just go for runs outside.

About 18 months ago, she announced that she was going to get back into the habit of going to the gym. She now had a job where she’s able to make more time for it. It started off normal, but slowly became more and more frequent.

She signed up for classes on the weekend. Both days. Then she started going to the gym every day. Then it became the morning before work and again later in the evening. Every single day. If she’s stressed, she goes to the gym. Experience some sort of life crisis? She immediately heads to the gym. We have an argument? Runs to the gym.

She’s four months pregnant right now. I’m kind of surprised we even had time to make a kid.

Mickey: [laughs] So funny!

Pugly:  I understand that it’s safe for her to work out—especially since she was already in the habit of doing it before she got pregnant—but the intensity is not slowing down. If she misses one of her normal gym sessions, she becomes so irritable, like a junkie not getting her fix.

It’s just bizarre. Truly a case of too much of a good thing. Of course, she gets upset when I voice that I feel it’s becoming an unhealthy obsession and that I miss spending time with her because she’s there so much.

She has all of these friends and this whole circle of people there that she seems to prefer spending time with over me. 

Why don’t we work out together at the gym? The gym is her time, she says.

This isn’t a case of me feeling insecure because she’s in great physical shape and I’m a fat slob. I work out and am in shape. My job really requires me to stay in shape, so I can’t let myself go if I want to.

I genuinely feel her gym habits are unhealthy. She’s overexercising, for one. There is such a thing.

But worse than that, I feel it’s becoming a way for her to escape everything else in her life. She never actually fixed anything that goes wrong in her life. She just runs off to the gym to get some sort of mood boost, and then that’s it.

She also never gets anything else done in a practical sense, because how can she when she’s at the gym so often? It’s to the point where I have to do every chore, and if food is getting made, I’m going to have to do it. I don’t expect her to do all of those things, but it should at least be a shared effort.

People we know have even commented about it to me. They’ve said things about how she seems different, how she sure is at the gym a lot, and many of her friends and family barely see her anymore. Some have even suggested she’s having an affair with somebody there.

Please tell me that this doesn’t sound normal to you. She insists this is perfectly normal.

Mickey: Oooh!

Poppy:  You know what? The pregnancy just added another layer to that.

Pugly:  Mhm.

Poppy:  The fact that she has like… She obviously has a problem.

Pugly:  Mmm…

Poppy:  Honestly, it’s maybe not obvious.

All:

[laughs]

Pugly: Wait, what’s not obvious?

Poppy:  The fact that she has a problem, like this still could all just be like a lie. Like, is it confirmed that she’s actually going to the gym or is she just saying that she’s going to the gym? I don’t know. Like, if she wasn’t going to the gym, maybe she would be trying to come up with other places that she was going. If she was like… Like, let’s say she was meeting up with someone that she’s in love with there or something.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy:  Like, would she always say she’s going to the gym?

Pugly:  Right. Unrealistic.

Mickey:  

Yeah, especially because he voiced concern for it. Like, I feel like she would start saying different excuses at that point.

Poppy:  Is she, like, truly addicted?

Mickey: I mean, if she’s really going to the gym and he’s voiced that, like, “Oh, I miss you, we don’t ever hang out, you know, since you started going to the gym,” then she’s avoiding something. I feel like there’s a bigger problem. Like, she’s going to the gym to, like, run away.

Pugly: Right. I mean, he does kind of say that in his post.

Mickey:  

Mhm. But what is she running away from?

Pugly: From arguments, from crises, from any sort of feeling of overwhelmedness.

Mickey:  

Well, I mean, but why did this start happening? Like, I know she just had time with this new job, but why did she start running away from all those things then? If she wasn’t like that before. Like, there’s something big going on, I feel like.

Pugly:  And what do you think that is?

Mickey: An affair or like something like that.

Poppy:  They didn’t mention already having a kid, right? Like she was just pregnant with one?

Pugly:
Right. They don’t have, I don’t think they have a kid already.

Poppy:  And then the fact that like he’s like, I’m doing all the cleaning, I’m doing all the cooking, like…

Mickey: Mhm. It’s all on him.

Pugly: But then again, I mean, like some of that should be expected during a pregnancy—that, you know, some of that’s taken care of by the other partner that’s not pregnant.

Mickey: That’s true, especially if you are having like any bad symptoms during your pregnancy—

Pugly:  Yeah.

Mickey: —but she’s going to the gym.

Pugly:  That’s true. That’s true. But we don’t know that.

Mickey: Well, yeah, we don’t know that. Not that you shouldn’t be able to go to the gym when you’re pregnant. Like you should have your time…

Poppy:  No, yeah, definitely.

Mickey: But you don’t have enough time to help around the house? Like, I don’t know. Like small things, even. It doesn’t have to be… You know, especially at four months. Like, I don’t know, I’ve never been pregnant.

Pugly:  [laughs]

Mickey: But if she’s not having morning sickness and she’s not, doesn’t have the discomfort of like the last trimester yet…

Poppy:  Yeah, but going twice a day while you’re pregnant. Is that like permissible?

Mickey: I’ve heard it’s good to keep exercising but not to overdo it.

Pugly:  Yeah. This does sound like overdoing it to me too. I agree that there is such a thing as over-exercising.

Mickey: Even when she’s not pregnant.

Pugly:  Yeah. I mean, do we think this could be a thing of like, you know, like some kind of eating disorder?

Poppy:  It crossed my mind. Yeah, it really did cross my mind that she like is having self-image issues. Especially pregnant.

Pugly:  Yeah.

Poppy:  She’s like gonna start showing a lot more now in this stage.

Pugly:  Yep.

Mickey: That actually makes a lot of sense.

Poppy:  But she like used to be athletic in college, then wasn’t…

Pugly:  Yeah. The top comment said: My guess would be that she is overwhelmed by life and that she escapes to the gym. She has probably always been a control freak, and now that life does life things, she has a hard time not being in control. You are always in control at the gym. Same reason why bodybuilding attracts control freaks. 

Mickey: Hmm…

Pugly:  The original poster said: Yes, she is somebody who is overwhelmed with life. A very stressed-out person, somebody who worries about everything. Her job is extremely stressful to her, and she’s been on the verge of true breakdowns because of it multiple times. They’re actually the ones who told her she had to do something to deal with her stress, which was part of the reason she started going to the gym.

Mickey: That’s rough! [laughs] 

Pugly:  Yeah. Another commenter says: Based on what you said, I do think she is addicted to exercise, and it is a real thing. I think due to her pregnancy and body changes, the gym and exercise is really how she feels in control. It’s an obsession like OCD, if that makes sense, and over time, she will need more exercise to feel that high.

Mickey: Ooh, this is rough because just to begin with, someone who’s having control issues and going to the gym to feel in control… If you come to them and tell them like, “Hey, I think this is a problem,” they’re just going to keep running to the gym. They’re going to avoid even that conversation because they don’t feel in control when confronted with that.

Pugly:  Well, eating disorders are infamous for being really difficult to treat.

Mickey:  

Really?

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: How come?

Pugly: Because they’re very difficult to treat.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy:  But why won’t she do it with him? Because he mentioned that he also has to stay fit. Like, he’s not, you know, a lazy person. So, like, why will she never work out with him? Like, I get you want your time alone. I fully respect that. I think everyone deserves even half an hour to themselves every day.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  You’re not always going to have the luxury of being alone, you know?

Mickey: Oh yeah. Especially after a baby.

Poppy:  Yeah. So, like, why not work out with him? Why not do something active together? Like, it doesn’t always have to be… If you like working out because of the way it makes you feel, it doesn’t just have to happen in a gym.

Pugly: Right. And it also doesn’t have to happen just on your own too. Like, you think you’d want your partner to be engaged in the same activities that you are if you’re enjoying it.

Poppy:  It’s just something to do together.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  So she’s also really escaping him.

Mickey: Ooh. You think she’s getting cold feet of, like, having a baby with him?

Pugly:  Now’s not the time, girl. 

Mickey: [laughs] And there’s no other issues that he’s mentioned, like… 

Pugly:  Not that he’s mentioned. We only get his side of this story.

Poppy:  I would love to hear hers.

Mickey: Yeah. [laughs]

Pugly:  Me too! Well, would you like to hear his update?

Poppy:  Yes!

Pugly:  So he posted not long after, on February 10th. He said: I posted not very long ago about my wife’s addiction to the gym. A compulsion, if you will. She spends most of her free time there. She often goes twice a day and sometimes even three times if we have a fight at night and she needs to run off instead of actually talking to me.

She won’t let me go to her gym and she refuses to go to mine. Her gym is her place, my gym is my place, and that’s just the way it has to be, according to her. I’d love to have her come along with me. I’ve invited her multiple times.

She’s about 18 weeks pregnant right now. This is our first baby. She worked out like crazy prior to the pregnancy, and she continues to work out just as hard now. I truly didn’t think she was cheating on me. People suggested it in the last thread, and I laughed. You can tell she’s at the gym a lot. She’s in great shape. So she’s obviously going there.

I felt really confident about the cheating issue. And when I posted nine days ago, I wasn’t even considering cheating. I’m embarrassed to admit that after reading a lot of the comments on my last post, I thought maybe I was being overly confident about her fidelity.

She usually always has her phone on her, but she left it on the kitchen counter, and as stupid as I felt, I decided to do a quick swipe through her texts. She had a current text conversation going on with a guy. I recognized the name. The same name of a guy from the gym she mentions a lot. 

She’s friends with a lot of people there. Went to one of their weddings last fall. I wasn’t too terribly concerned until I started reading the texts. Never wanted to know what the guy’s d*** looked like, but now I know.

She was only out of the room for literally about a minute or two, so I had to scroll fast. I was furious. I asked her what the f*** the conversation was about.

She started yelling at me for looking at her phone. I told her she’s acting so weird, and the gym obsession was really bothering me, so I just decided to look and was ashamed that I did, but that I thought I’d find nothing at all. She said, “It’s nothing, it’s nothing!” Didn’t look like nothing to me. She sure seemed pretty interested in this nothing.

I wanted to know if she’s been f***ing him. For how long. She kept saying no. I left the house because I was so furious, but not before I slammed her phone down on the ground and shattered it.

Mickey: Oh my God.

Pugly:  She was calling me all sorts of names for breaking her phone. She hit me on the back as hard as she could. I left. Went to my brother’s house.

My brother and sister-in-law were shocked, although my sister-in-law was one of the most vocal ones about my wife’s gym obsession being weird and bringing it up to me constantly. I went home. She was in bed crying.

She obviously couldn’t call me or anyone else, for that matter.

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly:  She was laying it on thick. “I didn’t know if you’d ever come home.” Give me a break. 

I took her phone to get repaired tonight. She doesn’t deserve it, but I still feel like an ass for breaking her phone.

I still don’t know how deep it goes. She won’t admit to anything beyond what I saw. Was it sexting—bad enough—or more? I’m convinced it was a lot more, but she refuses to hand over her phone and is now trying to act like I’m this terrible monster who’s abusing her because I broke her phone. Not my proudest moment, but I honestly wanted to body slam her after she punched me. I have never and would never actually touch her like that.

Alright. It gets a bit deeper here.

Mickey: First of all, can I say something? Is that his baby?

Poppy:  That’s what I was just going to say! 

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy:  What if it’s not his baby?!

Mickey: Yeah. [laughs]

Pugly:  We gotta get a paternity test up in here.

Poppy:  Oh my God. Also, like, okay. Going to the gym every single day. That person is there every single time. They have to work there, right? Gym manager. Trainer…

Pugly:  Or could be a bodybuilder himself. But yeah, I would highly recommend a DNA test.

Mickey: Oh my God.

Poppy:  Oh my God… This is disgusting.

Mickey: I know.

All:

[laughs]

Mickey: Maybe this is deeply misogynistic of me, but like, the fact that she’s a pregnant lady receiving d*** pics makes it worse for me.

Poppy:  You know that’s a kink, right?

Mickey: Pregnant women?

Pugly:  Mhm.

Poppy:  Yeah!

Pugly:  Like how do people develop that kink in the first place?

Mickey: How do people develop any kink? 

Poppy:  They are lacking a lot of maternal things, okay? If you’re like, “Man, I want a pregnant woman,” that is very much—

Pugly:  But that’s like such an inconvenient kink to have because you can only have it for so long before the pregnancy is over. And then it’s like, uh oh, gotta knock her up again.

Mickey: Yeah, and a lot of pregnant people are like, you know, with somebody.

Poppy:  Well, what if they’re not? What if it’s a single pregnant woman and, you know, the hormones are hormoning and that pregnant woman is, you know…

Mickey: Does every kink have like a… Does it have to have like a psychological root or is it just like random? I never understood that.

Poppy:  My opinion is that it is very Freudian.

Mickey: Yeah, I think just, I think to me, the weirder the kink, the weirder the childhood.

Pugly:  How would you rate foot fetishes on that scale? Because that’s the most common fetish.

Poppy:  I don’t know if this is true, but I like read somewhere that the foot fetish center in the brain is like really close to the pleasure center of the brain. And so they just kind of connect. Because there is no other explanation for that.

Pugly:  [laughs]

Mickey: Yeah. I mean, that would make sense if like, if it’s like you like people, like, messing with your feet. But like, why do people like feet?

Pugly:  Like looking at pictures of feet.

Poppy:  That’s like even worse. Like that, that really does it for you—a picture? 

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy:  Come on. Come on. Like get serious. Grow up, honestly. Just grow up.

Mickey: Yeah. I think, I think, I mean, I think that one is not probably as weird as like some of the ones that I’ve heard of.

Pugly:  Have you heard of this one where people like to see bugs being squished? I forget what it’s called, but it’s like crush fetish or something… 

Mickey: This is a kink?

Pugly:  Yeah. One of my exes got requested to send a video of her squishing a bug.

Poppy:  With what? Like a hand, a foot?

Pugly:  With her foot! So maybe it was a combined foot fetish with the squishing thing…

Mickey: That’s crazy. [laughs]

Poppy:  Okay… Is this a safe space?

Mickey: That’s gross.

Pugly:  This is a safe space.

Mickey: This is a safe space.

Poppy:  I know somebody that asked me if I wanted to sell—

Pugly:  Your underwear.

Poppy:  No! Dirty, smelly sneakers. And he’s paying $350 for a pair of shoes that you would literally not even donate, you would throw away.

Pugly:  Okay. I might do that.

Mickey: What’s his number? I got some dirty sneakers.

Poppy:  He obviously like uses it for nasty ways.

Pugly:  I don’t care.

Mickey: Oh… [laughs]

Poppy:  And I was just like… How the hell?

Mickey: Eww… I just thought about that. You know, I have a comment here. Is it always men who have weird kinks? [laughs]

Poppy:  Definitely not.

Pugly:  Yeah, I don’t think so.

Poppy:  I think that men’s are just like… I’m making a disgusted face. [laughs] Because I forget that our friends can’t see us, but… Yeah…

Mickey: Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Poppy:  Sorry, boys, but oof…

Mickey: [laughs] Yeah, I’m sure. I’m sure, like, women are just as crazy, but I just… The really crazy ones—

Poppy:  [laughs]

Mickey: It’s just that the really crazy ones are always men. I’m always like, eww, why would you want this?

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: Gross.

Pugly:  Well, QueenMother81 on this post said: DNA testing. She absolutely is a liar. Just what y’all said. He said, in response, Other_Salt3889 said: She still will only admit to what I saw. I don’t know what’s been going on, but it’s definitely more than what I saw.

Mickey: Did he ever tell us, like, he saw the d*** pic, but then what else did he see?

Pugly:  Just communication between them. I’m not sure how much he got through, because he said it was only a minute or two that he had before she came back in the room.

Poppy:  He said that she seemed to enjoy it.

Mickey: Yeah, he did say that, which makes me think that she was sending emojis or saying, “I like that,” or whatever.

Poppy:  Reacted to it, yeah.

Mickey: Gross.

Poppy:  I honestly… Look at what we did. We literally tried to make excuses for her and say, “Poor thing, she has an eating disorder.”

All:

[laughs]

Poppy: Like… we literally wanted to just play devil’s advocate so bad.

Mickey: Yeah. Sometimes women are the villain.

Pugly:  Yeah. Women be the villain. Maybe that’s the—

Mickey: Moral of the story.

Poppy:  If that baby comes out able to bench press 50 pounds, it’s definitely the gym guy.

Pugly:  Well, the next one is titled “My wife admitted to an affair.” This was posted two days after the last post. 

Today my wife asked me to stay home from work so we could “talk.” She laid in bed all day yesterday trying to get me to feel sorry for her, but I paid absolutely no attention to her and ended up leaving the house to go to my family’s Super Bowl party. I wasn’t in the mood to go, but I wasn’t going to sit at home with her. It really bothered her that I left. She kept texting me things like, “Who just leaves like that? When something like this is happening, who is that cold and callous that they just leave to go to a party?” Says the one who’s running to the gym all the time?! Come on. Sorry. That was my commentary. My bad.

Poppy:  Oh yeah! I’m like, “Yeah!”

Pugly:  I stayed home today to talk to her. She was full of tears. She’s “so sorry.” According to her, she really was going to the gym twice a day because she likes going there. That’s where her friends are. It makes her feel good. It’s fun for her.

She met this guy there and he started flirting with her. Everyone likes him. He’s one of the most popular guys there. I didn’t realize there were popular people at gyms. She admitted that she flirted back, but didn’t mean anything by it.

She didn’t reciprocate very much at first, but he gave her butterflies, and she just found herself flirting back without thinking. She said it felt like when she had a crush on somebody when she was in school when she was younger. They started texting. At first, it was just friendly and nothing sexual for several months, but she’d feel giddy every time she got a message from him.

She was really attracted to him but told him that she was married and that there could never actually be anything between them. According to her, he kept flirting with her anyway and said, “Sure, we won’t cross the line” until they did cross the line. She said she had tried to resist it for a while, but then one day they kissed.

She admitted to enjoying it, but also feeling that it was wrong. She must not have felt that bad because she slept with him for the first time later that night. She described it like falling in love with somebody for the first time. All she could think about was him. Is she in love with him? She doesn’t know. Is this baby mine? She thinks so, but there’s always a small chance it could be his. He always uses a condom, so she doesn’t think it’s his baby, but they were sleeping together at the time she got pregnant.

She loves me. She can’t help that there’s just this huge spark between the two of them. She doesn’t know if she loves him. She doesn’t know if the baby is mine. She doesn’t know why she did this. She doesn’t know what she thinks we should do.

The nail in the coffin is when she said, “You wouldn’t really leave me if it’s not your baby, would you?” She had the balls to ask me that. I told her of course I’m leaving her, and I wouldn’t raise another man’s child. She seemed shocked. She said, “Really? With everything we have and all our history, you wouldn’t even consider it?” She can’t be serious. I told her, no, I would never consider it. 

She agreed to get a DNA test. She tearfully agreed, like I’m supposed to feel sorry for her about it. I don’t know who this woman is. She was crying the whole time, but not tears of an ashamed or sorry person. They were tears for herself and meant to try to make me feel bad. Feel bad for what? That her heart is apparently so torn?

Oof.

Mickey: What the f***? 

Pugly:  What the f***?

Mickey: I am so disappointed in her. Okay, can I say something? She described it as like, “It was like falling in love with somebody for the first time. I don’t know if I’m in love with him.” What does that mean?

Pugly:  I think that was his commentary, that it was like she was describing it as though she was falling in love for the first time or whatever. 

Mickey: Oh, okay.

Pugly:  But still. [sighs] Why are you risking all of this if you’re not in love with the guy?

Mickey: Mhm. And why are you expecting him to not care?

Poppy:  Because she… Okay, so like, maybe it started out as a gym addiction or something, and she started the adrenaline rush, like she enjoyed that. So then maybe that was also associated with him. Like it’s… It’s exciting, it’s risky, it’s like… It literally, like, it’s lust, you know? And it’s different, and sees him whenever she wants, and maybe he’s like, I don’t know, maybe he looks different than her husband.

Mickey: Maybe. I just can’t get over how she was just like, “You really wouldn’t get over this?”

Poppy:  No!

Mickey: What do you mean? How are you—

Pugly:  Yeah, you really wouldn’t raise another man’s child with me?

Mickey: Yeah. Like, let alone the cheating, like, yeah.

Pugly:  Yeah. That in and of itself is grounds for divorce.

Poppy:  Yes, it is.

Mickey: I wouldn’t be able to get past that, I don’t think. And then to ask him to get past it might be another person’s baby? 

Poppy:  Did they only sleep together one time?

Poppy:  No, it was…

Pugly:  It said that he used condoms each time that they had sex.

Poppy:  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably owns the gym. This is like the fantasy I’m making up in my head.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy:  Like he probably owns the gym or something and has like an office that she can hang out at. 

Mickey: Yeah, because where are they sleeping together?

Poppy:  And then she probably like works from home. She could work from there, takes her little laptop. Like how is she always there? He like works there, I’m telling you. He’s like maybe the owner or the manager.

Pugly:  Well, Leatherbag5939 says: The good news is she has given you all the information you need to make the right decision. All the extra details she provided is exactly what was needed to make it absolutely clear that you cannot stay with this person one second longer. Even if the child is yours, there is no way you should stay married. Many people co-parent, and it’s better to do that than to stay with this person. 

He says in response: She’s ruined my life, but I just feel numb right now. I barely feel anything at the moment. It would have been bad enough for her to have an affair and cheat on me, but she couldn’t have stopped when she found out she was pregnant? At least I could have walked away if it wasn’t for this pregnancy. Maybe I still can, but I won’t know for sure until I get some test results.

She’s almost positive the baby is mine. I’m stuck dealing with her forever then. My child will grow up with divorced parents. Their mom will be on the gym bike. Maybe she’ll even take off to live near her family and take my kid with her. Oh, but then she couldn’t be near the guy who gives her butterflies and f***s her in gym changing rooms. The thrill, the excitement, how can I even blame her? 

She’s ruined fatherhood for me, whether this is my kid or not. If by some chance this isn’t my baby and I’m able to completely break free, how will I not think of this one day when I start a family?

I was so f***ing happy to have this baby with her. I was really excited even though we hadn’t planned for it right now. We have names picked out. I’ve been there for everything, and now she does this to me? Not only me, but this poor kid—regardless of who their father is.

Mickey: Jesus Christ. I feel so bad for him.

Poppy:  I do too.

Mickey: He deserves the biggest hug. Like… I don’t even know what to say.

Poppy:  I hope the kid isn’t his.

Mickey: Yeah, me too.

Pugly:  It’d make a cleaner break for sure.

Poppy:  Because not only would, like, if it's his kid, it wouldn't just be him having to suffer through being around her or with her, but also for the kid, you know?

Mickey: Yeah. And if it is his kid, he has to suffer the consequences of her actions forever. I mean, the kid's going to have to be bounced back between them. And this is not what he wanted. He wanted a two-parent household, and he wanted to be married to her forever. And this was like, he wasn't going to walk away, but she broke the whole family at the same time that they're having a baby.

Pugly:  And Poppy mentioned earlier that we were giving the benefit of the doubt to the woman in question, and I think he was also doing the same thing with his post. He was like, “She's addicted to the gym. What do I do? I'm trying to just rekindle our flame.”

Mickey: Yeah, and it's unhealthy.

Pugly:  Yeah, it's unhealthy. I want what's best for my child and my wife. And like… I can just tell this is a genuinely good dude from the way he's framing things, and being honest too about his faults in the situation. Like he did admit to breaking the phone. I don’t know if there were other things that he’s neglected to mention—

Poppy:  I would have thrown it at her head. I wouldn’t have even thrown it on the ground!

Pugly:  Wow… We do not condone abuse.

Poppy:  No, we do not. That was just a joke. Um… You know what? I wouldn’t have taken it to get fixed though. That’s for sure.

Pugly:  Oh, no. No, I’m sorry. But that’s too…

Poppy:  And I would have maybe apologized the next day. Like you’re not getting it the same… You’re not getting it within the same hour. No way.

Mickey: Yeah, he just found out she cheated on him.

Pugly:  Yeah, I think there’s a price to pay for that. And I think a broken phone is probably a good price. 

Mickey: Yeah. And it’s like she can’t communicate with the gym guy anymore.

Pugly:  [laughs] Well, the next update is “My wife is moving in with her affair partner. They’re ‘in love.’” Now they’re in love, apparently.

Mickey: Wow.

Pugly:  This was posted February 21st of this year in the r/survivinginfidelity subreddit, which is a new subreddit that we haven’t encountered yet.

Mickey: How long do you think this is going to last—the being in love? You think it’s genuine?

Poppy:  No.

Mickey: Yeah. I don’t think it is either.

Pugly: Well, I’ve read the full, so I won’t comment.

Poppy:  I don’t think it’s genuine because it wasn’t made on a good foundation.

Mickey:  

Yeah. I feel like relationships that begin by cheating rarely survive.

Poppy:  The fact that both of you are willing to do that as well tells me everything I need to know about you as a person.

Pugly:  Especially when there’s a visible indication that somebody has been with somebody else—like the pregnancy, I mean. Like the fact that he wasn’t deterred by the pregnancy to stop…

Poppy:  What if he didn’t know? What if he didn’t know? Now he knows

Mickey:  

They were having sex before. 

Pugly: Yeah, they were. But maybe… I guess, yeah, none of them know who the baby belongs to.

Mickey:  

Wait, I have a question. How do you guys think that conversation went when she told her affair partner that she’s pregnant? You think they were like, “Wait, what if it’s mine?”

Poppy:  Ohh, you make a good point.

Pugly:  It sounded like he was saying that the woman was quite certain that the baby was his because they used condoms, whereas they didn’t—like, the original poster and her didn’t.

Poppy:  Oh.

Mickey: But she said they weren’t planning on having kids and she just got pregnant.

Pugly: True.

Mickey: Like… I don’t know. Anyway.

Pugly: True. Either way—

Poppy:  Don’t have sex ‘cause you’ll get pregnant and die.

Mickey:  

Abstinence only.

Pugly: Yeah. “My wife is moving in with her affair partner. They’re in love.” This is in the r/survivinginfidelity subreddit.

My life has been reduced to a trashy daytime talk show. The woman who was once my wife, who I considered a classy woman, has turned into complete trailer trash. Today, she announced that she’s moving in with her affair partner from the gym. She’s pregnant. Might be his kid, might be mine. She’s too embarrassed to go get blood drawn for a paternity test.

She spent about a week trying to get my attention, to get me to talk to her, to get me to beg her to be mine. I didn’t fall for any of it. I’ve largely been ignoring her, and when we have to speak, I keep it very brief. We’ve been living together this whole time, but I’m in a different room now and functioning separate from her in all ways. So her pouting and trying to get me to pay attention to her and give her a gold star for not going to the gym for five days in a row didn’t work.

Today, she texted me to say she is moving in with him. Somehow, I still care about this person. I’ve already met with a lawyer though. I can care about her as a human being and possible mother of my child without being married to her. Still, it stung to hear her say she was going to be with him. I told her it wasn’t a smart move to leave the house. I’ve even told her she should probably meet with a lawyer. She doesn’t care about anything I have to say. 

I don’t think she needs to move in with anybody. I actually feel bad for her that she can’t just be on her own. I asked her if he actually knew she was pregnant and wanted to know what story she’s been telling him this whole time. She said he knows, and he doesn’t care if it’s my baby. He loves her and wants to be with her.

Bizarre. You can’t find anyone else—somebody who isn’t a married, pregnant woman? Why would you take that on? Doesn’t make sense to me. He’s scum, but he’s good-looking scum who apparently is gainfully employed and owns his own home, so you can’t tell me that my married, pregnant wife is your only option here. I just can’t imagine being a single guy like that and wanting to put up with this baggage when I could have other options.

And if this really is my baby, then what? They’ll live with my wife and this weasel 50% of the time? I don’t know how my life turned into this mess.

And she thinks it’s embarrassing to have to go get blood drawn?!

Mickey: The fact that she could only withstand five days of him like being kind of distant before she was like, “Alright, peace.” [laughs] Like she stopped pretending all together.

Poppy:  She was already in the contemplation phase of moving out.

Mickey: Mhm. She was just saying that for his face, like, “No, no, we can make it work.”

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: Until she got the other guy to be like, “Okay, you can stay at my place.”

Pugly:  So she's doing this out of convenience is your conclusion?

Mickey: She's not acting logically at all. Or kindly.

Poppy:  Or like she, like, feels guilty in any way. She's honestly acting with anger right now. She's, like, mad at him.

Mickey: Mhm. Which is weird.

Poppy:  For not forgiving her.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly:  Which is so… I mean, you say weird. I don't know if weird is the right word. It's, like, unfathomable that she would be this entitled to think that she's, like, owed an apology or forgiveness for her actions.

Mickey: It's her, it's what she did.

Pugly:  Yeah, exactly.

Mickey: Do you guys, like, is it, is it fine to sometimes be upset that someone's not accepting your apology?

Poppy:  It just depends on what it is.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly:  I think you're entitled to have your own emotions or feelings about things, but I don't think you can project them on to other people. Without judgment, at least.

Mickey: So she's allowed to be, like, sad that he's not willing to forgive her, but she's not allowed to be like, “Why aren’t you forgiving me?”

Poppy:  Yeah. She can be sad about it, but she can't blame him for it.

Pugly:  Right. Yeah, she can only blame herself for any of this.

Poppy:  And let's say he also did something bad. Like let's not say he got someone pregnant. Let's just say he made out with somebody or even had sex with somebody one time. And then she was like, “I'm sorry.” And then he was not considering being accepting of it at all. Then it's like, okay, maybe she can be a little bit more angry. But the fact that we're assuming he's been a good husband this entire time, she cannot be mad at him.

Pugly:  If it's a more level playing field, then yes, they—

Poppy:  Exactly.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  If it's level, that's one thing.

Pugly:  Right now, it's pretty unbalanced.

Poppy:  Yeah, it's not balanced at all.

Pugly:  Yeah.

Mickey: The weird “part is that she's not giving any excuses. Like people who do bad things usually—and they expect you to forgive them—they usually give excuses. They're like, “Well, you weren't paying attention to me. I've been depressed, and he was the only one giving me attention.” Whatever. But she was just like, “We got together. I really had butterflies.” Like, what? What’s your excuse, like, you're not even going to give it?

Pugly:  Well, she did have a little bit of that in the sense that she said, we started talking out as friends and that lasted for several months before it actually escalated into anything more. So I think she was trying to convey that it was innocent until it wasn't.

Mickey: Yeah. Okay. But she's not even saying we were struggling. Like there's no tension in the marriage. There's literally no excuse. Not that there's ever an excuse for cheating.

Pugly:  Maybe she did say that, and we're just not getting that part of the story.

Mickey: Maybe.

Poppy:  I mean, yeah. Would he come out and say that they've been unhappy with each other? No. Well, he didn't.

Pugly:  Yeah. I do think it is kind of funny that she's too embarrassed to get blood drawn for the stupid test. You're too embarrassed, but you've done all these embarrassing actions and now you're embarrassed?

Poppy:  I'll tell you why she's not doing it. Because she's scared that it's going to be the other guy’s. That's why. She's scared for the result. Or she's scared that it's her ex-husband’s, but like, I think she's really scared of the results. That's why she's not doing it, not because she's embarrassed.

Mickey: Yeah, because I think either way, her ex-husband or her ex, it seems like he's not going to let this go. He doesn't want to stay with her even if it's his baby. And if it's the other guy's baby, I don't think she feels like she's on solid ground with him. Like yeah, she just moved in with him, but they've been just having sex. There's no relationship, I don't think.

Pugly:  Well, I mean, we don't know what the text messages contained. Maybe they had really fruitful conversations. [laughs]

Poppy:  I don't know…

Pugly:  Someone said: I sincerely hope that child isn't yours, so you can continue with your life. And OP says: Me too. That's pretty sad to have to say that.

Mickey: Especially that because he was excited about it.

Pugly:  Yeah, exactly. And to now be excited about the possibility of it not being your child.

Mickey: That sucks.

Poppy:  That kid is never going to get the love it deserves.

Pugly:  So here's our next update. This was posted on the personal profile page of the user Other_Salt3889 on February 29th, 2024. It says: My wife moved in with her affair partner last weekend. She didn't take very much at all. Most of her stuff is still in our house. I still get the feeling she was just waiting for me to beg her to come home, but I didn't reach out to her at all after she left.

It was a strange mixture of relief, anger, and sadness. I don't think I ate at all until last night. Just never felt hungry. Drank a little too much, but I'm fine. 

So this morning, she texted me to say her affair partner wants to get a DNA test done, so she's going to do it. Look at that. Didn't matter when I wanted one, but now that he has requested it, she suddenly thinks it's a great idea. She asked if I wanted to submit a sample because it'll be cheaper to have two dads tested as part of one package. I don't even care about the cost at this point. I just want an answer. I don't have to see or interact with them at all. I just have to make my own appointment with the lab to get my cheek swabbed. So this Saturday, I'm going to do that, and we should have the results within a week. I'll take what I can get at this point because it's better than her dragging this out for another 20 weeks. 

So that's it. I'm fine. I'm going to work every day, trying to function, just feel stuck in limbo. I miss her. Honestly, I hate that she's there with him. It makes me sick. Part of me does want to beg her to come home. It'll be even worse if I find out that it's my baby and she's there with him. Unless he drops her at that news. I won't let myself beg her. I won't play any of those games with her.

Mickey: That sucks, dude. I feel so bad for him.

Pugly:  Yeah.

Poppy:  I do too. 

Mickey: And just him saying, because this was such a bombshell on him. Him saying, like, I want to, like the whole thing, because he wasn't expecting her to be cheating. He thought she was just having a problem, like a health problem. And he's just still so in shock. He's like, I still want her back. I want to beg her back, but I'm not going to let myself. Like, that's so sad.

Poppy:  Honestly, I think her life is going to, you know, not so pretty side. Because now if the other guy is asking for a paternity test too, then the likelihood of them staying together, if that kid, like her having a connection with him, if that kid is born and it's not his, neither one of them are going to want her anymore. 

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  So like, I like have a feeling that like she's going to end up being…

Mickey: Alone.

Pugly:  Karma’d?

Poppy:  Karma’d.

Mickey: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think at this point, she's probably hoping it's not her husband's baby.

Pugly:  Why do you think that?

Mickey: Because if it's, okay, let's think about this, you guys. So if it's the affair partner's baby, we already know her husband won't take her back.

Poppy:  Right.

Mickey: There's a slim chance that the affair partner wants to be with her, you know, and wants to play it out. But if it's her husband's baby, like you said, neither one of them wants to be with her at that point. Like neither the affair partner or the husband, the husband's like, even if it's my baby, I'm not taking her back. So yikes.

Poppy:  She messed up.

Mickey: She really did.

Poppy:  She messed up and she just might deserve it.

Mickey: Yes, she needs therapy. She really needs therapy. And she needs somebody to smack her and be like, “Get it together.”

Poppy:  Maybe it'll be her kid like 18 years from now when they're like, “Mom, like, what? Why? Why did you do this to me?”

Mickey: Yeah. Oh God.

Pugly:  Well, should we read through the comments or just move on to the next update?

Poppy:  I'd like to hear a few comments.

Pugly:  Oh, okay. These are just long comments, so let me try to abbreviate it. So they quoted the part of the post where it says, “So this morning she texted me to say her affair partner wants to get a DNA test done, so she's going to do it.” And they said in response: I guarantee you that a fair partner agreed to move her in and have a relationship because she told them that he was the dad. And now after she's moved in and they've had some level of conversation beyond the quickies in the locker rooms, he's realized that you may be the dad. So he wants the DNA test to confirm he's the father before doing anything else. I guarantee you that if it comes back that you are the dad, he'll send her packing. 

And then in response, OP says: I'm positive that's the case too. And if it's my baby and he kicks her out, what do I do? I know I'll let her come back here, not to remain married, but if she's carrying my baby, I can't let her be homeless. Trying not to think too much about all of the what if’s and just take it one day at a time, but it's easier said than done.

And then in response, the initial poster said: Well, for starters, if she wants to come back, I'd establish a set of non-negotiable ground rules inclusive of a post-nuptial agreement very favorable to you and absolutely no contact with a fair partner and no alone time at the gym. If she wants to work out, she goes with you and you alone. 

Then someone else said: Why though? If he doesn’t intend to get back together anyway, why does it have to be with him? Discussing non-negotiables is a good start. Otherwise, just sounds like a power move.

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: Is that commenter saying if he's going to forgive her?

Pugly:  If he's going to take her back in—

Mickey: Take her back in the house or take her back as a wife? 

Pugly:  Yeah, take her back in the house.

Poppy:  Regardless, why would you ever want to have to worry about somebody that much? It's not worth being with them.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  If you like, there's just, I mean, he is saying he'll have her come back to the house, maybe until she figures things out. Like, he's not going to just let her be stranded with nobody.

Mickey: Yeah. Yeah. [laughs] Oh, God. God, what a pickle she's gotten herself into. Just, I think if she had responded with some remorse when he confronted her, things would have looked so much better for her at this point.

Pugly:  Yeah. What would you advise if this was your friend coming to you and saying, I have done all these things. What do you recommend? [laughs] Or would you drop them?

Mickey: I don't drop friends for making mistakes unless they're hurting people…

Pugly:  Well?

Poppy:  I honestly, I guess I've never really dropped a friend for other than hurting me. But maybe I've never befriended someone where I'm like, ugh, I can't be friends with you anymore because you did this, you know?

Mickey: Yeah, I think you wouldn't have become a friend to this kind of person.

Poppy:  Right. Because I don't hold that term loosely, “friend,” you know?

Mickey: But then that's the weird part is he didn't suspect her at all, and he seems like he's a good guy. So maybe some people are just stealth. Like they're bad people, but they're stealth. Not that she's only bad and she doesn't do anything good, but you know.

Pugly:  Or maybe she had some kind of episode. I mean, again, we're going back to the mental health diagnoses here, but she could have had an episode of sorts that might have led to her being a little hypersexual.

Mickey: Do you think she was manic?

Pugly:  I'm not actually proposing that. Based on what he’s said in these posts, I don't think that's what's going on here, but it could have been…

Poppy:  I don't know. Maybe it started off as like, she saw a picture of herself or wasn't happy in her own body because she went through that phase of not working out and getting comfortable and whatever. And so she started out as just like, okay, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to make myself look better, feel better, whatever, whatever it is that she was trying to gain from working out. Let's not even say it was just for look purposes. Like, she was just like, let me just try this out. And then she starts to enjoy it a lot. I just… Side note: I will never be one of those people.

All:

[laughs]

Poppy:  I just do not… Like I like the way I feel after working out, but I just, I'm never going to be like, okay, I'm going to go work out, I love it so much. Never, never, never, never.

Mickey: Like dragging yourself there.

Pugly:  Agreed.

Poppy:  But she was one of those very interesting people that do. [laughs] And then it became like, you know, maybe like a healthy obsession. So I don't know if healthy and obsession can be in the same sentence, but you know what I mean. Like she really started to enjoy it. And then she started looking better, feeling better. And then someone started to notice her and it was that man.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  Who we don't even know who he is yet. Does he work there? Is he a customer?

Pugly:  He does have a full-time job at least is what we've understood, and he owns a house.

Mickey: So he does well for himself.

Pugly:  He shouldn't be interested in this situation because it's too much baggage, according to the original poster.

Mickey: I wonder what his relationship history is like that this sounded like a good idea to him.

Poppy:  I think that she didn't tell him she was pregnant. I think that she was playing it off, not telling him this secret. And then when it came down to him finding out she was pregnant, that's when he demanded the paternity test.

Mickey: That's actually such a good theory because why the sudden change of heart of like, wait, wait, wait, you need to do a paternity test.

Poppy:  That would toss the salad way too much—

Pugly: Oh, God! [laughs]

Poppy:  —for him to just be like, “Oh, okay.” Like… Wait, is that a sexual term?

Mickey: Is it really?

Pugly:  Yeah! Yeah.

Mickey: What does it mean?

Pugly:  It means [baby laughs].

Mickey: Wait, why does tossing the salad mean that? What?

Pugly:  I guess because, like, you're [baby laughs].

Mickey: Ohhh. [laughs]

Poppy:  Eww.

Pugly:  Yeah. So maybe, maybe avoid that phrase. [laughs]

Poppy:  Yeah, that's funny. Well, now I've forgotten what I was going to say. That was… 

Mickey: The paternity test. You were saying that—

Poppy:  Oh, yeah. Like. Either one of them finding out that you're pregnant, like… You know? 

Mickey: Uh huh. You think she found out she was pregnant and she was like, wait, I'm having sex with two different guys. Should I just tell my husband?

Poppy:  Yes.

Mickey: And not tell the affair part.

Poppy:  Yep. Because she maybe was telling herself, like, I'm going to stop this. Like, I'm only going to do it for a little bit longer, because when I'm like actually showing, like I'm going to end it. Like, she just kept telling herself, like…

Pugly:  Alright. Well, there is an update on my wife's affair and pregnancy. This was posted March 15th.

Poppy:  Of this year?

Mickey: Yeah. So it's two weeks after, right? The last one?

Pugly:  Um, I don't know, but it does say my wife is around 22 weeks pregnant right now. So maybe three weeks later?

Poppy:  Let's do the math. So she's like halfway there, basically. A little over halfway there.

Pugly:  Yeah, a little over halfway. 

She was somewhere around 17 weeks when I discovered she was cheating. We recently had a paternity test done at the request of her affair partner, and it proves the baby is mine.

Mickey: Oh my God. Moment of silence.

Pugly:  Yeah.

Mickey: Poor guy.

Pugly:  That does sting.

Poppy:  That hurt me.

Pugly:  It's been very mixed emotions for me, very up and down. Originally, I thought I just wanted to be completely done with her and not have any lifelong ties in the form of a full-blown human being we shared, but I was sort of happy or relieved when I got the results. I'd already had it in my mind that I was going to be a father for months before I found out she was cheating.

Sometimes I just have moments where I can't believe this is my life, that this is the situation that my kid will be born into, and I hate her for it. She's still living with him. All of her belongings are still here in our house. I refuse to do the work of packing everything up for her. She doesn't seem concerned about taking any of her things beyond the essentials.

After we got the news that I'm the baby's father, she texted me to say she's glad I'm the father and that she knows I'll be a great dad.

She was texting me new baby name ideas last night. She's tried calling, but I ignore the calls. I only speak with her via text.

This morning, she asked if she could come by and get a few things. I told her it was fine, as I've been advised by my lawyer not to prevent her entry from the home, but I told her that he better not be with her. So who shows up with her? The scumbag boyfriend.

Poppy:  Oh my God.

Pugly:  He walks right on into the house behind her like it's no big deal. She ran upstairs to get the stuff she wanted, and he and I were just left standing there in the living room.

Mickey: That's so awkward.

Pugly:  He told me it wasn't her fault that he was there. She told him I didn't want him to come, but he forced his way along. He wanted to talk to me, supposedly, to tell me he understands how I must be feeling.

No, you don't know. He told me he knows I probably don't believe him, but he genuinely loves her and knew he probably wasn't the father. He accepts it and then tries to assure me he won't try to take my place with the baby and hopes we can just get along since we're both going to be in her life now.

He promises that she's fine. He's looking after her. I told him that I couldn't for the life of me imagine what he wanted with a pregnant woman who was having another man's child. That I found it weird.

Then I told him if he didn't get out of my house, I'd punch him. I went upstairs and she was trying to find some things in the bathroom. I got mad, asked her why she brought him along, and told her I find it really strange that he still wants to be with her now that he knows that he has nothing to do with this baby, and that I refuse to let him have anything to do with my child.

She said he talked her into coming and she's sorry and never meant for any of this to happen, but she's in love with him now. He is supposedly what 30-year-old her is looking for, not me. She's setting up a nursery in his house and I can set one up at my house, and she has no intention of trying to get full custody or anything like that.

She doesn't want to keep me from being involved in my child's life. How generous of her. She went back downstairs, and I followed her, and he was still standing there in the living room, and I just walked up to him and punched him.

He stumped back and fell into a table. She yelled, what the f**k, and ran over to him. I don't even care at this point.

As if he's going to call the cops? He deserved it, and it wouldn't have happened had he just left like I told him to. Several hours later, she texted me to say she was sorry about today. He really meant what he said, and he's actually a good guy, and he cares about her, and he respects me. What the f**k? He respects me? He was screwing my wife in the gym locker room. I was like, you can't be serious. She said, “Fine. I'm trying to have a mature conversation about this. I can't help that we fell in love. Believe it or not, I'm not trying to hurt you, and I want everything to be amicable.” 

This guy stole my wife, and he’s stealing my kid too. Sure, I'm the actual father, but now they're setting up a nursery together in his house. I've tried not to feel jealous or sad. I've tried to maintain the thought that he's the trash man who picked up my garbage. Sometimes, I feel that way, but the truth is that I loved her and still love her. I don't want to stay married to her on principle alone, but this is devastating to me.

Mickey: So the mature thing would have been, like, you have feelings for someone else, you tell your husband, hello, something's up, there's a problem. That's the mature thing. You made a f***ing promise.

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: What does she mean, I'm trying to have a mature conversation?

Poppy:  You made a baby. Don't you think as soon as you find out, like, even then try to put a stop to it? Still, never condoning, and no phase of cheating is a good phase of cheating, but maybe some of them are a little bit nicer than others. Like, no…

Mickey: So if he hadn't found out, what was she going to do? Was she going to bring it up ever?

Poppy:  What goes around comes around. Maybe she wasn't, but it would come out eventually. At some point.

Mickey: Yeah. Yikes. The fact that she brought him.

Poppy:  That's disrespectful.

Pugly:  So you think he deserved to get punched?

Poppy:  Yes. Yes, I do.

Pugly:  I don't know about that, but—

Mickey: He did tell him to leave.

Pugly:  He did. You're right. You're right. He did give him a warning.

Poppy:  Also, he deserved it. He knew she was married.

Pugly:  Or they could have picked the time when the guy wouldn't be home, when the original poster wouldn't be home.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  Don't bring anyone to my house, whether I'm there or not. They literally stay in the car. What are you doing? You think I'm going to hurt her?

Pugly:  She's halfway along, so I'm sure it's getting a little bit harder to do physical tasks. I can maybe understand needing help, but maybe ask somebody else.

Mickey: She doesn't have any friends? Like all her gym friends?

Pugly:  He's the most popular one. Can he not find somebody to help her?

Poppy:  That's a huge red flag. The fact that she has no friends. Like she was never hanging out with friends. She was only going to the gym. Like maybe other friends knew about this and decided to like cut her off.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly:  Well, we did question that in our last update when I was asking about how y'all would handle this—

Poppy:  Oh, true, true, true.

Pugly:  —if your friend was. You guys said that you wouldn't personally cut her off just for her own mistakes, right? Unless they directly affected you?

Mickey: Yes. But like I like if it were one of you guys telling me that you were doing this, I would be like, what the f*** are you doing?

Pugly:  If you were friends with both of them, though, it might be hard to like not have to pick a side.

Mickey: Let's say I'm just her friend mostly. I'd be like, I love you. But what are you doing? Are you out of your mind?

Poppy:  I wouldn't show support, but I would not officially like just cut you off. I'm never speaking to you again.

Mickey: Yeah, me neither.

Poppy:  Even then, like you're still my friend and you still told me something like this, this about your life, like that you shouldn't be telling anyone, like you trusted me, so like, it's hard. I don't know.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  Yeah. And maybe if they're coming clean to you about it, then it shows some sort of remorse.

Mickey and Poppy:  Yeah.

Pugly:  The fact that they're willing to confide in you. 

Mickey: Yeah. And if it's someone you're friends with, like you're already close friends, that means you believe in their character enough that this seems out of character.

Mickey: But she has no close friends. Like I would have if this would never be me, but if I was her, I would not bring that man to come help me. I would ask one of you, like I would be like, can you please come help me move some stuff? Like, ugh...

Mickey: Yeah, I would call one of my friends, be like, I f***ed up. I'm in a bad situation. Can you help me? That's what I would do.

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: People who don't have close friends, red flag.

Poppy:  It is, for whatever you identify as.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  No matter what, like girls, guys who don't have any friends, like what are you doing in your free time?

Mickey: Literally.

Poppy:  How are you interacting with people? I'm not saying you need several, but you need somebody. 

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  Even if just one good person, like you need someone else other than your significant other. Don't you want it? Don't you want to hang out with people that aren't your significant other?

Mickey: Yeah. And having friends makes you better. Your friends challenge you. Even when they're nice to you, they challenge you.

Poppy:  They do. And it's honesty, like you benefit from the honesty of friends, too. To tell you when you're wrong or to give you other suggestions or whatever it is.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly:  Well, this is “Another installment of the implosion which is my marriage.” That's the title of this next post, which was posted on April 10th, 2024.

Mickey: Poor guy. I'm glad he had an outlet. I'll say that.

Pugly:  Yeah. This is like his diary. So this post says: My wife is basically 26 weeks pregnant now. There actually hasn't been much drama with her and her affair partner. Only really annoying thing that's happened is that I told her I'm being in the delivery room, not him. After everything she's done, she owes me that. It's not his baby. He has no right or reason to be there. I will not be the one waiting outside when my kid is being born.

She said, yeah, she agreed, and she never planned to have him in there with her. I asked her if she told him that, and she said no. I told her to tell him he'll have no part in it.

Well, she told him, and apparently he didn't like that, and he started trying to convince her why he should be there. Next thing I know, she's telling me that he really wants to be there, and she's the one giving birth, so she should be able to say who she wants there, and she wants him there. I suppose he'll start making name suggestions soon and will try to overrule names we've had picked out for our future kids for years.

We've talked a little bit, and she told me I can have our house and the dog in our divorce. I'm requesting that we sell the house and split the profit. I already wrote that in the paperwork.

I'm not buying her out of our house, a house that I've made all the payments on anyway. I have a much better credit score than her and less debt. I compromised a lot because she liked this house.

I'd rather be able to get my own place based on just what I want and with no reminders of her.

Mickey: Sorry to interrupt you, but I'm surprised that since he owned the house to begin with that he would give her half.

Poppy:  So generous.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly:  [laughs] And there was already no way she was getting the dog. I already had proof that I “owned” him though, so she wouldn't really stand a chance of having a court award the dog to her. It's the one thing I told my lawyer I wanted above everything else, not including any custody issues surrounding my actual human child.

Honestly, her affair partner can have her, but he will never ever have my dog. Not to mention my dog is a hundred times more loyal than my wife, and some might even say better looking too. So, with the idea I won't be living here in this house for much longer after the baby is born, if everything moves quickly, I decided I will still prepare a nursery here anywhere in case anyone wants to try to accuse me of not being invested or prepared for fatherhood.

I'm trying to look at the positives. It doesn't matter what colors she likes or what themes. I can do whatever I want. Honestly, we've been together for so long and have lived together for most of our adult lives. It's sort of nice not living with somebody, but sort of lonely too. 

I have friends and family, but it's hard to feel in the mood to go out or hang out with people too often. They always ask me about everything that's going on, and it's just like I'm tired of that being the topic of conversation. I got a promotion at work, which financially would have been better had it happened after the divorce, but I'll take what I can get. I feel like I'm living in this limbo right now, and a lot of what I do is always framed around, how will this affect me in the divorce?

Admittedly, I spy on them on social media sometimes. Guess I'm hoping to see he's been in a motorcycle accident or something now that the weather is nicer. Hasn't happened yet, but he's starting a new company, and once that's up and running, I can always get all my friends and family to leave one-star reviews everywhere. I have to find ways to have a little fun.

Mickey: I like his idea of revenge.

Pugly:  Yeah, a little bit petty, but understandable.

Mickey: We're no strangers to one-star review brigades.

Pugly:  After the witch hunt, yeah. Yeah. So what did y’all think about this update?

Mickey: I mean, I think he's settling into this whole new reality and it's hitting him. I hope he doesn't live alone. I hope one of his family members moves in with him or his, I don't know, if he has a brother or a sister.

Pugly:  He said something about a brother and sister-in-law in one of the earlier posts.

Mickey: Yeah, I wonder if he can live with them. I don't know.

Poppy:  It makes me sad that he is still checking on the Instagram thing, because that means he still cares. That means he's still attached. He’s still invested.

Pugly:  I think it's going to be a while before he detaches from this situation. I feel like some of the harder breakups or whatever to overcome are the ones that hit you this hard with all this drama attached to it.

Poppy:  Or an extra human attached to it. Every time he looks at his kid for a while, it's going to remind him of the situation.

Pugly:  Yeah. Hopefully, it doesn't look like the mother.

Mickey: I hope the baby looks just like the dad and it kills the stepdad, you know?

Pugly:  Yeah.

Poppy:  This is so, so sad.

Mickey: Yeah. I'm sure he'll be fine eventually, but it just sucks that he has to live with his repercussions. The woman who cheated, the partner who cheated, yeah, she was a little bit like, it’s up in the air for a little bit. But she has a place to stay. She has a stepdad for her son. She's fine.

Poppy:  Let's not even act like we're going to just pass over the fact that he wanted to be in the delivery room.

Mickey: Oh.

Pugly:  Okay. I wanted to bring that up. I was like, we forgot the most important part of his post, like the fact that the affair partner is going to be in the delivery room.

Mickey: That's an honor afforded to the parents. Only.

Pugly:  And sometimes grandparents too.

Poppy:  Yes! I was going to say like your mom.

Pugly:  Yeah.

Mickey: You know what this is giving? This is giving Ross and his ex-wife.

Poppy:  Oh my God. Yes.

Mickey: They got divorced because she realized she's a lesbian.

Poppy:  Carol.

Pugly:  Yeah. I do remember that.

Mickey: And I guess she fell in love with this woman.

Poppy:  Susan.

Mickey: Susan. [laughs] Of course, you remember everything, Poppy.

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: And I think he wanted to be in the delivery room, obviously, but so did Susan?

Poppy:  Susan also wanted to be there.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy:  And go to all of the Lamaze classes, all of the doctor's appointments.

Pugly:  Ohh.

Poppy:  And they had just newly split, obviously, because she was pregnant with his baby.

Poppy:  Mhm. And she—Okay, so, she fell in love with Susan, but did she cheat on Ross? I can’t remember.

Poppy:  The first time that she cheated on Ross was because Ross suggested that they have menage-a-trois to spice things up because they were having a bit of difficulty in the bedroom. So that was a permissible cheat.

Pugly:  Wait, did they have it? And then they just went off into their own corner?

Poppy:  Yes.

Pugly:  Oh. We had a story about that on one of our episodes.

Poppy:  I haven't heard that one. Yeah, like… He allowed that. And he said, “You pick somebody.” And what's funny is that she had a list of 60 women because nobody knew that she liked girls.

Mickey: Oh. 

Poppy:  Yeah.

Pugly:  Wow. You are like a Friends historian.

Poppy:  Yes. Anyways. Where were we?

Mickey: We were just talking about the delivery room. Yeah, that's very weird. Let's say as a stepdad, and you know you're going to parent this child, you know, I kind of understand a little bit, like wanting to be there when the child is born. I get it a little bit. But you're literally the cheating partner. Like you have to understand. There's some like, you know, tension. Yeah.

Poppy:  I would sort of feel silly being there, even if I wanted to be supportive and like, I'm okay, like I'm going to co-parent with these two people, like we're going to raise this kid together. It takes a village, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I would still feel silly being in the delivery room when the actual dad is there. Let's say he like ran off or… died. Then, okay, stepdad, come in, like.

Mickey: Come through, stepdad.

Poppy:  There's room for you. Yeah.

Mickey: I wonder if part of it is like, he's like, well, that's my woman. Like, why are you in there with her?

Poppy:  You're disgusting.

Pugly:  Yeah. So y'all think it's unreasonable for him to expect to be able to be allowed in the room.

Poppy:  100%.

Mickey: Given the context. Yeah.

Pugly:  So you don't think it's true that the woman or the pregnant person has the right to allow whoever they want?

Poppy:  Yeah. But like, you already tossed the salad too much. 

Mickey: Yeah! Stirred the pot, stirred the pot!

Poppy:  Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah. I think, I think, obviously, I think, like, okay, let's say they got together after she and her husband broke up. It would be a lot more reasonable to be like, “Yeah, is it okay if I'm in the delivery room?” But you're the reason they broke up. So why are you expecting to be in there?

Pugly:  Yeah. When I first read that, I was shocked. I was like, oh my God, this guy is literally trying to take every little last thing from this man.

Poppy:  Yes! Everything from him.

Pugly:  Intolerable.

Mickey: Disgusting.

Poppy:  Those two deserve each other at this point. They're both greedy and dirty.

Mickey: Was that the last update?

Pugly:  That wasn't the last update, but I'm thinking maybe that's a good place for us to stop for now. Oh, there was an edit to this one, which said: Editing to add something I forgot. She told her family that we've split up and that she's with this other guy now.

Her sister reached out to me to say how sorry she was. Her sister is a dumbass, that sort of thing. She told me that my wife was complaining about her affair partner. The sex is over when he's done, and apparently he's really selfish with sex. He doesn't do extra little things for her that she's used to me doing, like clearing the snow off her car in the morning and heating it up or offering to make her food after a long day. He doesn't speak her love language, and he hangs out with his friends too much.

This made me so happy to hear. She's secretly miserable, and I find that absolutely delightful.

Mickey: Oh my God. She dug her own grave.

Poppy:  Yeah. I honestly feel better now.

Mickey: She tossed her own salad.

Poppy:  Yeah, she did. Yeah, she did.

Pugly:  Yeah. I'm kinda glad. I like that last line: “She's secretly miserable, and I find that absolutely delightful.” For this occasion, I think that's a justified feeling. I usually wouldn't really advise someone to be happy about someone else's misery, but in this case, I think it's pretty...

Mickey: Yeah, when someone's hurt you that bad, it's like, okay, taste of your own medicine. 

Poppy:  She really did. And he still is a good person, you know? Like he didn't cause more trouble on her. It's just happening because of her, to herself.

Mickey: Yeah, he made everything easy for her.

Poppy:  He could have made her miserable in other ways, probably.

Mickey: Well, that was a very interesting story, and I cannot wait to hear the rest of it.

Pugly:  Part two coming at you soon.

Mickey: I'm going to be on the edge of my seat. I hope we hear a happy ending for this man.

Poppy:  I hope justice is served.

Mickey: Yes. Yes.

Poppy:  This has been really fun though.

Mickey: Thank you so much for coming on the show, Poppy. We really enjoyed you. And next show, next part, we’ll see you then as well.

Poppy:  Yeah. See you then. Thank you.

Mickey: Alright. Bye, guys.

Pugly and Poppy:  Bye.