Mickey: Hey, guys. Welcome back to Secondhand Confessions. So good to see you here again. This is Mickey.

Pugly: This is Pugly.

Mickey: And we have with us again:

Poppy: Poppy.

Mickey: Welcome, Poppy.

Pugly: Hello, Poppy.

Poppy: Thanks, guys. Thank you. I feel like I’m just a regular now. Like you always remember your first time. 

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: On a podcast.

Mickey: Pretty soon, we’re going to make you a partner at the firm

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Oh my goodness. Wow. 

[Theme song]

Poppy: Ugh, let’s like, let’s just dig right back in.

Mickey: Yeah, what do you have for us today? I hear it’s part two today, Pugly.

Pugly: This is part two of Blood, Sweat, and Tears. I did have a recap, first of all, of our last episode, just so we’re all on the same page: In this episode, we delve into the ongoing story of a husband’s emotional turmoil after discovering his wife’s year-long affair with a man she met at the gym. The drama unfolds as the wife, now 26 weeks pregnant, initially insists that her husband is the father of her baby, but resists getting a paternity test until pressured by her lover. The test confirms the husband’s paternity, bringing a tumultuous mix of relief and heartbreak. As they face an impending divorce, the husband wrestles with his wife’s ongoing relationship with her affair partner.

Tensions reach a boiling point when his wife invites her lover to the delivery room, deepening his sense of betrayal. Amidst the turmoil, the husband makes difficult choices, deciding to sell their home and keep their dog. He prepares a nursery, demonstrating his unwavering commitment to fatherhood, despite planning to move after the divorce.

Finding solace in his wife’s unhappiness with her inattentive new partner, he navigates a roller coaster of jealousy and anger while seeking small victories, such as a recent work promotion. Determined not to let the affair partner replace him in his child’s life, he fights for his place while rebuilding his own. Join us as we explore his journey through heartbreak, legal battles, and the pursuit of closure in this complex web of relationships.

Mickey: What a summary.

Poppy: What a summary. And we did actually have a listener write in to give their thoughts on this saga here.

Mickey: Oh, wow.

Pugly: Would you like me to comment on those before we dive into part two?

Poppy: Let’s hear it.

Pugly: So she said, “The wife is definitely at fault for cheating and selfish. Seems like she wasn’t fulfilled or happy in her marriage for a long time since she was seeking comfort or attention elsewhere. Affairs are complicated, in my opinion, on why people do them. They’re wrong, for sure, but I think men have affairs for more physical reasons and women more so for emotional reasons.” 

That wasn’t something that we really touched on in our first part, but I do tend to think that there’s some accuracy in that. I looked up a few things about how men and women differ in terms of their reactions or when they initiate an affair, and there were some interesting findings in this study that was conducted on college students. So one thing that they found was that men and women didn’t differ in their self-reports of sexual frequency with their affair partners. There was an interesting finding in that women were more likely to confess their affairs to their primary partners. And they also found that men were more likely than women to say that sex was better with their affair partners than their primary partners.

Poppy: Damn.

Mickey: Yeah, rub the salt in the wound.

Poppy: It burns.

Mickey: [laughs] Geez Louise.

Pugly: Yeah. What do you guys think of that? 

Mickey: I think also, I don’t know. I mean, maybe you have the number on this, but I also feel like women are more likely to stay if their partner cheats on them.

Poppy: Yes.

Pugly: I didn’t get that statistic, but they did say that even though men are more likely statistically to cheat on their partners, that gap is narrowing.

Mickey: Equality.

Pugly: Truthfully.

Poppy: Um, it’s probably because of technology and how everyone can follow each other now.

Pugly: Well, it also relates to their definition of cheating because they’re now including things like emotional infidelity and emotional affairs. They’re not just including only pure sexual relationships.

Mickey: Yeah. That makes sense. I think people have asked men and women, like, what’s worse? And men consistently say emotional cheating, and women consistently say physical… Wait, did I do it the opposite?

Pugly: [laughs] Yes, you did.

Mickey: [laughs] Okay. Women consistently say emotional cheating is worse, and then men say physical cheating is worse.

Pugly: The proposed reason for that is that women don’t want their resources to be taken from them, and so they fear that if a man is emotionally invested in someone else, that he’s going to dedicate or invest in some other relationship, more than that relationship. And the other argument is that men are more fearful of physical intimacy in terms of their partner cheating on them, because they fear that they will not know the paternity of their own child.

Mickey: You know, that’s good and well, and I love that theory, but evolutionary psychology, sometimes I’m like, okay, it’s just sometimes women are just more emotional. Men are like more physical. It’s fine. We don’t have to like talk about “Me, my man has other women. He gives her hut, doesn’t give me hut.” Like what?

Poppy: I’ve heard from several men that it’s way worse when a girl cheats.

Pugly: Disgusting.

Poppy: Because she—

Pugly: No.

Poppy: Yes! Because guys cheat and it’s literally just because you want to like have sex with the girl. But when a girl cheats, she is emotionally invested. Like girls don’t usually have sex without an emotional component being there. At least if it’s like serious, you know?

Mickey: Except for sluts.

Poppy: Yeah, there’s definitely sluts out there.

Pugly: Well, should we dive in? 

Mickey: Go right ahead.

Pugly: Alright. This next post that he posted was called “I’m still alive.” And by the way, the OP was Other_Salt3889, so if I refer to Other_Salt3889, that’s who this is.

Mickey: Was anyone doubting that he was still alive?

Pugly: Apparently so. He posted “I’m still alive” on May 19th, 2024, which corresponds to about 31 weeks pregnant in his wife. He says: I’m still alive. I’m mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I’d taken my own life. No, I’m not on the brink of ending my life. I think I’m doing better than I have since all of this started.

So as of today, our baby is due in less than 10 weeks. We're in the homestretch now. I don't feel prepared at all. All of this other stuff has just been so distracting. 

I started working on a nursery. It's not done yet, but I have the floor finished and the walls painted. My ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and furniture I chose. She's not legally my ex-wife yet, but I've started calling her that. It sort of makes it easier.

I also packed up a bunch of her stuff. Originally, I refused to spend my time packing up her things, but eventually just said screw it and started packing it. I'm at the point where it'll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here. Why did I leave it for so long? 

She came over to get some of the boxes I packed up. She came alone. Things were fine between us. I loaded the stuff into her car. We didn't argue. At one point, she started to tear up and said she f***ed up. I said, yeah, she did, but there's no point talking about it now. She's shit all over our marriage.

She has her muscle-bound asshole to go home to now anyway, so who cares? She said, “I know, but it's not the same.” I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to f*** him the first time.

Supposedly, he’s going to “let” me be in the delivery room when my baby is born. I didn't even argue it when she said it like that, but inside, I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child. She says she talked to him, and he agreed it wouldn't really be right to not allow me there.

I'm going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child. I'm going to try to just ignore him for the time being. She was acting all sweet and laying on all of the, “I really want you there. I really need you there” stuff. And I know mentally I'm not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way. I'm trying to be indifferent more than anything else, but it's so hard when she's actually around and starts looking at me in a certain way and making me feel bad.

She invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house. I'm not sure I can bring myself to go into another man's house and look at the nursery set up for my kid. I did ask her if she was truly safe there, though. I don't know why. It's just been bothering me. As pissed as I still am, I don't want to find out he's mistreating her, and I definitely don't want my kid to be going into an unsafe household.

I haven't told her about anything her sister has told me. They probably won't last, but as of right now, there's a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house. It kills me to think about. It's almost soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long. 

She says she's fine. He genuinely loves her. He's great with kids. He accepts that she's having a baby and that this is part of the package. She insists it's not weird because she wasn't pregnant when anything started between them.

I asked her why she did it. Why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place? She said, “I don’t know,” then went into “I don’t want to talk about this” mode and left pretty soon after. Typical behavior from her. Just run away.

Overall, I'm doing okay. I'm not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of scotch every night anymore. I mean, on occasion, but for the most part, no. I feel more used to my new normal now, and that'll all change yet again pretty soon. 

Additional info he adds is that there is a draft of a custody plan now, but the court won't approve anything until after the baby is born. Right now, she's in agreement, but there's plenty of time for her to change her mind—or for him to convince her to change her mind.

She plans to breastfeed, but with agreement that she'll pump, and the baby can drink from a bottle when not with mom. Everything I've read says a baby ideally needs to spend time with each parent frequently, without gaps that are too long in between, and it's best if each parent is feeding, changing, bathing, etc. during their time.

At this time, she's in agreement with all of this. I can say that she's not said or done anything to indicate that she wants to restrict my time with my baby other than the whole delivery room thing. She seems to want me to be involved in that respect.

I hope she sticks to her word. If not, I will be fighting it through legal means.

Mickey: Geez. Can you imagine?

Poppy: No.

Mickey: Like, it’s your baby and you didn’t do anything wrong, and then you’re not allowed to be at the delivery.

Pugly: Fortunately, he’s being let in the delivery room.

Mickey: That’s disgusting.

Poppy: How dare he?

Mickey: And like, he’s the guy, he’s the affair partner saying, oh, I’ll let you be there. What?

Poppy: You have no part in this. It’s literally that Friends episode.

Mickey: Yeah! [laughs]

Poppy: You’re not physically… You didn’t make that. And then the just like the very, I do have a comment about something you said earlier, but like him saying, you know, that he’s still ready to have this kid and like he’s been reading about it. And like, oh my God, like… 

Mickey: It’s so sad! It’s so, so sad. And this is such a unique situation, I feel like, because I can’t even imagine, like what, like when he said that he was invited over to see the baby’s room in the other guy’s house?

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: I can’t even imagine that situation when he was like, I can’t bring myself to another person’s house, like who’s going to have my baby in their house. Like, I can’t bring myself to go there. I can’t imagine.

Pugly: And it’s just funny to think about that, like, when I go to the gym (every decade) and I look at all the people there that are exercising and they look like they’ve been to the gym every day twice a day, like this woman, and I’m like so jealous of them, I’m like, what, this could be her.

Poppy: Yeah. Yeah. It could. Also, why are they not divorced yet?

Mickey: I don’t know.

Pugly: I think it takes time.

Poppy: Okay, because he kept saying, I call her my ex-wife, but we’re not divorced yet. But like, why? I was wondering, does it take a long time?

Mickey: I think it does, from what I’ve heard. Yeah.

Pugly: Yeah. Even the non-contested divorces, I think, can take a while sometimes.

Mickey: I think prenup helps. That’s one of the reasons people do prenups. Yeah. Geez, Louise. Okay. One thing I would tell this guy is maybe he can, in the divorce, request that his ex-wife and her new man move closer to him, even though he doesn’t want to be running into them. But just so that, like he said, there’s no gaps with the baby being with either parent. So it’s easier for him. Like, if they’re on the other side of town, that’s unfair. So like just, you know, I feel like that’s a reasonable request to make them move, right?

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: To make them move? 

Mickey: Yeah. [laughs]

Pugly: I don’t know if that’s gonna follow in a court of law.

Poppy: Yeah, I don’t know if they’re going to care enough, but—

Mickey: It would be nice if they did that. 

Poppy: It would be ideal. Yeah.

Pugly: I don’t get the sense that they live that far apart though.

Mickey: Oh.

Poppy: It’s giving small town.

Pugly: It is. It is giving small town.

Mickey: [laughs] Why did that guy make her do a paternity test if he doesn’t care?

Pugly: [laughs] Yeah. That’s a good question. Maybe so he could push the other guy out? Like if it wasn’t his baby, then he could just be like, “For sure you’re not in the delivery room. You don’t have anything to do with my woman whatsoever now”?

Mickey: Maybe. I wonder if he’s like a possessive guy.

Pugly: Maybe so.

Poppy: Where I imagine this… Sorry, it’s been a long day. Where I imagine this take place in my head—[location censored].

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: But why?!

Poppy: I keep imagining the Planet Fitness that’s in [location censored].

Pugly: Oh!

Mickey: Lol. [laughs]

Pugly: A very specific gym.

Poppy: I’m like, why am I picturing that gym out of all gyms, which is absolutely not Planet Fitness, even though it could be because it’s 24 hours, but like so are other gyms…

Pugly: Yeah, but I feel like this is more of a, like, if she’s that invested, she’s probably going to one of those like top-tier gyms in her area, at least.

Poppy: Right, right, right, right.

Mickey: For some reason, I was imagining like LA.

Pugly: Oh, you think it’s that big?

Poppy: Really? I’m not getting that at all.

Pugly: Anyway, one of the top comments says: Is he also going to be in the delivery room? Because that’s seven different shades of f***ed up on your ex’s part if true. I’m not sure what the legalities are, but unless she specifically requested him to be there, he has absolutely zero right to be in there while the baby is born. After the baby is born, he has even less influence over raising your child.

Then Other_Salt3889 said: Nobody, including me, has any legal right to be in the delivery room. It’s whatever she says she wants. Of course, I still believe that as the baby’s father, I have more of a right/reason to be there over him. The thought of any other man seeing my child before I do or holding them before I do kills me. Yeah, I’ve seen comments about how this is a life-threatening medical event for my ex-wife, and I get that, but it doesn’t change how I feel about wanting to witness my child coming into the world.

Mickey: I think he has such a level head about him. He’s just like, yeah, it’s legally only my wife or my ex-wife can say who can’t be there. It just makes me upset. Like he’s such a good guy. Why did she leave him?

Poppy: I know, but it’s also like it’s a little too much. Like I think he’s being a little too much. Like he’s…

Mickey: You think he… Oh, sorry. I was going to ask if you think he’s passive.

Poppy: Like, oh, it’s like her legal, like, you know, like… Shut up!

All:

[laughs]

Mickey: Like okay, do you think he’s trying to be like a “nice guy”? Like, oh, I’m such a nice guy. Or do you think he’s a passive guy? Like and that’s why she like looked elsewhere, because he’s just like, “Oh, whatever. I guess, I guess you’re going to cheat on me.”

Poppy: I think she was like looking for something that was like a bit more… rousing.

Mickey: Rousing.

Pugly: And that was the reason for the affair, you mean?

Poppy: Yes. Yes. Yes. But the fact that like he even, you know, the legality of him being in the birthing room, like if I have to legally like ask to be in there, then I really just don’t want to be in there.

Mickey: [laughs] Yeah.

Poppy: Imagine, imagine like you legally being like, no, somebody that you didn’t want in there, let’s just say she doesn’t want him in there, okay? For some odd reason, but she’s odd because she’s made a lot of bad decisions.

Pugly: Fair.

Poppy: But to then, someone like brings you divorce papers and is like, “I have the right to be in the room and look inside your soul.”

Pugly: Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to finalize the divorce, because he wanted like more of a right to be in the delivery room or…

Poppy: He’s scared of her.

Mickey: Well, I think even like even when you’re married and there’s no issues, you’re allowed to be like, I don’t want my husband in the room, and they kick him out.

Pugly: Yeah, that’s true.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: I guess it’s always mother and baby first.

Mickey: Yeah. Because it is coming out of your body. As my mom likes to say, “I pooped you out.”

Poppy: Right.

Mickey: Yep.

Poppy: She did. And so did my mom.

Mickey: Yep.

Pugly: My mom did not poop me out. I was extracted.

Mickey: [laughs]

Poppy: You’re like a little tooth.

All:

[laughs]

Mickey: Something like the women in my life, in my family especially—like my large extended family, I think it’s just Middle Eastern women—have always said, and I kind of understood it, but not really, is that I don’t like a man who doesn’t get jealous. Like if he doesn’t get jealous—

Pugly: He’s not invested.

Poppy: You always hear like the man has to love you more than you love him.

Mickey: Yep. [laughs] Anyway, let’s get back to the story. What were we talking about?

Pugly: Well, the next post is kind of revealing in the title, so I won’t say that just yet, but I will say that it was posted on July 2nd of this year, which was around 37 weeks pregnant.

Mickey: So like three more weeks.

Pugly: Precisely. He says: I have a baby, a little girl. I'm a dad.

She was born yesterday at 11:57 PM—two weeks early. As he's done before, she was having some pains on and off, and he left for work yesterday morning. She works from home on Mondays. 

She told me around 8:30 AM she was having contractions 17 minutes apart. The same thing happened not long ago, but then by evening, all the pain stopped. I was at work, so I told her to keep me posted.

A little later, she said they were 15 minutes apart, and she had some other signs it might be actual labor starting. I asked her if she needed somebody there with her. She said she wanted me to come be with her. I didn't even mean to volunteer myself. She was scared. I didn't even ask why she didn't call him.

I left work and went over to his house. Uncomfortable doesn't begin to describe it, but there were obviously more important things going on. He wasn't there. She didn't even contact him. She said she just wanted it to be me and her there. In her words, he hadn't seen her pee or s*** herself yet, but I've witnessed all of that stuff already, so she was more comfortable with me there.

I really tried to be as nice and supportive as possible—set the whole thing about her affair, our marriage, everything to the side for a brief time. I don't really know what my purpose was being there, but I think she just needed somebody there so she didn't feel alone. She spent most of the time stretching and doing some sort of yoga labor routine and bouncing on this huge exercise ball.

I twiddled my thumbs for the most part and looked through a bunch of his belongings. I was timing the contractions, and they were consistent and slowly did get closer together, so I thought it was probably actually going to happen. It wasn't nearly far enough along to go to the hospital yet, and it was getting close to when he'd get home.

I was planning how I'd handle that when she called me into the bathroom to ask her if I thought her water broke. It wasn't like in the movies with this huge gush of water. So he got home and I was there. He came into the house and the first thing he asked was, “What are you doing here?” I think he thought something else was going on. No, you just left and went to work and left her alone when she was scared.

He said he was home and he'd be with her until it was time to go to the hospital. He put his hand on my shoulder and said something like, “Thanks, Bud. I got it from here and we'll call you when we're on the way to the hospital.” He called me Bud. I told him I wasn't his buddy and to fuck off. I could tell she wanted me to leave.

I'm not sure she really wanted me to leave so much as she was in labor and the tension between the two of us wasn't what she needed, and I knew that. It was his house, so what was I supposed to do? I left and prayed they'd actually call me instead of letting me know the next day that my kid had been born.

She texted me a few hours later to say the doctor told her to go to the hospital. At that point, I still didn't know if I was going to be waiting outside or what he'd decide was best for his apparent wife and child. I was allowed to be in the room. I didn't force my way in there. She said she wanted me to be there. He was there too.

By far the single most awkward experience of my life, and the only reason I was able to excuse it was because she told me she wanted me there, and I didn't want to miss the chance to be there when my kid was born and to hold my kid before he did. I can't imagine what the doctors and nurses were thinking. F**king humiliating.

Then the guy tried to police what I could see. I put the baby in there. He's f**king watching, and it's like, this is still my wife and that's my baby.

I chose to stay dignified, and I ignored him the entire time. I was there to do whatever she told me to do, and my focus wasn't on him, but in any other setting, I don't think I would have been able to hold back. 

The baby came flying out. I mean, as far as labor goes. These are the nurses' words, and I trust labor and delivery nurses to know what they're talking about. She tore very badly because the baby came out so fast. The baby is so tiny—barely six pounds and only 18 inches—but perfectly healthy. 

I went home for a short rest, although I really couldn't rest at all. I went back today, and of course he was there. Surprisingly, he said he was going to give us some time alone with the baby. Not sure if she had previously asked him to do that when I showed up or not, didn't ask. He even brought us all food back when he returned a few hours later. I wondered if mine might be poisoned, but I tried to be nice. 

He's still not gone, so I'm wondering how long he'll be around. I just can't let myself do anything that will make her try to keep me away from my daughter now. I don't want them making it difficult for me. 

I prefer not to share her name publicly, but I can confirm it's the name we chose for a daughter years ago. He had no say, and he hasn't said anything about the name at all. It kills me to see him holding her though. I eventually left because it was just too much sitting there pretending to be like some bizarre three’s company. I'll know I will get my time with her when he's not around.

He's already posting them on his social media. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to figure it out. I just have to find a way to be the bigger person because I won't let him or their relationship discourage me from being my daughter's dad.

I totally get doing anything for your kids now, and if it means having to pretend to get along with him, I will.

Poppy: Aww, that's so selfless.

Mickey: I've already been crying all day, and I'm just going to keep crying, I guess.

Poppy: Let it out.

Mickey: He's going to be a great girl, dad, I feel like, you know? Especially as a divorced girl dad. Like imagine if he was having a son. Not that it should be much different, but I don't know. I feel like there would be less closeness with his son. I don't know.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: But now he has a daughter, and growing up, I feel like you always look to your mom when you're a girl, and when your mom is not so great of a person, and she's made some big mistakes in her life, and it's affected you from the day you're born, or even before that… It's nice that your dad, at least, is a thoughtful person and a kind person.

Poppy: Agreed.

Mickey: Happy for her that she has that. But that's so sad. And did he say that the guy was policing him, like the affair partner, about what he could see in the delivery room? Like, who is in the delivery room? Like, “Ooh, yeah, yeah, let me see her vagine.” Like, “Ooh, let me get, let me see some of that.” It's disgusting.

Poppy: It is disgusting. He does not he does not deserve to be there.

Pugly: No.

Mickey: Yeah, it's like, like a miracle, beautiful, blah, blah, blah. But it's also disgusting. Like people aren't like looking down there like, let me see it. And second of all, like, he's, they've been together, like literally a handful of months. And he's like blocking this guy from like seeing his own daughter's delivery. Like you’re not her husband. You're, you're her boyfriend, like barely.

Poppy: She's still married!

Mickey: She's still married. And like they haven't even like, she didn't say I want I don't want him here. She didn't say I don't want him to see it. Why is her stupid jealous ass boyfriend? Maybe my, maybe the matriarchs are wrong in my family for saying, like, if he's not jealous then he doesn't actually like you, because, I mean, that's the other thing. Like too much jealousy is bad, too. Like it becomes possessiveness. 

Poppy and Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: I think it's like, this is, there's a, there should be a healthy amount. But like, what the f***? Like, “Oh, you can't, that's my woman. You can't look.” It's his daughter getting delivered, like coming into this life, taking her first breath.

Poppy: Yeah. Also, you just got here, my friend. Who are you? Literally, this guy just keeps being disrespectful event after event. Like, he literally, that's not being a real man. And that's not somebody that like, you know, I wouldn't be proud to have my daughter around you, sir. I'm scared for guys like you to come around my daughter when she's older.

Mickey: Oh my God. Yes. So true.

Pugly: The way he depicted the scene of the delivery room was just like, like just the f***ing humiliating comment that he made about with how the nurses were perceiving the situation. Like, I'm just like, yeah, that has to be so embarrassing to go through that.

Mickey: Yeah. And alone. Like, it's not like you could bring a friend. [laughs]

Pugly: [laughs] True.

Poppy: Right.

Mickey: Yeah. Yeah. She like jumping from a relationship to a relationship while pregnant, like with your first baby, it's like probably the biggest life change you could make is a, you know, is an interesting choice. Very interesting choice.

Poppy: And she never spent any time away from either, like either one of them, you know?

Pugly: True.

Poppy: Maybe one or the other, but like she literally moved from husband's house to boyfriend's house. Like she never had to like move back home or move in with a friend. Like she literally just one house one day and the other the next. Like I'm still so disappointed in her.

Mickey: Like literally a handoff.

Pugly: Yep. Katie of Gilead says: Huge congratulations. I know this has all been a f**king whirlwind for sure, but I hope you're proud of yourself for maintaining your integrity and character. Your baby girl will definitely be proud to have the dad who stands on strength of character and puts her first. I'm actually proud of the mom too, and really glad she went with the name you guys chose. What the heck? No, we ain't giving her credit.

Poppy: No.

Pugly: From here on out, the constant is you and your daughter and the relationship you two have. Who knows what will happen with the mom, boyfriend, whoever? What's important is that little girl. Keep that in mind and you'll definitely figure things out. Best wishes to you both. 

He said: Hard to say how I feel about myself. On one hand, I'm glad I was able to maintain my composure, focus on the important thing, and ensure I was present for the birth of my first child. On the other hand, I hate myself for allowing him to be there. I know it was out of my hands. She wanted him there, and her day was all that mattered. And I get that. Just still feel the bruise to my dignity.

Mickey: I still don't see him being a huge part of her life, even though he was there when her daughter was born. Like, I still don’t see him… I still don’t see their relationship working out—the new guy. Because they never really... I mean, they hung out secretly. They don't know what living together is like.

Poppy: I would love to see how... Or I would love to hear the perspective of how he treats her, and does she look happy when she's around him, or does she look like...

Pugly: We got a little bit of insight into that from a previous post that was talking about a sister or something who revealed that in a conversation with the wife, she was saying that the affair partner wasn't quite as attentive to her needs, that she was...

Poppy: Oh, right, right.

Pugly: Like, I don't remember exactly. Like, he would scrape frost off her windows and stuff like that, like, do, you know, kind gestures or whatever that she was missing in this new relationship. And also, the sex was apparently worse because it was just in and out.

Poppy: Yikes. 

Mickey: Wow. What would push someone to, you know, get with someone like that?

Pugly: Yeah, it's a downgrade.

Mickey: You think they're more like maybe, maybe she's just like, I don't know, there's more chemistry between them or something?

Pugly: Could be. Maybe he's younger or...

Poppy: The flame is dying. It was I said this in the last episode, like it’s fun and exciting. It got the adrenaline going. And now it's just like, like, there's a crying baby in my house. And like, you've got like baby daddy drama. And I want someone that's like that what she used to be before kids.

Mickey and Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Now it's like all on the baby. It's a newborn!

Pugly: Yep. And I even I even carved out space in my own house for you to have this for your baby.

Mickey: Your baby.

Pugly: Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's going to be your baby, not our baby.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: Of course not. It's not his.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: If you're in a relationship and your partner is like, you should be grateful. You guys aren't partners. You're not partners.

Poppy: No. 

Pugly: Well, there was a brief life update posted on July 24th, 2024 that I want to skip over and just give a summary of. The summary is that OP describes a challenging week filled with personal struggles, including issues with his house and managing his responsibilities as a new father.

His wife is struggling with motherhood and breastfeeding and her feelings for both her husband and her lover, expressing a desire to return to her husband and their former home. The OP is frustrated with his wife's indecisiveness and the complications arising from her affair, all while dealing with additional stress from issues with his house.

Mickey: I think we all predicted this. At some point, she would just want to get back with him. Yeah. And not even leave the next guy, but get back with her husband, like regret the choice she made. But again, you can't expect someone to forgive you when you literally cheated. Just such callousness shown towards him. Like she doesn't care about him.

Poppy: She did not care about him at all. She didn't even feel sorry. She actually got mad at him because he wouldn't forgive her.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: True. Yeah. The top commenter on this post said: I could be wrong, but it sounds like from the wording of this post, you're entertaining the idea of being open to reconciling. Be very careful if that's an avenue you're thinking of exploring. 

Other_Salt 3889 responds: I don't know that I could ever trust her again, let alone forgive her. Forgiveness is something I struggle with in general. I don't really do it well. At the same time, I also want to be a family, and I don't want to split time with my child. 

So it sounds like he's super motivated by this idea of a cohesive family unit, but it's like, I just don’t know that the risk is worth that.

Mickey: I think that he should just not do anything, like tell her, hey, we're not together; let's live our lives apart. If over time he shows or she shows better character, better decisions, then he can consider it. I don't, again, I'm not sure that I could ever forgive cheating.

Pugly: For her to do that, she's going to be stuck with this guy… I mean, are you saying that she needs to move out on her own for a time?

Poppy: Yeah, move out on her own, prove herself. Like these are just words, like, oh, let's get back together. I made a mistake. And they're all words because obviously she vowed to be faithful to him before when they got married and those were just words to her. And she broke those promises. So she has to show him that she actually means this for him to be able to even consider getting back together. I don't think he should get back together with her. But I also just think when someone is in a situation like this, like, emotions are high. And like you said, he really wants his family to be a cohesive unit. And that's such an attractive image that the only thing you can say is just wait, wait it out. That can always happen in the future. But you have to see it for yourself. Like, you can't just believe someone at their word anymore or this woman at her word anymore.

Poppy: I also like, I think from the very beginning, he really wanted to make, like he wants, he cares about being a good parent. And so like, I, I'm sure it's so hard. Like, that's like probably the biggest temptation is like thinking of the future of their daughter and like, you know, growing up with both parents and like, not this other weird boyfriend that doesn't make sense. And like, he does still love her 100 percent. But then again, like, I don't know, like, is he gonna, is he gonna be able to get over it? Because if you're gonna get back with somebody that hurt you like that, you have to be prepared that they're gonna do it again.

Pugly: Mhm.

Mickey: Yep.

Poppy: Who’s to say that she's not gonna go back to the gym to like, lose the baby weight and like, find somebody else, like…

Pugly: And it doesn't even have to be at the gym either. I mean, she could go back to work or go, you know, on vacation or…

Poppy: Yeah. It just seems that, you know, she likes the gym, so…

Pugly: Yeah. [laughs]

Poppy: I bet if he, like, gave her another chance and whatnot, and she, like, starts the gym thing again, they're not going to be able to, like, like, I think they're, I think if they get back together, they're going to end up breaking up eventually because there will always be trust issues.

Mickey: Especially because I don't think they even really ever talked about, like, she avoided the conversation when he brought it up to her. Like, hey, why did you even do this?

Poppy: She was never adult enough. She was never adult enough to talk to him and genuinely own up to her faults.

Mickey: Yeah. And she, from the beginning, has been avoidant. Avoidant, avoidant, avoidant. So she, I mean, when, if she ever actually wants this, she would show that by, like, actually approaching the situation and actually talking about it. She doesn't want it. She wants things to be easier.

Poppy: Yeah. She's, from the very beginning, wanted things to be easy her way.

Pugly: She has chosen a very interesting path if easy is the way that she wants to describe her life.

Poppy: I know.

Mickey: Well, after, after she made her mistake, like her big mistake, everything she did after that, she was like, what’s going to make my life easiest? Like, instead of moving out on her own, she moved in with this boyfriend who, like, I don’t even know that she really liked him that much.

Poppy: No!

Mickey: And then they lived together and it's not working out. She's like, can I move in back with you? Instead of, like, moving out on her own and figuring things out.

Pugly: Maybe she doesn't have a means, but they didn't have children, so I assume she worked.

Mickey: She had a job. She had a job. She had a remote job, yeah. Or like a hybrid job.

Pugly: I didn't remember the specifics of that. But his next post is titled, “My wife has ‘moved home’ for now,” posted on July 28th, four days later. I just did a summary of this one as well, because it's a lot of details that aren't necessary.

But essentially, the OP's wife suddenly decided to move back in with him, primarily motivated by their shared desire for their child to be raised in one home. OP, despite initially agreeing, now feels uncertain and trapped, especially after witnessing a dramatic scene involving his wife's lover and learning of their recent intimacy. The situation is further complicated by OP's own admission of sleeping with someone else, the ex-wife of a friend of his, causing additional strain on their already fragile relationship.

Mickey: Wait, when did he sleep with this other lady? After they broke up?

Pugly: After they broke up, yes. That's a recent development.

Mickey: Okay. Why did he let her move back in with him?

Poppy: Yeah.

Pugly: Because again, he was motivated by the whole wanting to have one family unit.

Mickey: I could have told him not to do that.

Poppy: I would have told him not to.

Pugly: Top comment on this post said: Dude, I don't want to say we told you so, but what were you expecting? You know how she is, who she is. This surprised no one. She wants to reconcile with you. I think a part of you does too, but you're badly damaged by the whole affair. This weird roommates-while-co-parenting thing isn't going to work with your mindsets like this. Either you work on reconciliation genuinely (couples counseling, genuine remorse from her, new boundaries, etc.), or you need to put more separation between you two, because this is a terrible environment for you, your wife, and your kid. To be clear, I think you're too damaged from the affair for reconciliation, and I don't think she deserves it, but you both seem like you want it. 

And then he responds: She was just telling me a week ago that she loves him, so yeah, I don't think I'm interested in reconciliation right now.

Someone else says: Is this really the environment you want your child to grow up in? And he said: No, not at all, but I also don't want her growing up in another man's house. What I'm worried about is my wife dragging her back and forth. I've told her she can't do that. It's not fair to me or our child.

Mickey: They need to find a duplex.

All:

[laughs]

Pugly: Yeah, that might be a recipe for disaster.

Mickey: This girl cannot make up her mind.

Pugly: That would get on my nerves.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: I literally tried to be a devil's advocate for her again. 

Mickey and Pugly: [laughs]

Poppy: Like, okay, maybe just like, let's get back together. You know, she like, let's just give her a chance to be like a good mom in the family, whatever. He still loves her. He's like, he doesn't even sound that mad. Just sounds like, oh, I want to get back together with you, but you hurt my feelings. That's what he sounds like to me. And here she goes again, messing it up, saying that she loved him a week ago. She has issues, she needs some time alone.

Mickey: Yeah. I can't believe they had their first— 

Pugly: OP also commented—

Mickey: Oh, go ahead.

Pugly: No, you go ahead.

Mickey: I was just saying, I can't believe they had their first big issue after, while they're having their first baby. Like, this never came up.

Poppy: Oh.

Pugly: The affair, you mean?

Mickey: The affair, but also her just like avoiding issues, like—

Pugly: Oh. But he did say that she was, she was prone to being overwhelmed, or prone to feeling overwhelmed.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: I don't know how she, or how that manifested in her coping mechanisms, but OP also commented: I don't know what I'm going to do with her living here now. I immediately regret it. I'm the one who suggested this and encouraged it on multiple occasions and now I'm wondering why I did this to myself. I guess it might be okay once we're back to work, but it's the idea of us both being off and here together all the time that I don't really know how I'm going to handle. She's already back to acting like this is her home she never left, and I'm very annoyed with everything she does. Makes coffee in the morning? Annoying. Takes the dog out? F***ing annoying. Says good morning to me? F*** off. I know this is all so stupid and maybe it's my lack of sleep.

Mickey: Sometimes we walk ourselves to our own funerals.

Poppy: Yeah, and dig the grave too.

Mickey: Yep.

Poppy: Yeah. No, literally f*** off.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: I'm sick of her. 

Mickey: She makes me nauseous.

Pugly: Yeah, me too. I'm done with her.

Mickey: Like, I just want her to f***ing, like, have a personality, make a decision.

Poppy: She doesn't. She has no friends. She obviously depends on a man.

Mickey: Yep.

Pugly: There's another summarized update here titled, “Another update from this spineless p****.” Um… It is dated August 4th, 2024. The summary of this update is: the OP is hesitant to divorce his wife despite her past actions because he wants their child to have a relationship with her mother and he still has feelings for her. He acknowledges her flaws and the pain she has caused, but also sees her good qualities and misses the person she used to be. He is struggling with the decision of whether to stay in the marriage or move on and is currently enjoying a brief period of normalcy with his wife and child.

Mickey: This is, sounds just like my therapy session today. [laughs]

Pugly: Do tell.

Mickey: It sounds literally exactly the same. [laughs]

Pugly: Oh, wow.

Poppy: Okay.

Pugly: What insights did you have from that experience? Or can you share for this situation?

Mickey: Yeah, for this situation, he needs to forget she exists and just get a mail-order bride, something, anything.

Poppy: How is he going to see his daughter without knowing she exists though? Like if he cuts her off, he's also cutting off his daughter and he's not going to do that.

Mickey: Yeah, I wish he could just like, I mean, it wouldn't be fair to take the daughter away from her mom either. Like, yeah, her mom did a bad thing, but not enough to be separated from her daughter forever. 

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Like if they did a custody thing. I don't know. This sucks. And there's no revenge. Like he can't, there's no equal action that he can do to take revenge.

Pugly: I mean, he already slept with the ex-friend's wife or whatever.

Mickey: That's not revenge. They're not together anymore.

Pugly: No. That was a brief fling too. It didn't last. And it also, I don't know, it did affect the wife somewhat. She was a little bit upset by it, but it doesn't seem to be a lingering… I know.

Mickey: She can also suck a d*** and die. I'm so mad today.

Pugly: Some comments on this one were: When do each of you go back to work? Is the baby going to daycare? Does Jim Bro try to contact her ever now, or has he given up?

Then Other_Salt3889 says: I have 12 paid weeks off. I'm considering going back a few weeks early so I can save a few weeks, which I can use any time before her first birthday, you know, just in case. Baby will be going to daycare. Not sure if he's contacted her. I'm sure he has. Not sure what she said in response. Haven't asked.

Mickey: So they broke up? I don't know why I didn't catch that.

Poppy: I didn't either, but it sounds like...

Pugly: So they're broken up, but they're living together.

Mickey: No, no.

Pugly: Oh, oh, the other two.

Mickey: Gym bro, yeah.

Pugly: Oh, I guess. I mean, she stopped living with him, so I assumed that meant they were breaking up.

Mickey: You know, I should have made the same conclusion, but for some reason, that didn't happen.

Pugly: I don't know if he ever explicitly said that either, but yeah, I just assumed that.

Mickey: I thought maybe it was just like a level down. Anyway…

Pugly: Another user said: I've been following your story from the beginning and feel for you deeply. I can only imagine the hurt and betrayal you have and continue to experience. However, that said, it's been obvious to me throughout this, and you finally confirmed it with this post, that you're still in love with your wife and you hate yourself for it.

Then Other_Salt 3889 says: You may have finally hit the nail on the head. Seriously, I had a moment of clarity when I read what you wrote. “You're still in love with your wife and you hate yourself for it.” I know some things that happened in her past that partially explained the way that she handles issues. She's very sensitive about anyone knowing the details, so I won't share here. Even she knows that those things are part of the reason for any issues she has now. She says as much and has said so for years. Still won't seek professional help.

Mickey: They're… Making sense of all of this, there’s no… There's no making sense of all of this. And I feel like we're all trying to make sense of it, and he's trying to make sense of it, especially him, because he’s in love with her. But you cannot make sense of why something this unfair happened to you.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: You just have to accept it and move on. And that's so hard. It is so difficult. But he can't... I don't know. He has to accept that this is the same person. Like his wife, who he thought was great, and she has a lot of trauma or whatever, is the same person who hurt him. I feel like we tend to separate people like, oh, this is not really how she is. She's only like this because of whatever happened in her past. But she is like that. Like period. She is like that. If she wanted to be different, she would be different.

Pugly: This sounds like a therapy insight.

Mickey: Yeah. I mean, like, I'm literally quoting verbatim.

Pugly: [laughs] Oh, it also sounded like you were speaking to me about a particular relationship that I once had.

Mickey: Oh, really? [laughs]

Pugly: Yeah. You know the one.

Mickey: Yep. Probably. Yeah.

Poppy: Relatable.

Pugly: Anyways, another comment said: Man, I'm curious. Did you have an actual open conversation with her about why she did this after sharing so much with you? I just read the end of your post, and the way you described the relationship sounds like she was your best friend for years before all of this happened.

It all sounds so bizarre that I'm curious what went through her head, how she justified it in the moment, and what her thoughts are now that she seems more cerebral about all of this. 

Other_Salt3889 said: Yeah, we talked about it. Long story short is that she was so stressed out about everything in her life that she went to the gym all the time because it was her happy place—the one place where she didn't think about everything that was worrying her. She could relax there, feel good about herself, socialize with her only friends. This was before anything happened with him. She claims he started the flirting between them, and she didn't tell him she was married. She admits to not telling him for quite a while, after they slept together for the first time. She felt guilty from the very beginning, but it felt so good, and she convinced herself it was okay. She deserved it. It was like a high, and she felt so low all the time. Essentially, it was all part of this little fantasy escape land for her, where the real world didn't really matter so much or count at all. Also, we were arguing a lot at the time. I admit we were not at the strongest period of our relationship. That's no excuse to cheat, but things were not super great between us.

Mickey: Going back to the making sense of it all, like, okay, we finally have an answer from her.

Poppy: Yeah.

Mickey: Like this is why it happened. But us three, OP, all of us, like most people in the comments, like we don't think that we would do something like that ever. So it still doesn't make sense to us. There's a reason, but it's not how we live our lives. So that's the thing with trying to make sense of something. Even if you have the answers, sometimes it won’t make sense to you.

Poppy: This is also the first time that he admits that they were going through a rough patch.

Mickey: That's true.

Poppy: Because from the beginning, you would think that like, oh, things were like completely fine, and she just all of a sudden decided to start, you know, seeing this person at the gym. Or like, like now, he has finally admitted that like things were not that good.

Mickey and Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Still. Not a good enough reason to cheat. There's never a good enough reason. But like, why didn't you tell us from the beginning?

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: CommonPreference964 says: How is she and you going to handle her gym obsession when she gets the okay to go back? She cannot possibly think about going back to the same gym, can she? 

Other_Salt3889 responds: She says she's not going back to that gym. She'll either work out at home or go to the gym in our neighborhood that she says is all old ladies, which is why she didn't go to that one before, even though it's within walking distance.

Mickey: She should go to a women's only gym.

Pugly: OP also responds to another comment saying: Because several people have brought it up, I'll make it clear that I don't think living together under one roof with nothing but animosity and conflict is better than living in two peaceful, happy homes. I'm not that obsessed with being with my daughter full-time to not see that being in a negative environment would be harmful to her.

Mickey: So are they arguing?

Poppy: Probably.

Pugly: It's unclear to me. Sorry?

Poppy: He just doesn't enjoy her presence, period.

Pugly: Yeah, he's getting annoyed. I guess he regrets his decision to invite her back into his house or into their home. I don’t know who owns the house, but his next post is: “I filed for divorce.” This was on August 23rd, 2024. Thanks to everyone who's reached out to check on me. I've had a lot going on. New baby obviously being the most obvious thing, but life has truly been a “when it rains, it pours” situation lately. 

Ultimately, I'm fine. I filed for divorce. She's been served. It wasn't because of anything new she did that I haven't already shared here. I was thinking about it practically every other second for about two weeks, and ultimately decided I couldn't live like that anymore. Constantly thinking about it and wondering if I should do it. So I pulled the band-aid off and told the lawyer to move forward. The paperwork had already been completed and was just waiting for me to say go.

I feel relieved. I think I was feeling more stressed just constantly weighing what I should and shouldn't do. Now that I made a decision, I feel better.

The more we're together here at home, the more I realize this isn't what I want and that I can't be with her in any sort of romantic committed way again. I hope that we can be friends and not just co-parents who only communicate about our kid when necessary. I’m actually enjoying being around her now, for the most part.

I'm enjoying doing platonic things together, but the thought of anything beyond that just isn't appealing to me. I love her as the person I used to be married to, and I love and respect her as the mother of my child, but I don't love her in the same way I used to, and I don't think I can get over everything she's done. I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm filled with resentment and mistrust for the rest of my life.

Plus, the longer she was here, the more reminders I got of the other issues in our relationship that I guess I was able to sort of brush off before her affair came to light. I had to really weigh staying together and trying counseling and therapy if she'd agree to it, which she never has done, to try to have those feelings for her again and keep our family under one roof versus splitting time with my child, seeing her only part of the time and almost certainly having another man and father figure in my daughter's life, if not the affair partner than somebody else. It really dawned on me after she had her 6-week postnatal checkup, and she was cleared for sex. She wanted us to have sex. I didn't want to at all. She was upset, hurt.

She still has no idea how deeply she hurt me. Prior to that, her affair partner made another appearance at our house. This time, he was calm. He asked her to talk, and she told me she had to talk to him, but asked me not to leave the house. So I went into another room, and yes, I listened to their entire conversation. The gist basically was he wanted her back and he loves her. She told him he's a great guy, but they should never have been together. She needs to be with her family, me and our daughter, and that she was sorry for getting him so involved in this mess. If it wasn't for me and our daughter, she'd be with him, but she has to choose us.

She is still living here. We got into a huge argument last night. She threw water all over me. She got in her car and left, in just a t-shirt and underwear, no shoes, same old behavior, just running away. I knew then that I made the right decision. Of course, me divorcing her doesn’t change her behavior. She will act like this with anyone she's with, most likely. And in those cases, I won't be there to try to shield my daughter from it and remove her from the situation. 

Last night, I had to tell my wife to calm down for the sake of our daughter, to not behave that way around her. I know that children are still affected by this stuff, even if not direct witnesses. The idea of just not being there and not knowing who she might get involved with next terrifies me. So she's living here for now. I'm fine with that. 

Most days aren't like yesterday. Right now, she's sitting in the same room as me, working on something, and everything is peaceful. I can't make her leave anyway, since it's her house too, legally. Today, she was calmer, and it was an okay day. For the most part, we have a good routine down with caring for our daughter. This arrangement won't last forever, but I'm in no rush for her to leave. 

Ultimately, I'd prefer to sell the house and split the proceeds. This is what I put in the paperwork I filed. However, we can come to an agreed upon date by which to list the house, and it doesn't have to be next week or even next month. I've already started looking at new places to live, but I don't feel the need to rush it. I'm tired of just having so much going on, so much on my plate to think about and worry about.

I'd like to just relax for a damn second. The stress I've been feeling, my blood pressure is probably through the roof.

Mickey: Dude, all of this while you just had your first baby, damn.

Poppy: See, he never filed!

Mickey: I think honestly, I would be like him in the same scenario. It would take me a while.

Poppy: Oh, I for sure would have been the exact same as well. It would have taken me a lot longer to actually do it.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Than I needed to because I believe in miracles.

Mickey: I think we're optimistic people. And I don't know, whenever I hear people, they find out they got cheated on, and then next day, they're sitting with a lawyer drafting up the divorce paperwork. I'm like, wow.

Poppy: It's almost like you were waiting on something to happen.

Mickey: Yeah. I mean, I’m sure there’s people who are like that, like who can quickly process things like that, or like, you know, they have boundaries for themselves.

Poppy: It's because they wanted it to. If you like comply that quickly with no like clap back for it, and you were sort of like not only waiting for something to happen, but you wanted this, you just didn't want to be the person to initiate it.

Mickey: That's a really good perspective, I think. Because how can you go from being married to like, okay, we're going to get divorced tomorrow?

Poppy: To be the one that says, I'm unhappy, I don't want to be in this anymore.

Pugly: What is the suggested way to come to that conclusion? Or was there one?

Poppy: What, like to not be the person who says, I'm unhappy first?

Pugly: To become that person. How do you do that?

Poppy: I don't know. Like, I think that's why people just like end up acting out and then getting caught, and then it unfortunately unfolds. And it ends up hurting the innocent person more. Because they're the one, I mean, look at the way his life turned out. All because of her, because she could have just said, hey, I'm like sort of like unhappy in our marriage. I'd like to take a step back.

Mickey: Yeah. But instead she would just avoid, she would just, oh, I'm going to the gym.

Poppy: And gets pregnant, then gets freaking pregnant. Didn't even tell that other man. That other man didn't even know. And we brought kinks up as well. We said, he's got a whole thing that pregnant women, and she probably didn't even tell him.

Mickey: After the baby, of course, he was like, that's when they broke up because they couldn't have sex.

Poppy: Yeah, they couldn't have sex. That's all they had.

Mickey: Yeah. It was like… 

Pugly: Well, he's coming back now. What do you guys think about that?

Mickey: Well, he's coming back after she's cleared for sex.

Pugly: I see. You think it's purely sexual.

Mickey: Yeah. I mean, his other gym bunny is unavailable. She just had her baby.

Poppy: And she said the sex was basic before she had the baby, which means like he wasn't like he wasn't feeling it because she didn't say that about him before.

Mickey: Yeah. She probably like before they officially got together before she moved in with him, like he was probably still bland then, but like it was exciting because she was cheating. Like that was the only thing that was making it like, “good” or whatever.

Pugly: Probably. Yeah. There's a commenter who poses a question that's directly relevant to us.

They say: Have you told anyone you know about these Reddit posts? I only ask because your story is on YouTube and several other story platforms. It's such a unique situation, I assume if anyone close to this situation ever sees them or hears them, they would have to know. Does that concern you? Also curious, what reaction do you think those involved in these posts would have if they ever read them?

Other_Salt3889 responds, never told anyone and don't plan to. I've received several messages telling me it's posted one place or another. I can't believe people spend their time watching YouTube videos of people reading Reddit stories. 

Mickey: [laughs]

Pugly: I sincerely hope that nobody I count as a close friend spends their time doing that. Not because they might come across my story, but because that's terribly embarrassing on their behalf. Don't people have better things to do?

I didn't even know those sort of accounts existed until people told me my story was on TikTok and YouTube. Proud to say I have more of a life, even with all this s*** going on, than folks who sit around listening to somebody read Reddit posts.

Mickey: Lol, listeners, close your ears.

Pugly: Does that change your opinion of him?

Poppy: I don't like him now. I'm trying to defend you, man. Also, why did you put it on Reddit if you don't want anyone to read it, stupid?

Pugly: True.

Poppy: What do you mean people don't have anything better to do with their lives? Like, no, we don't, obviously.

Mickey: Yeah, we need to hear her story. I'm on her side now.

Pugly: That is actually where I'm headed.

Mickey: Oh.

Poppy: Alright.

Pugly: It's her story. She posted a story here, her side of the story, titled, “I found out that my husband has been posting all about me and our marriage on Reddit for months without telling me.” She posted this on September 2nd, so this was like last week or a couple of weeks ago. Her username is PrestigiousAngel862, which I find ironic.

Mickey: That's all I need to know, yeah.

Pugly: But anyway, she says: I found out that my husband has been posting all about me and our marriage on Reddit for months without telling me. Someone I'm friends with sent me a link to a TikTok where somebody was reading a Reddit post and asked if the story was about me. I thought that was ridiculous, but then I watched it and eventually found the post on Reddit, and they're about me.

I love how he paints himself as such a great guy and me as a vain, unstable, abusive psycho, as if he hasn't been gaslighting me. Not to mention how he lured me back home and made me think he wanted to work on our marriage, only to serve me with divorce papers after I rejected a man who actually loves me and wants to be with me. He did that on purpose to hurt me.

That was his plan all along, but he comes here and pretends like, oh, he was just so torn about what to do. The most recent things he said make me look crazy and like I'm an unsafe mom to our daughter. Yes, I threw water on him. He served me with divorce papers, and I was mad. Then I told him I needed to be alone for a little bit, and he wouldn't let me be alone, so that's why I ran out of the house without pants or shoes. We don't have any doors that lock in our house, and I just wanted to be alone because I was so enraged by what he did.

He wouldn't leave me alone, so I had to leave the house. I did not go to the other man's house. I parked my car around the corner and just sat there and cried. I was not crazy, and I was not a danger to anyone. 

Let's see… Why did I start going to the gym so often? I didn't like being around him. We were arguing a lot. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I didn't clean well enough, didn't cook. Well, neither did he. I was depressed. I had no friends and lived hundreds of miles away from my family for him. I was overwhelmed with my job. I basically worked the job of at least two people.

If I worked 80 hours a week, I still wouldn't have enough time to get all of my tasks done and do a good job on them. But I can't afford to quit my job, and I don't think I could find another job making the same amount of money. He also used to be gone for very long periods of time for his job, including times when I had COVID and when I had more serious health scares.

And the first thing he would do when he got home was, one, want sex, and two, complain about how messy the house was and how I did nothing when he was gone. He also felt his job was more important than mine and constantly reminded me of the fact. He also started drinking too much at one point, and he punched holes in multiple walls of our home during arguments.

I never knew if he'd be drunk or not when I got home from work, and he's really annoying to be around when he's drunk. He'd lie to me about how much he drank, like I was an idiot who couldn't tell when he was hammered. He made me feel crazy.

I didn't like being home anymore. Didn't like coming home after work, but didn't want to be at work. Had no family and friends to go to, so I did. I decided to start focusing on myself. I had always been into fitness and working out, but in my depression, I had fallen out of it a bit. I started going to the gym again, and it provided me a place to go, to not have to be at home, and it made me feel good about myself.

I eventually made friends with a group of people there. I knew the man who eventually became my affair partner for many months before anything happened between us. We didn't talk much, just said hello when we saw each other, and maybe have some small talk, but not much.

I didn't wear my wedding ring when at the gym. It wasn't because I was trying to cheat. My hands get sweaty, and my ring tends to turn inward and would get in the way.

It's not that unusual to not wear your jewelry when working out and using weights in various machines. He and I hadn't talked much, so he didn't know I was married when he started flirting with me or when he asked me for my phone number. I knew it was wrong.

I had to think about it for a little while before I agreed to go out with him. We weren't just f**king in the locker room. That happened, but it was more than that.

We went out on dates. I said yes because he made me feel good. He was attractive physically and had a really good personality and was funny and nice. I liked the attention. I’m guilty of that. I decided to cheat on my husband consciously because this other guy made me feel great, happy, excited, all the things.

I did feel guilt about it, but I kept doing it anyway because at the end of the day, I was so desperate to feel happy. And I suppose I sort of became addicted to the whole thing. I should have divorced my husband, but a few months after the affair started, I found out I was pregnant, and that made everything way more complicated.

We weren't trying for a baby. My husband wanted one, but I said no every time he brought it up. I wanted a baby in my ideal dream world, but in reality, I didn't think I would ever really have one.

My marriage was not good, and I was unhappy. I didn't think I was ready to be a mom, and I might never be ready. I was excited when I found out, though.

I felt like it was the universe's way of telling me I was supposed to have a baby and be a mom, since I couldn't make up my mind about it. I planned to end the affair. I knew my husband would be a good dad, most likely. I just had a hard time ending the affair. I loved the other man I was with, and he loved me. Eventually, I told him I was pregnant, and he begged me to leave my husband and told me he didn't care who the biological father was.

He isn't a shallow sociopath. He's a nice guy, really close with his family, has tons of friends. Everyone loves him. Yes, he was blessed with good looks, and he has one of those personalities that just makes him super popular, especially with women. But he's not pretentious or full of himself. My husband actually has the bigger ego and is way more full of himself.

I don't know how to handle conflict. I run away from things sometimes. My parents were the type who argued all the time, and they never taught me good conflict resolution skills.

There were other issues growing up, but I don't want to share those here. I would not abandon my baby, and I would not put her in harm's way. I'm probably not a great wife, but don't be fooled into thinking my husband is the world's most perfect husband.

Marrying him is the worst mistake I’ve ever made. One of the only things I agree with that he said here is that we were younger and stupid when we got together.

Poppy: Damn.

Mickey: Wow. What an update.

Poppy: I mean, to be like truthful, I never really thought it was all her. Like, it's a two-way street. Like, I had a feeling that, like, he was also doing whatever he was doing. He just wasn't telling us about it.

Mickey: Yeah. Yeah.

Poppy: I mean, she messed up.

Mickey: Yeah. There's still no excuse to cheat. But like, like he had us going after her, like, oh, she doesn't have any friends, get some friends.

Poppy: She moved far away for him.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: I love the part where she's like, it's like a women empowerment thing to go and cheat when she's like, I took it upon myself to focus on myself. I’m like—

Mickey: [laughs] Girl boss. No, like the mature thing to do if you feel like the relationship is wrong is to end it. I just can't believe she wrote this post thinking that because he left out that he's not so perfect, that we're all going to be like, you know what? You were right to cheat on him. And then get with this other guy and then go back, try and go back to him. And then, you know, all these things.

Pugly: The only thing that really concerns me about from her post that sounds like in excess of normal relationship problems is the abusive behaviors of punching holes in walls. Sounds a little aggressive.

Poppy: Yeah, drinking too much.

Pugly: Yeah. Yeah. Those were a little... Those were concerning points that she made.

Mickey: We did talk about this in a previous episode, I think, like, is like cheating okay if you're with someone and you're scared to leave them because they could be abusive or something. But like, okay, so I just need someone else. Like, so can I go cheat? Like, is that okay, like, morally? And I think what we said was like, if you have enough bravery to like go cheat, then you have enough bravery to leave this person.

Poppy: She's probably scared to, though.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: She's probably scared to bring it up and scared of him, like what he can do.

Mickey: Yeah, because like cheating means you're still not confronting the issue. You just get some like good feelings on the side, because the issue still hasn't come up. You're not addressing it.

Poppy: Maybe she didn't know how unhappy she was until she started getting attention from someone else. And then maybe she was like thinking, like, oh, I should like just break it off with him. And then she found out she was pregnant. And she couldn't.

Mickey: Yikes.

Poppy: Also, we don't really know their religious background, but like some cultures too, but some religions do not believe in divorce.

Pugly: That's true.

Poppy: That could also be something where like, divorce isn't an option. She was, she's just trapped. But I don't know. Maybe not because he like, he served, he like served her the papers. Like he had no problem initially saying that he wanted to divorce her. He just never did because he was still in his feels about her.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Maybe like her family is just very weird about divorce, and that's why she didn't want to do it.

Poppy: Well, they should also be weird about cheating.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: They should. Time to Shine Part Time says: This is top quality rage bait. If this is actually the woman from the wife going to the gym too much saga, you need therapy. For yourself, for your daughter, every story has two sides. Even if your husband left out all of his own faults, you still really messed up. Are your actions setting any good example for your daughter? Would you be okay with her doing what you have done?

Poppy: Good point.

Pugly: Someone else said: You stabbed him in the back multiple times. You got pregnant to the point where you didn't know who the father was. You invited both gym bro and hubby to your prenatal appointments. You soured and sullied a beautiful experience of witnessing his child being born by having your affair partner with you during it. Don't you understand how profoundly evil your behavior is? Don't you comprehend the depth of hurt you caused? Can't you please get help, not for your husband, not for your fair partner, not for yourself, but to be a better parent for your child? Can you at least do that?

Mickey: Whoa there. Okay. I wouldn't call her evil. I think she's not being a great person right now.

Pugly: Impulsive, maybe?

Mickey: Yeah, impulsive, like weakness of character, for sure, but not evil. Geez.

Poppy: We also don't know that she's being a bad parent. 

Pugly: Yeah. 

Poppy: People have no idea.

Pugly: I do agree, though, that she's not setting a good example. That's for sure.

Poppy: No, she's not. She's not.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: But doesn't necessarily mean she's being a bad parent. She could be a bad, I mean, she is a bad wife.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: She could be a bad girlfriend, but it doesn't necessarily mean she's being a bad parent.

Mickey: Yeah. Parents are people, too. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, some people's mistakes are cheating. We do not condone that here at Secondhand Confessions.

Poppy: I know I don't.

Pugly: PrestigiousAngelH62 said: Notice how he doesn't go into any detail about his own behavior, though. He knows if he did, he'd lose all sympathy. That gym guy was never trying to take his place as my baby's father. I was living with him. What was he supposed to do? Just ignore the fact that I was pregnant? Ignore the actual baby that eventually arrived? He never tried to interfere with my husband's time with the baby, even when it meant my husband spending time at his house when he wasn't there. 

Everyone was wrong about him bailing, by the way. He was actually getting up in the middle of the night to help me with the baby. He was actively involved and not trying to run away. 

He's lying about still loving me. He's saying that to make himself look like a nice guy. In reality, he yelled at me and told me to get the F out of his life.

Poppy: It's on you for sticking around.

Mickey: Yeah. What do you expect someone to say once you've cheated on them? I don't know.

Pugly: I guess divorce is what I'd expect.

Mickey: I mean, that's what he's doing.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: I feel like she expects to be forgiven for anything.

Pugly: Yeah. It sounds like she's just entitled. 

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: Fairwrap3399 said: So what are those awful things your husband did that warrants your Jim boy toy to literally humiliate him during the birth of his first daughter, which was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of his life? Please elaborate. And the comment that PrestigiousAngel862 commented in response with has since been deleted, so I can't tell the contents of it.

But Fairwrap3399 responded back saying: You are literally telling anything to make him look bad. If he assaulted you, then why didn't you report him and leave? You even left your saintly gym guy to return to him. Sounds like a total lying narcissist. Then Fairwrap3399 comments again saying: Why did you delete the comment? Afraid it will be used against you? If it's the truth, then you have nothing to be afraid of. 

Then noarcher30 writes: What did she write? And Fairrap3399 responded: She wrote that he SA’d her and physically assaulted her. That is why gym bro got revenge on the husband during birth of the child.

Mickey: Holy shit.

Pugly: It escalates even further.

Mickey: Okay, now that it's he said, she said, we need a judge here and a jury, not us three. We're not going to solve this.

Poppy: No, this is too much.

Pugly: We need the evidence is what we need.

Mickey: Yeah. It's true crime now. Oh, Lord. Yeah, this is getting messy.

Pugly: PrestigiousAngel862's last comment was: Nobody cares about the truth. I can confess the truth about what I did. I cheated on my husband. I did that. He won't share the truth about the things he's done. I haven't even told the whole truth about what he's done. Nobody cares. And it's so frustrating.

Mickey: Well, tell the truth then, drop the truth. If you want people to care.

Poppy: Go ahead. He dropped your truth. Drop his.

Mickey: Yeah. No, it just feels like she's very not self-aware.

Pugly: Yeah. I think she's it's probably starting to dawn on her, but it doesn't seem like she's accepting it.

Mickey: Yeah. I remember there was like one of the posts where he said that he had asked her to get a therapist for like her early childhood stuff and that he also asked her to that they see a marriage counselor or something.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: And she's always like, no, no, like avoiding it. And like, yeah, like she, she didn't want to work on her problems.

Pugly: Yeah. That's a fault of hers.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: Maybe she just was done trying with him.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: She didn't agree to do all those things because she just knew it was over.

Pugly: Yeah.

Poppy: Far gone.

Pugly: Maybe. There's one final post from Other_Salt3889 regarding his wife's posts. This was posted September 3rd:

My wife has found my posts. She's commented on my most recent post and I've deleted her comments and blocked her. She's also made a post on r/TrueOffMyChest.

Thanks to everyone who messaged me to alert me to it. She had already confronted me about it in real life. I think she was disappointed that I didn't engage with her here, so she came up to me and told me to f*** myself and started yelling, who does that?

Over and over in my face. She's also posting lies about me, including stories about me raping her, punching holes in the walls of her home, having a drinking problem, and physically abusing her. None of that is true.

She spent this weekend begging me to reconsider the divorce and trying to convince me in any way that she can. I haven't budged. I've started to sort of ignore her.

She can't stand to be ignored. So now here she is posting lies, and multiple people are messaging me to ask if any of it is true. I've never physically hurt my wife, punched holes in walls, or had a drinking problem.

While I was drinking more than normal in the immediate fallout after I discovered her affair, and she moved in with her affair partner, I did not have a problem, and I wasn't abusive. If she wants to accuse me of these things, she can accuse me in court, and they can investigate. They'll find no evidence of patched walls, or anyone in my life who could ever attest to me being an alcoholic.

She has an obsession with this idea of me being an alcoholic. Which stems from a history of that sort of problem in her household growing up. She routinely would come home from work and accuse me of drinking and tear our house apart, looking for the supposed hidden alcohol that I had stashed.

Guess what? She never found anything. She even bought a breathalyzer and tried to force me to blow into it multiple times a day.

This is trauma she has. I was not a perfect husband. I could have done many things better or differently.

We did argue. I did yell sometimes. I was also away from home for long periods of time when she needed me, and I didn't take it seriously.

I may be accused of being callous or cold at times, and she probably wouldn't be wrong about that. But the things she's saying on here are not true whatsoever. Please do not engage with her here.

Mickey: Wow. And, you know, I kind of, I believe him because he never brought up what the problems were. Like, kind of out of respect for her.

Poppy: I think so. I mean, he was discreet. He was, like, very discreet about it.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: Well, it does point to the fact that he realizes this is a public forum that in which, you know, his story could be shared with millions or 34 people.

Poppy: That’s funny.

Mickey: How the turntables.

Poppy: I can't believe that she, like, responded to it. I can't believe that she gave her input.

Pugly: Posted? Yeah.

Poppy: Yeah. I still feel like I don't know who's telling the truth. The guy still got, like, the shit end of the stick, for sure.

Mickey: Yeah. Whoever, like, is most in the wrong, I hope that they've made enough of a fool of themselves so that the other person can, like, just, like, move on. You know what I mean?

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah. Because, like, let's say it's her. It's, like, everything he said is true, and she's, like, such a, you know, bad partner, blah, blah, blah. Like, I hope, you know, instead of just growing from this or trying to grow from this, she, like, literally, like, spiraled. And I hope that that's an indication for him. Like, you know, this is definitely not the right relationship for me, and I will never try to reconcile.

Poppy: He needs a little bit more of a backbone as well.

Mickey: Yeah.

Poppy: If the things that he said are true. 

Mickey: Yeah. 

Poppy: Just in future relationships, like, everyone has something to learn, you know?

Mickey: Yeah. What a story. What a saga. I'm glad it’s ended. I’m glad it’s over. Wrap it up. No, this story literally stressed me the f*** out.

Poppy: It really was very stressful. I was like, just leave each other. Like, that's enough. Stop it.

Mickey: Yeah.

Pugly: Yeah.

Mickey: Yeah. But life is messy. Life is really messy. It's never a clean break like in the movies. Like, in the movies, you have a rom-com, and he cheats on her, and she's like, I'm never talking to you again. And then she finds the man of her dreams in a coffee shop the next day. But like in real life, it's sticky. Situations are sticky.

Poppy: Also the roles are reversed in this situation. It's not the girl being cheated on, which is, you know…

Mickey: Yep. To quote last week’s episode, “Women can be villains too.”

Pugly: Alright, listeners. So we have a question for you, especially those of you on Spotify. We want to know which of these two characters do you believe?

Mickey: Yeah, the wife or the husband? They're probably both s*****.

Poppy: Yeah, I honestly don't even want to vote for either of them. [laughs] Thank you, everyone, for listening and joining us on this crazy story between the pregnant lady and the sad husband at home. Thanks for having me. I had a lot of fun.

Mickey: Thank you for joining us. It was the best time, and we’ll see you next time.

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